I am an Apostate Too
Hello Ali Sina!
Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Fatik. At present Iím no
longer a Muslim but a year ago I was a very fervent Muslim. I turned from
a passionate Muslim into a passionate apostate. I think you have predicted
something like this.
Iím not sure about your feelings towards Muslims, but I hope you
donít hate them. Most Muslims are not as violent as Mullahs from
. Believe me the majority of Muslims only name themselves Muslims but as a
matter of fact they are not. Maybe you will say that I am a hopeless
optimist but I am sure one day Islam will be slain and peace and
compassion will rule the world. The good often fought against the evil but
in the end the good always dominated. Itís a kind of a universal truth.
I first found your site a year ago. My first impression was actually
very positive as I thought apostatesí tales would only strengthen my
faith in Allah. Your site didnít make me leave Islam because I indeed
had a very strong faith. However your site made me think. I think itís
even more important than turning from blind faith to blind hatred. After
reading your articles I made up my mind to speak to my Imam who was the
most influential person in my life.
Unfortunately Imam didnít understand my urge to find the truth. It
was very disappointing because I really love knowledge and understanding.
For the first time in my life I comprehended that Islam and Imams in
particular didnít encourage us to think. But I believed that real Islam
and real Allah were different, it just that people corrupted words of
The following events in my life intensified my doubts about Islam. Imam
wouldnít help so I would find the truth on my own. And I started my
journey to the truth.
Iím living in
and itís such a beautiful city. I always wanted to visit movie theatres,
restaurants, opera houses and musical concerts. But I was told that it was
a sin. After I became more or less critical, it struck upon me, ďWHY?Ē
Why did Allah forbid us from enjoying our lives? Why did he create all
this beauty that made me lose breath and then banned it? Sometimes I
wanted to spread my arms and imagine I was a bird that could fly. But Imam
would always cut in, ďYouíre a slave to AllahĒ. Why? Why? Why?
Before I ran into your site, I had never asked such questions. I had been
thinking that Allah knew everything better and I had to obey. But then I
turned into a rebel.
I decided to listen to some music. I listened to classical music and
modern singers. It was so wonderful. How could Allah forbid this beautiful
and amazing music? How could he allow non-believers create strikingly
beautiful music? What did Muslims create? When I turned on classical music
or Boy George (ďCrying gameĒ), I felt I was so close to eternity, to
God, to Allah. But Iím a slave to Allah, Iím submitted. Remember?
I began to look through your articles and they began to make sense to
me. I began to understand what you were feeling.
I also started to question the most sensitive topic in the Koran, about
women. I was working as a lawyer and I just graduated from university. My
employer was a woman. She was (and is) such a good lawyer; she showed me
so many interesting things in the law. And the Koran tells me Iím (still
a mindless boy) better than her! Isnít it absurd? I gather you are
living in the
. Right? Then you must understand that itís no longer relevant to demand
obedience from women. Why did Allah say that we have to demand obedience
from women? He must have known that it would not be eternal. ďDonít
kill!Ē is a universal truth but ďWomen, submit!Ē is not.
"Donít kill", by the way, is not a rule from the Koran. Itís
actually from the Bible.
My next question was about Hell and Heaven. Is it possible that Allah
will send 5 billion people to Hell? Why is he so violent and vicious? I
thought of Mother Teresa and Buddhist monks and nuns, for example. Will
they go to Hell? Why? Why? Why?
I couldnít find answers on Muslim sites. They simply ignore it.
Posting on their forums was useless. I found answers on your site. I felt
that once you were in search of the truth (or a truth?). If your site
didnít exist, I would still perform pointless rituals. Iím so happy
that you didnít allow me to waste my precious life. We live only once
(at least I think so; but who knows?) and we may not waste this life.
Iím so grateful to you.
At times when I and my girlfriend are together at home (which happens
rarely since we both are very busy lawyers), we go to the roof. We sit
there and watch the Sun going down. We both feel that God or a higher
being exists. We feel so free.
Dear Ali Sina, I could write about my angry family, about death
threats, but whatís the point? I found my peace of mind, thanks to you.
I enjoy my life and I donít need anything else.
P.S. I would very much appreciate your comments.
What a great story. No scene is more delightful
than to watch a bird be released from his cage and take his flight,
flapping his wings in the blue sky. Likewise there is nothing more joyous
than see someone release himself from the prison of dogmas and free from
the shackles of blind faith, soar freely, as God intended, make love to
life and make friendship with the rest of mankind.
You ask about my feelings towards Muslims. I love
Muslims the same way I love the rest of mankind. I am race blind, religion
blind, caste blind, gender blind. I canít see these differences. I am
blind to them. What I hate is ignorance, bigotry and violence. I hate
Islam for the same reason I hate Nazism, KKK and other hate mongering
doctrines. There is noting sinful in hate and nothing virtuous in love.
What matter, are the objects of hate and love! A person who loves
crime and violence is not superior to one who hates them.
If you call yourself a hopeless optimist because
you think Muslims can be redeemed and that the majority of them are
Muslims only by name you are not alone. The reason I dedicated my life to
this project is because I am an optimist too and I never gave up hope. I
know Islam will be slain and Muslims will be freed. I know this mindless
"kafir" vs. "Muslim" dichotomy will come to an end and
Muslims will start seeing the rest of mankind as fellow humans. The end of
Islam is very near. When I said this a few years ago I sounded like a
crackpot. I hesitated saying it at first but I became so convinced that I
said it finally. Let people say I am a crackpot. History will
vindicate me. Some are prophets of doom but I like to be a prophet of hope.
As for your angry family, thank heavens for being
independent and not relying on them for financial support. This makes your
life less tormenting. Nonetheless, do not cut your ties from them.
Distance yourself from them for a while until their anger subsides and
they resign to see you as an apostate, and then try to be as close to them
as you can and make sure your beliefs never come between you and your
loved ones. All truths are relative. Our understanding of the truth
changes everyday. What is absolute and never changing is love, especially
parent-child love that, like your own life, is irreplaceable. Never let
your relationship with your family deteriorate because of a belief.
Beliefs come and go and ďtruthsĒ are dime a dozen. God is in love.
Thank you for sending this. This was my Christmas
With best wishes