Being a Muslim Woman: A Blessing or a
By Yagmur Dursun
The status of women has
become a focus of todayís society. Some people are trying to advance the
cause of equality in the real world, while others are looking for equality
in their religious books. For example, Muslims are claiming that Islam
accords high status to women. Many Islamic scholars dashed off numerous
articles about sexual equality in Islam. They are telling us that Islam is
the only solution.
Many critics question the
concept of equality in Islam.
As a Muslim woman with
bitter experiences, I dare to question ďIslamic equalityĒ. I am
neither a scholar nor a PhD. But I hope my personal experience will be
interesting to readers.
All Muslim men are
extremely proud of polygamy. They say that western men are unfaithful and
they have many lovers. But unlike westerners, Muslim men take care of all
their women. I say Iíd rather be a lover than a wife in a polygamous
My whole life is about
pleasing my husband. Since I am not the only wife, I also have to compete
with my co-wife. How humiliating it is for a woman to compete with another
woman in pleasing a man! If I were the only woman, I could say no and
explain why I donít want to please him. But now I canít stop him or
say no. If I do, my husband wonít even think about why Iím
dissatisfied with his begaviour. He will say that he has another wife and
I can rebel as much as I want but in the end it wonít change anything
(and he is right). If I were a western woman, I could demand divorce. I
canít do it now because oneís husband having a second wife is not a
reason for a divorce. If I were a western woman, Iíd have the right to
be angry at my husband for having a lover. But I canít be angry now,
because itís morally acceptable for a Muslim to have many wives.
Most importantly, I have
children. If I donít compete with my co-wife and win, my children will
Itís so hard to see
oneís husband kissing another woman. I am not an animal; I am a human
being with feelings. Just like men I can be jealous. But who cares about
me and my feelings?
Iíve recently received a
book named ďHow to become a good MuslimahĒ as a gift. Being a good
Muslimah is about pleasing your husband and forgetting about yourself Ė
I have already understood it.
If I were a lover, I would
be loved. As a Muslim woman, I am only an object Ė a sex object, an
incubator and a maid to my husband. I am there to serve HIM and to please
Luckily enough, I am in the
West. There is hope for me. I CAN rebel and I WILL rebel. I only pray for
my poor sisters in Muslim countries.
Some western men batter
their wives. They are punished. They are NOT encouraged by their religion
to beat their wives. Muslims are.
Muslims say that itís
only permissible to beat your wife Ďgentlyí. Where is it said in the
Koran that men should beat their wives gently? Frankly, I am sick of this
discussion. How can a man discipline his wife even with a handkerchief?
Are women stupid or children? Yes, we are stupid according to Islam. When
my husband beats me, he always says that he wishes me well. If I am
obedient, I will enter Heaven.
Has anyone been beaten with
a toothbrush or a handkerchief? Well, believe me; it is as humiliating as
being beaten with a rod (which is kept in our house in case someone really
hits my husbandís raw nerve). You feel like an adolescent, who was
disobedient and has to be punished. I feel so stupid and miserable. If I
go to imam, he will say that it is permissible for a man to disciple
gently his wife. If I was severely battered, I need witnesses. All these
things are happening in the
. Muslims are living in a parallel world; they are not interested in
secular laws that are meant to protect women. Imagine whatís happening
in Muslim countries?!
What about being told that
you are deficient in intelligence and religion? My husband doesnít pay
much attention to what his wives say because we are Ďfull of
deficienciesí. We are meant to bring up children. Thatís all. When I
asked my husband if I could work, he laughed and replied that he
sympathizes with employers who take on women. Nobody can succeed if he has
How did it happen? How
could liberated women of
accede to these humiliations and absurd demands of Mohammed? How could
they believe him? Itís obvious to me. Remember, we women, are main
dwellers of Hell. Unfortunately impressionable Arab women were deceived
into believing in this lie and said goodbye to their rights.
If I donít want to have
sex, nobody cares to respect my wishes. If I try to resist his advances, I
will just be forced to submit. Muslims say that it is natural for men to
have a big appetite for multiple women. As far as I know, it is
questionable but Iíd like to bring up another subject. Religion is
supposed to help people to achieve the highest standard of morality. With
the help of religion, people are supposed to refuse to give in to their
sinful nature. Islam, however, upholds the worst traits of human
character. Muslim men may want to have sex with many women, but they are
living in a civilized society. Canít they overcome their beastly nature
and show that they are civilized?
Christianity is pro
monogamy. It will make you a better human being, if you are monogamous and
fight against your sinful desires. If you are a Muslim, you get carte
blanche to turn into an animal.
My experience with my
husband proves that itís better for me to submit to his whims and have
sex with him whenever he chooses, even when I am not ready for it. After
all, I donít want to be beaten with our special rod.
If a Muslim woman wants to
rebel, she is called disobedient and beaten. If she tries to question
Islam, she is presented with quotes from the Quran or threatened with
burning in Hell. So much for the equality in Islam!