Send a Message to bin Laden, Vote Bush!

By Judson Cox  

Last week, Osama bin Laden delivered the following advice to Americans:  

Your security is not in the hands of [Democratic presidential candidate John] Kerry or Bush or al-Qaida. Your security is in your own hands and each state which does not harm our security will remain safe.  

Doesn’t it make you swell with pride for this madman, this human virus, to endorse American democracy?  No wonder Michael Moore holds him in such regard; he’s just a scary version of Jimmy Carter!  So long as we vote the right way, and live by bin Laden’s rules, we’ll be secure.  Surely, all America is about to convert to Islam, put our women in burkas, mutilate their gentiles and place them under house arrest, stone all of the homosexuals, cut the tongues out of all who dissent, fill our prisons with children, burn all books that do not support radical Islam and exterminate the Jews!  If we do all of this, and elect a weak president who will bow at the alter of Islamic terrorism, bin Laden will leave us alone!  He’ll let us live in peace, just like he did before President Bush declared the War on Terror – back when he only killed us 3,000 at a time on 9/11!   

I guess bin Laden didn’t coordinate with “Azzam the American”, another al Qaeda terrorist, who issued the following warning only a few days earlier:  

No, my fellow countrymen you are guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. You are as guilty as Bush and Cheney. You're as guilty as Rumsfeld and Ashcroft and Powell," he says in what he calls his message to America . "After decades of American tyranny and oppression, now it's your turn to die. Allah willing, the streets of America will run red with blood matching drop for drop the blood of America 's victims.

Perhaps the cave to spider-hole teleconference broke down, and they just couldn’t get together on the right message.  Either way, I’ve got an unprintable response for both of them, which involves them performing certain anatomically impossible acts. 

This is America , and Americans may not always get along or agree on politics, religion or much else.  But, we sure as hell don’t need a couple of dirt squatting cave dwellers telling us how to vote!  Bin Laden and Azzam issue their barely coherent threats on video, because their armies are crushed.  Over 75% of the leadership of al Qaeda is dead or is in prison.  Two of the world’s top terror sponsor regimes in Afghanistan and Iraq , have been toppled, replaced with democracies.  Several other nations that once funded these diseased rats who screech at us from their holes have become our allies in the War on Terror.  We are slowly, but surely eradicating the disease of Islamic terror from the face of the earth.   

Critics of President Bush claim that failing to kill or capture bin Laden thus far makes the War on Terror a failure.  We would all like to see bin Laden dead.  However, we never killed or captured Hitler either.  We defeated Nazi Germany and its allies, while that pathetic madman shot himself.  Bin Laden will meet his fate eventually as well, but his threats and video taped messages will not weaken American resolve to hasten his meeting with 72 virgins, who hopefully look like Madeline Albright and share the personality of Hillary Clinton.  

Bin Laden and Azzam’s messages will only strengthen our resolve.  So, thank you, you disgusting embodiment of all that is reviled, for reminding Americans of the most important issue in this election – the War on Terror.  Economic, social, political, partisan and moral issues all pale in comparison.  No amount of money in our pockets is worth our life, the lives of our families and our countrymen.  No loyalty to a political party or concern over civil rights supersedes this issue.  Our rights are meaningless to suicide bombers.  Terrorists do not ask your political affiliation before they cut your head off.  Islamic fascists don’t ask you if you support gay marriage or oppose partial birth abortion, before they slaughter your children in their own classrooms.  The only pertinent question in this election is which candidate is strongest in the war on terror – which candidate has the courage to recognize and fight evil?   

In this election, America will send a strong message to bin Laden and his ilk, that we will never back down.  We will fight the terrorists where we find them.  We will fight them to the death, no matter the sacrifice of lives and tax dollars.  We will not be cowed by the threats of irrelevant madmen, nor will we surrender or negotiate.  We will re-elect President Bush, and we will, “hunt down the evil doers.”  

•  What Was the Real Message of Osama? Ali Sina 2004/11/01

•  Terrorists Reduced to Terror Tapes Amber Pawlik 2004/11/01