To: The Honorable
President of the United States,
for increasing the bounty amount for Osama Bin Laden. Until recently, Abu
and Osama Bin Laden, both were carrying the same price tag of $25
millions. Mr. Zarqawi
worked hard to become a successful terrorist and his contribution to
suicide industry will be greatly remembered. His unique beheading
technique and the invention of car bomb have set new parameters. Yet he is
no more than a novice player compared to Osama. Now, Osama’s head will
be selling for $50 millions, which would give him a great honor and
acknowledgement of his achievement!
will $50 million inspire anyone to help finding Osama? Will any bounty
hunter dare to roam the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan? Probably-not.
The most experienced and ferocious hunter will be beheaded within no time.
Even though, an average of 8 to10 calls are received per day, none of them
are credible enough to capture Osama. Why this failure? Answer is very
simple, those who are protecting Osama, don’t care for stinky money.
They are not interested in this earthly life because the endless afterlife
seems more attractive to them.
So, I have a solution that may not cost more than $2
millions. All we need a little help from Saudi Arabia. There is a gigantic
black box in Mecca that attracts any and all Muslims of the world like
flies. This black box fell off from Allah’s plane a long time ago, Mr.
Allah did not survive the crash but the black box landed safely in the
middle of the desert. It’s the dream of all pious Muslims to live in
Mecca and play with this black box. Nevertheless, Saudi Arabia does not
believe in immigration system and Muslims of foreign countries do not get
citizenship. Mr. Maudidi was a renowned Islamic scholar who spent his
whole life writing books about Islam and Mohammad. He had only one desire;
he wanted to be buried in the holy land. After his death, his body was
taken to Saudi Arabia but he was immediately transported back to his
In the light of above
facts, Saudi Arabia may offer citizenship to the informer and his family
if that leads to a successful capture of Osama. They will also receive
free passes to visit the black box until they die. Once the pleasure of
afterlife is pledged, we need to give him a little incentive of earthly
life. Most likely, a small house, a herd of goats and some camels should
be enough. The total expenditure may not exceed $2 millions. In order to
send the message to Osama’s lieutenants, we need a good marketing
strategy. If we pay another $8 millions to Al-Zazeera television, they
will happily do the advertising.
Arabia would not be co-operating but their theocracy is at stake due to
Osama Bin Laden. In a fair election, Osama may get the most of the votes
and Saudi authorities are aware of this fact. For the sake of their
throne, Saudi King may agree on this unique idea. I am positive that the
most loyal deputy of Osama will not be able to resist the temptation.
Mr. President, we
still have $40 millions that you need to get rid off. You can always send
me a cashier’s check for that amount and I can take care of the money.
However, there is a second option that you may want to think about. As a
matter of fact, I will sacrifice $40 millions if you opt to go for it.
successfully scuffled communism over the years but failed to see the
danger of Islam. Remember, Mao Tse-tung, the ruthless communist leader of
China? I see many similarities between Mao and Mo, the founder of Islam.
Mao controlled over a billion people and a billion Muslims follow Mo’s
ideology. Mao ruled for more than twenty-five years and Mo ruled for
almost same amount of time. Yet, Mao is no more than a baby compared to
Mo’s brutality. When it comes to “freedom”, the most sacred word
that all Americans cherish has no place in Islam or communism.
Saudi Arabia is
spending billions of dollars to spread Islamic empire, an ideology - much
more dangerous than communism. Alas!
No one sees the danger; no one wants to encounter this aggression. We need
an organized “Anti-Islamic” movement to battle this problem. There are
some websites trying to awaken the world but they need support and
security. So, my second option is, support those dedicated souls who are
fighting for a just cause such as Faithfreedom.org
and other Anti-Islamic sites.
A concerned citizen