and Iím an ex-Muslim woman.
I was born into a fanatic Muslim family in
. It was a part of
which is famous for its attempts to stifle all religions. But in
we practiced Islam absolutely freely. We lived nearby the capital
in a luxurious house. My father was a very rich man and he could
afford to have four wives. My mother was his fourth wife and the
youngest one: when I was born she was 16. Two years after my birth
she had her second child who was my brother Ahmed. She died when
she was 19.
donít remember my childhood in details but I recall that it was
normal: like all children (even Muslims) I played and enjoyed my
when I was 10 my father got into trouble for operations with
foreign currency (it was a crime in the
). He was sent to prison. My stepmothers didnít want to spend
any money on me and Ahmed. Soon I found out that they were going
to send Ahmed to a boarding school for orphans. I cried night and
day but I was unaware what was in store for me.
a nut shell, I was married off to a Muslim man. I was 10 and he
was a 60-year-old brute. He promised my stepmothers that he would
not sleep with me until I reached the age of puberty. But he came
to my room soon after our marriage took place. Itís hard to
portray all my sufferings and pains. Before my marriage I thought
children were brought by storks!
I spent one year in his house and quickly got used to such life.
But he desperately needed a son (he had 10 daughters) and I still
wasnít pregnant. He took me to the Muslim doctor. She explained
that I simply wasnít able to have children: I was too young. He
didnít believe and stormed at me. A few weeks later I was thrown
out of the house. My stepmothers were also furious and told me
that I had to be ashamed of my disobedience. They sent me to
I spent 7 years in orphan boarding school. After school I was free
to go anywhere I liked. Soviet Union fell and everyone told it was
time to leave
and head for capitalist countries. I agreed but unfortunately I
didnít have any money. Moreover I decided to take Ahmed with
myself from school thus shouldering a burden of bringing up my
decided to find a newly-established feminist organization as I
hoped they would listen to my story and help me. Of course they
couldnít help me as they were too busy celebrating someoneís
birthday. But there I met an old Norwegian woman called Bente. She
was 70 and didnít have children. She was a career woman and was
working as a lawyer in this organization. She almost fell in love
with us and helped us to go to
. Ahmed is still living with her. We call her Ďmumí and regard
her as our true mother.
Iím studying at university and learning Norwegian. But most
importantly Iím trying to forget my past. However itís really
hard to do as my husband managed to nearly ruin my life. I will
never have children because of premature sex. I have never had
boyfriends because Iím afraid to be touched by men in a
Ďromanticí way. Iím working with a psychologist to get over
I think everyone understand why Iím no longer a Muslim.