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Iranian UFO Blasphemy 

By  IoshkaFutz

I'm a skeptic concerning UFOs, but several days ago, I prayed that a report coming from the Reuters' office in Tehran was true.

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Is Iran about to be invaded by little green men or are the Americans racing through the night sky in spaceships to spy on the Islamic Republic? Flying saucer fever has gripped Iran after dozens of sightings in the last few days. Fanciful cartoons of alien spacecraft have adorned the front pages.


Now I realize that I'm in the realm of the semi-facetious, talking about extraterrestrials, but upon strange sightings, the collective imagination of an entire country went precisely there... it went there easily, by default, as it would anywhere else in the world. But Iran is not just any other place in the world, it is a theocracy. The one-and-only Allah holds sway, the God interpreted by Mohammad (with perhaps a few adjustments from his brother-in-law).

So what if...

Well the possibilities are infinite. We here are accustomed to two sexes, male and female. Couldn't extraterrestrials have more? Male, female, hermaphrodite, neuter...

What if "procreative" sex for these beings (with minds capable of resolving mathematical problems such as this



...at the blink of a nose) were a once-a-year weeklong event?... Or what if instead it was a fast-as-a-handshake activity... or a required one, like eating, in which abstinence meant certain death?

What if their "skin" surfaces required total exposure? Like leaves on a tree? Or reptiles... Yes, what if demanding them to dress modestly was as silly as trying to put an overcoat on an iguana?

Let's not imagine Alien Monsters, but highly decent, and helpful beings, willing to assist us, to share their amazing technology, one capable of transforming deserts into gardens in less than 10 years, of curing the incurable, of permanently ending all present and future energy crises, of teaching Hungarian to grown-ups in 7 days...

What if...

What if they had no sense of private property, because each possessed infinite virtual domains as real to them as Kansas was to the Apaches?

How would the followers of Allah treat these funny looking "brothers" with their blinking noses, copulating handshakes, mandatory gastro-erotics?

What happens to modesty, fingertip chopping, take not infidels as friends, the whole shebang of sweet and harsh injunctions?

Science fiction is not to be waved off unthinkingly. I mean here you are on the web reading the musings of some poor fool born in 1952. If someone back in my youth had told me: "One day soon you will be able to make your thoughts instantly available worldwide as fast as a click!" - I'd have likely answered: "Oh come on, get real, that stuff's science fiction!"

Well what's the point of all this?

Simple. The Koran and Extraterrestrials are glaringly incompatible. If there is different, but intelligent, "moral" life out there beyond the dazzling firmament so finely viewed from the deserts of Araby, the Koran, the so-called word of God, for all times and all places, instantly deserves to be lovingly placed on a shelf and forgotten, more or less like my Commodore 64 manual.

At every spring cleaning binge I am tempted to throw that booklet away, but I invariably resist, remembering the fine moments the machine had afforded me. I don't care, I'll keep it. Dabbling with old hardware and software is fun... all the more so when you realize that the people who made it were just as smart, if not smarter than the geniuses of today. They had less to sustain their imagination. They were trailblazers.

But never mind. I'm digressing... Back to the issue at hand.

The people of Iran saw lights in the sky... and then UFO cartoons in their newspapers. Could it be that by so naturally, unthinkingly imagining a possibility that would undoubtedly mean the end of their religion, they all committed a subtle form of Blasphemy?

What's a home that cannot survive a surprise visit from distant relatives? What's a religion that cannot survive a visit from another corner of the universe supposedly created by its own God?

I look forward to some answers. Please don't remind me that I'm destined to hell. That issue is already being addressed.

 

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