Was My Nightmare
born to a very pious Catholic family in
. Nothing presaged that I would become a Muslim one day. On the contrary,
everyone expected me to be a faithful Catholic throughout my life and pass
down my faith to my children.
However, I had a very rebellious character and, like
many adolescents, abominated everything my parents liked. I set a goal for
myself to find a liberating religion different from that of my parents. I
was convinced that nothing could be worse than Christianity with its
oppressive teachings on women.
The religious atmosphere in my family was getting on
my nerves. I was having heated arguments with my parents all the time
because of my disagreement with some Christian teachings. They pressed me
to be a better Christian; I rebelled and did the opposite.
Soon after my graduation from university, I met a
young Muslim man of Turkish origin. We fell in love and soon got married.
He was not a religious fanatic - he was absolutely secular, although he
did observe some Islamic obligations (he fasted and prayed). He didn’t
ask me to convert to his religion but he made it clear that he would like
his children to be Muslims. I myself took great interest in his religion
and customs. I expressed willingness to learn more about Islam.
He brought me some deceptive (as I know understand)
books about the glory of Islam and benefits of being a Muslim woman. I
read the books and grasped the “beauty” of this religion.
I was taught by my Christian parents that a woman had
to submit to her husband and thus find God. My Muslim husband seemed to be
so close to God without any help from priests and I was told that I
didn’t have to get married and submit to my husband to find peace of
mind and faith in God. I looked at my husband and blindly believed all
those lies because he was such a nice man who was the living example of a
decent Muslim man. When I prayed behind him, I felt I was getting closer
to God and Heaven.
Looking back on those days, I see that I was just a
stupid kid who drummed into herself that Islam was an ideal religion for
all humankind. Perhaps I simply wanted to vex my pious parents whom I
considered to be repressive monsters.
After I had converted, I was given some other books
that were not as wonderful as previous ones. I learnt that I could be
beaten by my husband, if he wasn’t satisfied with me. But in my addled
mind I tried to find justifications for that commandment. Moreover, I was
sure that my husband was incapable of hitting a woman.
I gave birth to our children who were sent to a kind
of a kindergarten for Muslim children. I kept on working and didn’t want
to give up my job. My husband supported me and told me that Islam actually
encouraged women to work and have their own lives. I can’t understand
how I could believe such downright lies.
A few years later he decided to perform Hajj. I was
very excited and proud of him because, in fact, I was much more religious
than my secular husband.
When he came back, I couldn’t recognize him. His
behaviour changed dramatically and he was not longer secular. I didn’t
like wearing a veil and usually put it on only when I went to mosque. Now
my husband told me that I had to wear a veil outside all the time. When I
opened my mouth to object to such horrible behaviour of his, he hit me on
the face and told me to shut up. I was forced to quit my job and become a
He brought some books from
which “reformed” him and saved him from “perishing in Hell”. I
read those books on Islam, real Islam that my husband started to practice.
Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes and I realized that I had never been
a Muslim. But it was too late, as we were moving to
. He feared that
would have an adverse effect on our children’s upbringing.
My life in rural
, with his parents, was a nightmare. I was no longer a liberated Muslimah,
a wife of a liberal Muslim; I was a real Muslimah, just a commodity of my
I used to enjoy praying but now I started to detest
prayers led by my husband. I no longer felt close to God. When I finished
reading a real, not spurious, biography of the prophet, I felt sick. I had
been lied to all the time. How could I believe that Muhammad was the
prophet of God?
I wondered what had happened to my husband. He told
he had had conversations with fellow Muslims from “moral” countries
and they had opened his eyes. I put the blame for my husband’s change of
behaviour on them but then it occurred to me that he had always been a
Muslim, although a secular one. What could I possibly expect from him? I
had read dozens articles about women married to Muslims and their
hardship. I had been warned by my best friends that I was playing with
fire. But my unreasonable hatred for Christianity, love for husband and
blatant lies deceived me and made me immune to reason and logic.
After such a rude awakening to the horrors of Islam
and its treatment of women, I decided to review the Quran. My first
feeling was anger at my blindness to reality. It is apparent from the
Quran that men are given total control over women. “The Holy book”
abounds with discriminatory teachings on women, which are quite obvious
from the context of the book. Only a blind woman in love like me could
When my husband realized that I was no longer a
docile wife and a pious Muslimah, he became a real savage. He showed his
true colours and exclaimed that German whores could never become modest
Even his ultra-conservative parents and friends could
not understand what had happened to my husband. Nobody expected him to
change so greatly. Occasionally he dropped some vague hints from which
followed that he had spoken to sheikhs, introduced to him by his friends,
who were well-informed about Islam. They explained to him that the
majority of Muslims didn’t follow the whole Islam; they just chose
peaceful and beautiful parts but forgot about violent ones. You have to
love your wife but remember to hit her from time to time or she will
forget that she is just a woman made for your enjoyment. You ought to
treat the infidels well, if it benefits you, but don’t forget that your
main obligation is to overthrow their government and impose the Shariah.
I couldn't believe that my humble hubby was now a
faithful Wahabbi. I hoped I was asleep but I was not.
I managed to run away and get to the German embassy.
My conversation with a female worker was another eye-opener – she asked
me, “When will you learn to listen to the news, stupid hens?” She
meant that all women knew that dating a Muslim, let alone marring to him
was a dangerous affair, yet we didn’t pay attention to all the warnings.
Why do we keep on dating them?
Luckily, my children are with me, thanks to good
lawyers. I am working and enjoying my life. But it could have been
different. In that case, I could only blame myself for my stupidity.
The above story proves the point that the so called moderate Muslims
can become extremists overnight. As long as one believes that Muhammad was
a prophet of God, he is at risk of becoming a terrorist in a heartbeat.
It is a mistake to separate Muslims into "moderate"
Muslims and extremist Muslims. They are all Muslims. All of them belong to
the terrorist faith of Islam. Their only difference is in the degree of
their devotion. At any time, a moderate Muslim can increase his faith and
become a monster.
Islam must be denounced and banned.