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 Letter from Hell

Att: Syed Ebrahim
Date: Feb.21, 2005
                                                

Dear Syed,

My name is Mohammed bin Abdullah and I have been dead for more than 1400 years. First do not be alarmed for receiving this letter from me. I do not know you but your name comes up randomly of the list of names given to me by the Creator of the Universe whom I shall call, 'CU'(you'll note later why I chose not to call it 'Allah').

Contrary to what millions of muslims believe, I am rotting in 'Hell' for past 1400 years. Now I am about to reveal the truth to you about me that has never been told before since the Islam was founded by me in the Arabian deserts. In writing this memo, it's not my intention to bore you and perhaps, other readers, with details of the biography of my life and the history of Islam. There are already countless numbers of books about me and on Islam available today everywhere. But what  is more important is to tell you about  the whole intention behind my coming up with this scheme that lasted for so long from the borders of Arabian deserts to almost every corner of the world today. Wow! how stupid can you all be? In this snapshot, excuse me for not remembering names, dates and many incidents in chronological order......after all it has been quite a while.

Growing up in Mecca, there's no secret that I was a loner in my town. Since the death of my mother, I have been yo-yo'ed from one house to another by those who felt sorry enough to take care of me. As a kid, I resented the fact that I did not have a father and mother to shower me with TLC as other kids in my neighborhood were fortunate to have. Of them, I became jealous of the Jewish kids in particular as they always appeared to live a good life compared to desert pagans or beduins. I hated them. But I also learned that I wanted to be rich and powerful. For next many years I wandered about hanging around with several camel traders traveling in caravans from town to town waiting for an opportunity to strike rich. One day I met an older lady who gave me job as a 'wheeler-dealer' in her business of selling merchandise to neighboring towns. After a couple of months working for my boss, Khatija, I saw a window of opportunity to fulfill my dream, i.e. wealth and power. I began pursuing her as soon as I realized that my boss held a ticket to my goal. Being a widow and lonely, Khatija accepted my marriage proposal. After a while, I became disenchanted working as a merchant with my wife whose 200 workers(pagans) showed little or no respect for my ability as their new boss.  I knew that I had no special skills. However, I noticed an enormous respect rabbis and priests were getting from Jews and Christians. Being around a bunch of pagans and idol-worshippers all my life, I tried preaching them the teachings of Jesus and Moses after learning them myself from two Christian monks and a rabbi. However, those desert dwellers showed no interest in my sermons. Partly to find peace and partly to get away from my wife's business which I began to detest, I would often go out into the hills or to cave Hira to day-dream. On one particular night upon coming home, after getting 'high' from smoking  hashish, I told my wife and some neighbors that I saw an angel who spoke to me the 'words' from God. Though my stories were met with skeptism for a few days, later they began to take me seriously. Among them was this old gullible man named Abu Bakr who not only believed every word I said but also became my most loyal follower. From the beginning on, I needed to be rough and tough as a gang leader to get their attention. For example, I began abusing  Khatija physically in front of her workers so much that not only I won her silence and obedience but also that of her employees and neighbors. My typical day would include killing of few pagans and Jews and those who doubted me and my revelation with Allah. I would loot and raid, rape and kill, torture and torment and would always end it and justify my actions as part of my new revelations from Allah.  To my dismay, my gang was growing large and becoming more and more ruthless. At the end of the evening, we would celebrate our victories smoking hashish and drinking booze. Later I decided to ban drinking for my men after realizing that they became inactive the next day from 'hang-over' and instead I encouraged smoking weed as it tends to make my men more violent and zombie-like. By now, my gang(army) has grown into thousands as it began attracting and recruiting everyone from street bums, criminals, to sun-baked-brain-dead-beduins who benefited from lootings, free sex, orgies, slavery, and more. Every night was a party night for us. Ahleluia........here I come, Allah! From village to town, from town to city, from city to country, we invaded and raided and conquered. That time many Christians were busy fighting among themselves. So it made our job easier. I was by then on top of the world and felt nothing could stand in my way and Allah. After Khatija, with whom I never enjoyed sex as much as I enjoyed her wealth, died, I began lusting over this very young girl who happened to be Abu Bakr's daughter. The only problem was I was in my 50s while Aisha was barely six years old. With Almighty Allah on my side, I convinced my sidekick, Abu Bakr to hand  her over to me. As any father would, he was first stunned and pleaded with me saying his daughter was just a child still playing with toys. As Aisha became more and more appetizing for my lust while not knowing whether I'd live another day due to fear of being assassinated, I could not wait and again approached her father with a scheme that worked well for me so far. "Abu, I saw an angel last night in my dream who has a message from Allah that I should take Aisha for my wife", I whispered. For the next three years, Aisha was my sex toy locked up in my house like a chicken until she was ready to 'handle' me when she reached her mature age of nine(I know I am a pedophiliac, but who cares). From then on, my lust for women was always answered by my new company, Allah,Incorporated as an open cheque book. I lusted over anyone from slave girls, widows who just lost their husbands in wars, to even my own daughter-in-law. After the Allah,Inc. was established, I knew I needed to come up with a book to keep my followers in check and disciplined. So I introduced the Quran which was a compilation of Bible, Torah and a bagful of collections from Greek and Persian philosophers. Luckily, I had our work cut out for us since most of my followers were illiterate or downright stupid. Otherwise, if copyright law was in effect then, I could be sued for plagiarism. After my death, I learned that muslims blindly follow my teachings through the Quran and Hadiths. After reading a collection of hadiths told by many 'kiss-and-tell' story-tellers about my life and what I did as a so-called prophet including  by my young wife, Aisha, I was certain that this cult I founded would dissipate like communism or nazism. But it didn't. With the fastest growing cult, Islam gained thousands of new members each day  who were given a simple choice of 'embrace Islam or die' method. I should tell you Allah, Inc. which was by then generating enormous profits thru lootings and tax collections, was growing by leaps and bounds, all in wealth, strength and thuggery including ferocity and barbarism. But I was having too much fun to stop it. I said to myself to enjoy this whole game while I could believing that the cult was certain to be destroyed after my death. Lo and behold, this Allah, Inc. is still well, alive and kicking as ever even in the 21st century. As a leader of the cult, I was known to be stone-cold toward human tragedies and atrocities around me. And I was, indeed, except for the time when my army and I were travelling and passed thru a grave site where my mother was buried. I have very fond memories of my mother who loved me dearly and was worried about my welfare until she died of a decease at such young age. The only blemish on her was that she did not die a muslim. Drowning in my own speeches of how infidels should be killed for refusing to submit to Allah, I needed to make an example in front of my muslim soldiers. So I decided against paying respect to my own mother at her grave not 'cos. of my lack of love for her, but for her dying as a pagan. That night in my tent, I cried like a baby missing her terribly. For a fleeting moment, a thought of making many children orphans under my sword crossed my mind, only to snap myself out of it and later went on to marauding and murdering the next day.

My dear friend, fast forward today, I am in hell for past 1400 years sentenced by the Lord, CU. Contrary to horrific layers of hell such as burning for eternity or organs plucking out of a body which I created as a 'fear factor' to scare the hell of my people, the Omnipotent, All Powerful, Compassionate CU punishes us by instilling in us a  sense of concience. Now that I am equipped with human concience, I am forever haunted by the images of families losing their loved ones, slave women being gang-raped, infidels Jews/Christians/pagans being systematically murdered in a genocide, girls dying slowly of being stoned, old men killed for doubting me, etc,etc. Oh, boy! was I evil ! By the way, I share my cell with the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Al Capone, Idi Amin, and Ayatollah Khomeini. All of them leave me alone, except for the Khomeini guy. He follows me everywhere I go like all those morons did back in the deserts. What's appalling to me, in retrospect, is how I got away with murders and how people whose brains are supposed to be enlarged thru evolution process, remain loyal, faithful and obedient to my teachings until today. Can't they see I was a bullshit artist at best; evil at worst? Hitler, who confesses to being inspired by my ideological brainwashing tactics which eventually led him to founding his own, Nazism, once said to me that what works for me did not work for him after humanity-loving civilized world discovered his evil-mind and saw to it that his ideology be eradicated. I told Hitler that my success was primarily due to building my company, Allah Inc. based on nothing but 'fear'(hell) and 'rewards'(paradise). It's no conincident that the muslims, by and large, have contributed nothing to humanity, be in art, technology, social development, medicine, or science ....other than turning to me(oops, sorry, I mean Allah) five times a day while they prepare for a journey to the other world. Another reason I and Allah, Inc. still exist, as I told Hitler and Stalin, is because I cleverly manage to take away muslims' ability to 'think' since their young age. You might have seen in the Quran such verses which prohibit them from questioning about me and my motives. Hitler once credited me that as bad as he was creating his ruthless SS team, he could not get them to kill their own kids. But muslims would not hesitate to murder their own children if their faith is tested either in jihad or honor killings. Al Capone who was listening snapped in and said,"I'd rather take a bullet in my head than to hurt my own child". I nodded my head in agreement with them. Khomeini, however, still believes my deeds were noble and that was all part of Allah the All Knowing's plan. He said Allah created us and the earth and everything around it. Then I asked, "then do you believe the earth is flat as it was stated in the Quran?". "Yes, who will doubt the word of Allah", Khomeini replied beaming with confidence. Quietly I sighed relief with 'ignorance'.  

In conlusion, I realize what I have created out of mankind: (i) a race of ignorance, (ii) a race of idiocy, (iii) a race of barbarism, (iv) a race of backwardness and (v) a race of hatefulness. Genie is out and perhaps, it's too late to save muslims of the world.  Now hear me out, Syed. After 1400 years of confinement in hell, and as a reformed person, I am reaching out to you to see what you can do to save the rest of  mankind. That means all non-good muslims and kafirs, many of whom could be perished in the hands of a few good muslims who follow me and my teachings blindly. Thanks to pseudo-scientist like A.Q.Khan who shared nuclear technology to other muslim bad guys like sharing candies, you all live in a world today 100 times more dangerous than when Islam was under my reign. Remember I only had swords and spears to fight the infidels with. Can't you see it's like giving a match to a bunch of psychopathic pyromaniacs? These guys would stop at nothing to get to this imaginery Allah I created out of a lonely night in a cave.  Wake up, mankind!!!


Regretfully,

Mohammed  

 

 

 

 

 

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