22 May 2001
How I left Islam.
It was very simple actually. The bottom line was
that I recognized that this is my life and no one has the right to tell
me what to do. I didnít ask God for this life; so he has no rights on
me, like to tell me to do this and that. That was the bottom line. I got
angry in religion because of this, so I left it and also I thought, that
Muslims think it is very important to be a Muslim, but they forget the
fact that they are Muslims cause their parents are Muslims. While they
talk as if they chose their religion before being born. Of course
thatís not the case. We all are just born into whatever our parents
are and that is not under our control. If you give this argument to a
normal Muslim, they say that Islam is spread everywhere so whoever wants
to convert, he can chose, ďsee the truthĒ and convert. But very few
people convert. Conversion means leaving your family and things. So
conversion is very difficult in most cases and rare. So whatever
Religion you are born in, chances are that your going to stay in that
When I came to the US, I saw other nationalities
with closeness; some nice Hindus, nice Goras, Christians, etc, etc.
Itís not possible that these nice people can burn in Hell eternally
forever. Princess Diana for example. Itís not possible for her to burn
in fire forever and ever. Muslims donít think about this. They take
the burning in fire very lightly. One of the other reasoning I had is
that burning in Hell forever is an infinite sin.
Now life is finite and a person can only commit a
finite amount of sin; it is unfair to punish a finite amount of sin with
an infinite amount of punishment. Doesnít make sense!
So thatís it, I guess. I thought the prophet
lived his own life, so Iíll live my own. Islam tells me to do
something. Well it can go to hell. Itís my life, I didnít sign any
contract with god to obey him, and neither did I ask him for my life.
I am agnostic. If there is god, then he can only
have one relation with me. He will accept my freedom etc. And another
thing which u said in your site also; I also thought since god is all
powerful, its not possible that we small humans can control the mood of
God, by making him happy by prayer, or angry by evil deeds. If we could
do that then it meant we have some control over god, which doesnít
make sense! cause god is supposed to be infinite if power. No one can
Then I saw many losers in my university. Some
prayed 5 times a day. I thought then, there is no connection between
being a good person and being religious. Actually this was my starting
point, when I started having second thoughts about religion. Before that
I was about the most pious guy in my university. I had an ehrab
(impression) on my forehead, and I considered myself as if I was closer
to god than most guys, and I had solace in this thought, cause actually
I was a loner, I didnít have many friends, never could trust people
that much, a victim of depression and low self-esteem etc (cause of
childhood abuse). In those moments praying to God I would push me
further away from humans and sort of bring me closer to god. I thought
at least I know that heíll like me if I did things that pleased him.
At least someone to like me! (I thought). Many Muslims think when we
read namaz, our duty is done. Itís all useless. Namaz sort of
justifies the bad deeds of the people. Itís all so sickening. Reading
the ayats now makes me sick, actually, and to think these Muslims are
still thinking Islam is the only thing! Blind people!
Another thing was that unequal rights of men and
woman in Islam. Apply the same logic. Itís not under your control
whether you are born a woman or a man. So women must have equal rights.
But Islam says otherwise. It says 2 women equal 1 man in witness; and
man are created one degree higher than women. B.S!
In summary, just simply apply the logic that you
keep the religion you are born in (in the BIG majority of cases). Since
where you are born is not under your control, it means that religion
doesnít matter. Just like our color and race: itís not in our
control what race or color we are. What matters is the goodness in us,
thatís all. So religion doesnít matter think of all the people doing
hajj and running between Safa and Marwa like crazy frightened chickens.
What benefit they gaining in this world from doing this hajj, wasting so
much money and time there? And performing the namaz ... what is the
benefit of it?
When I have seen total pathetic people saying namaz,
then asked myself: where is the connection between being good and being
religious? No connection! They are just blinds, following whatever they
I have a weird philosophy too. Islam could be the
religion of devil. Just like it said on some site. Satan said he would
mislead people and this is whatís happening with Muslims. It might be
the only way to explain how Quran, this apparently complex book, was
written. The ways used in Islam, to trap people into leading lives of
losers are really so clever, that it might just not be possible for a
normal human (Mohammad) to think up the ways; like a things said on this
ĎGod has no Religioní
I am just afraid of fundamental Muslims cause they
are ready to tear your throat if you say anything against Islam. So
please make me anonymous. I am worried of the Muslim retaliation cause
people might guess whom I am. I have told many people my ideas.
The other way to live our life (as people who left
Islam) is, to not give a damn about anything and just be happy in our
lives. Let the Muslims bigots do what they are doing, cause we are not
responsible for them. But sometimes you wish you could stop them all and
make the world religious-free.
We are endangering our lives, if we have this aim!
Would we be living happy lives, or would we live facing the death
threats of Muslims, always feeling that the next person has a dagger in
his hand to kill us! We would like peace; right? I guess so! Still, I
donít know, its so confusing. Wishing that religious wars would end.
One thing is good. I think Afghanistan by tearing up those Buddha
statues has done itself harm. In the future if it was in trouble, other
countries would rather not help it, cause they know Afghanistan is a
barbarian country. That could help in taking over Afghanistan, and it
would be better.
I am still at this stage of life, where I donít
know if god exists or not. I also donít know right now, what could be
the source of constitution and laws for a society who does not believe
in god? I guess the source could be common sense, but still one thinks
it could be possible that the world would become wild and unjust?
Donít know in these uncertain thoughts, there is definitely one
certain thought. Everyone can go hell and this is my life and Iíll do
whatever I want to! This gives me some temporary relief :)
Your link to skeptics on your site was very
interesting (about the PhD professor who wrote about why bad beliefs
donít die). Sorry about this haphazard way of writing. It shows you my
mind is insecure and not solid. Thatís the way I am right now. Low
self-esteem has totally crippled my life. Lets see whatís in store for
me in future. Again, please keep me anonymous and as of yet, please
donít publish my story in the website :)
Cause Iím afraid, thatís all. I think this is
the basic story and thoughts that made me go away from religion. Again,
to stop all this worrying, we do have one option :) to just live our own
lives and be free from the fear of Muslims. But then to think this Islam
will keep on living, it would be horrible if everyone was Muslim and
Islamic law was enforced in all countries.
Anyways, take care and best of luck.