JANNAT SHUTDOWN - Sine die!!

By Alie Siraj – 6-September-2005

All of a sudden, Jannat, the Heaven, the Islamic perfumed garden, the ultimate goal of any believer of Allah, the abode of the jihadi shahids / martyrs was shut down indefinitely, due to heavy rush of fresh entrants, thus increasing its population much beyond its original capacity, designed around 1400 years ago!

So, as a pre-emptive measure, Allah had decreed the shutdown of Jannat - sine die, and closed its doors with an explosive tintinnabulation.

All currently booked fresh entrants just before the shutdown were now being accommodated in a new annexe, miles away from the present location.

The scenario on earth:

1. Advantages of being an Islamic Shahid or martyr

In fact, the jihadi mujahids -cum- the Shahids or martyrs also give up their precious lives as suicide squads exploding themselves against the targets of non-believers and apostates with bombs and though killing in the process, many unintended innocent passers-by. So what!! Have they not wrecked damage to their intended target > non-believers and apostates - as per Quranic command? These killers, sorry, these shahids/martyrs who laid down their lives are assured of a place in Jannat. That is the only criteria to be reckoned here. Who is worried about world’s opinion? After all everything is done in the name of Allah. That is enough.

2. Advantages of being a Muslim while being alive:

It is extremely natural for the jihadis to target the undefended civilians because it is the easiest and least risky. Moreover, amongst the unintended targets of civilians too, there must be definitely, at least one, a few or many sofar unidentified non-believers /apostates of Islam who are fit to be killed. So, in such cases, it is also justifiable to attack, kill, loot and annex their properties, and rape their women. In this sacred Islamic religious duty, they not only follow the Quranic dictates of Allah but also, follow exactly the strategies of their prophet, Mahamood# in his many murderous expeditions about 1400 years ago. So, the Jihadis need not have to have any qualms or iota of guilty-conscience. The moot point is that the Muslims earn a comfortable living, while being alive also by this profitable proposition of - kill, loot, and rape philosophy. That is all.

3. Empirical proof of success of Islamic philosophy:

This orderliness (?) of attack on the undefended civilians yielded fantastic profits in terms of ghanimat (spoils) of Zan, Zar, and Zameen, women, wealth, and land respectively for the messenger. Chengiz Khan, Mohammad Ghaznavi, Afghan warlords and Moghal invaders, all followed this very same strategy successfully on their periodical attacks against India . They were able to establish new Empires, expand their kingdoms, rule and subjugate the conquered, demolish their temples and build in the very same locale, the Masjids for Islamic worship and propaganda. The present day outfits like LET, (Lashkar–e-Toiba), HUM (Harkat-ul-Mujahideen, HUJI (Harkat-ul-Jihad-al-Islami, and et al (all based in Pakistan ) also follow this successful strategy.

See the many splendoured advantages! What a bright path the Messenger of Allah, Mahamood, (peace be upon him) had shown to his followers. Quite a leader!

Besides, these are but small step towards Islamisation of the world. Several small drops only make the ocean!

Don’t be puzzled by these pearls of Islamic wisdom!!

Now coming back to Jannat problem

Allah was much worried among all Gods of religions in the cosmic space of Heavens.

He was debating within Himself whether the current situation was at all entirely due to the illiterate Mahamood’s reckless promises made in Quran in Allah’s name to suit himself at that time or was it all due to the transmission loss of His communication through Gabriel to Mahamood. Anyway both Mahamood and Gabriel escaped the blame, but, as super-boss Allah, He had to take the entire brunt of blame upon Himself for the conduct His delegated staff.

Moreover, on further investigation, Allah found out that besides problems of new entrants, there were already problems from the Jannat inmates inside. 

Since the problem involved was about the past, present and future management of Jannat, Allah wanted to probe thoroughly into the ‘why and how’ of things so that the exact diagnosis of the quandary could be made for a remedial and permanent solution.

Allah took out his writing pad as if a Systems Analyst, and began noting down the points on His analysis on Jannat crisis.

1. How did the inmates find their entry into Jannat?

It is simply killing innocent non-believers or the apostates of Islam.

No inmate ever reached Jannat, the hard way, like in all other religions in terms of service to fellow humans, personal sacrifices, penance, malice towards none, and love & charity for all etc.

2. Any disposal programme in Jannat?

   It was a one-way ticket to Jannat (only entry with no exit)

3. What was the daily routine of Inmates?

Ha! Daily routine! What else, whole-time sex with Houris & young boys, at times with their original devoted /obedient wives too. It was because:

No need for observance of five pillars of Islam i.e., No-Shahadah / Kalima (No-affirmation of faith), No-Salat (No-five times prayer – So, no-Adaans), No-Zakah (No-obligatory Charity of 2.5% p.a.), No-Sawm (No-fasting in the month of Ramadhan) and No-Hajj (No-pilgrimage to Mecca ) and no more Jihad. So, sex is the only way to spend their time. (What is wrong in spending their time like this, when there is plenty of time with no other work to do and the availability of willing Houris & young boys for sex and their ever-helping hands to fill up their cups with intoxicating wine after every sip, thus keeping the cup and their lip constantly brimming. The gracious Allah had also rewarded the Jannat inmates with another blissful bounty - the sexual prowess to satisfy one and all in one go too – what more anyone can ask for!!).

4. What is the composition of Inmates?

To be honest, the whole lot of inmates could be classified as unsocial (KDs) known desperados in earthly parlance. Most of them were illiterates who were mentally tuned and trained for rape, loot, mayhem, treachery and bloody murders.

5. Then, what are their other vocations in Jannat over and above sex?

The inmates had formed their own Unions Country wise / Sect wise (Sunnis & Shias).

There were factions like, Al Amin Hussaini (an advisor to Adolf Hitler on Jewish Final solution) Brigade, Tikka Khan of Pakistan (the proud Islamic hero of rape of many Bengali-women and slaughter of two million Bangladeshi Hindus and countless Bengali-Muslim professionals, intellectuals and students of the Universities) Brigade; the Mongol (Chengez Khan) Brigade, Moghal Brigade etc. There were constant skirmishes and minor to major fights amongst the inmates. 

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