My story of leaving Islam
Dear Ali Sina,
I have just found your blog and I wanted to share my experience with leaving Islam. It is a very long and very painful story but I wanted to share it as I want to raise awareness of just how disgustingly horrible this religion is. It all started in 2016 when I met my partner. She was the most incredible, special, wonderful woman you could ever meet. Kind, caring, understanding and loving. We started out as friends and very quickly fell in love. I couldn’t believe it. Within a month of knowing each other we had confessed how we felt to one another only… We couldn’t be together. I told her so and she accepted this was because I was Muslim, but her love for me was so deep that she agreed to stay with me even if we couldn’t be a true couple and that we were doomed to break up due to Islam. I wanted to be with her more than anything in the world but I couldn’t. I truly believed that it was not possible for us to be together and I accepted that there was nothing I could do for a variety of reasons.
Religion was one. It was haram to marry her. To be with her and I felt like I had to obey. I was afraid of hell, of the punishment. Another aspect was my family. I knew they would never approve but I quickly got over that and didn’t care if they didn’t want us to be together. My main issue was how I couldn’t be with her due to Islam. It culminated into a big argument in which she begged me to be with her forever. To give her forever. A true relationship and I couldn’t. I cried, I got angry, I yelled. I just wanted her to understand it was out of my hands. It was what had to happen. Or so I thought it was in my foolishness. I was so brainwashed by this religion that I couldn’t even see that my actions were hurting her.
We stayed together despite it and as the months went by it got worse and worse. She learnt more and more about my religion and it made her feel more and more dirty and unloved. I used to watch porn in youth stupidly and she realised that in Islam watching porn is less of a sin than being in a relationship with a non-muslim and felt like she was lower than even that… She felt lower and dirtier than a prostitute and it was all because of my beliefs…
I made her feel unwanted and unattractive and felt dirty and low because she believed that I viewed her as a sin. Which I never did, but Islam defined her as one. As a Kafir. I saw her as something beautiful and pure. I loved her with all my heart but the fact I was still Muslim made her feel that way. That I couldn’t let go of it and still defended a God that she saw as being the reason she lost her father to Cancer and even suffered from cancer herself. All the while I was talking about how God is just and she couldn’t cope with this. She couldn’t understand how I could defend such a cruel evil God who would call her suffering a righteous punishment and our love a dirty sin…
Eventually I left Islam after months, but the damage was done and some of the beliefs it had instilled in me were harder still to remove. I had trouble making the changes needed and now she can’t forget the way I treated her. She can’t forget how low and unloved she felt and the woman I fell in love with is almost completely gone. She’s so unsure of herself. So angry and hurt and the kind, sweet, free spirited and loving woman I fell in love with is almost a memory. Lost in the pain and torment this religion brought on her. I am heartbroken and I’ve almost lost all hope that we can recover from what has happened.
We aren’t together now and I don’t think we ever will be again. What could’ve been a beautiful and happy relationship filled with love was destroyed by this vile religion and this is all that is left of us now… Two heartbroken people who have lost that loving connection that we had sought to form.
I want to warn people of what this disgusting religion does. It truly is a religion of hate and is so vile. Now I am left feeling suicidal and wanting to end my life every day. The only thing stopping me is this woman I have hurt so badly and just wanting to see her happy again because I love her so much. I truly wish that the world would wake up and ban this disgusting cult. I lost 25 years of my life and my future with someone I can only describe as my soulmate to the madness of a lunatic from 1400 years ago. A madness the world defends as a religion of peace. It’s not fair and the sheer hypocrisy of it makes me feel so sick. The world defends Muslims without even looking at the cruelty that this religion inflicts every single day.I only hope that the world is free from its dark shadow one day. I know I will not live to see that day, but I truly hope it does happen, one day.Kind Regards,Mohamed Hassan.
Hello Mohamed Hassan,
What a heart breaking story! But, it does not have to be like that. Praise the Lord that you have woken up. It is a new beginning. Yes, the pain of what has been lost is immense, but you have most of your life ahead of you and now that you are free of the shackles you can live a happy and fruitful life.
I suggest you send the link to this article to your ex-girlfriend. Of course she is hurt, but this testimony may make her realize what you did to her was not your fault. You were possessed by a demonic spirit and now you are free from it. I hope she will come back and see for herself what a difference it makes to be free from Islam and that without the mind control of Islam you are a beautiful child of God.
Of course suicide is dumb. But I understand the loss and the sadness that one feels after leaving Islam. I am not a depressive kind of person, but I went through a period of intense sadness. Maybe it was depression. But depression is often without a cause. My sadness had a cause and that was the realization of how I had wasted my life chasing a mirage and how over a billion others are doing the same making this world a hell for themselves and for everyone else.
You may have seen the movie The Shawshank Redemption. In it, there is a character named Brooks Hatlen, an old prisoner played by James Whitmore. He has spent his entire adult life in prison and it is the only world he knows. When released, he does not know how to deal with freedom. He is overtaken by sadness. Unable to cope, he hangs himself and ends his life. It is an excellent movie to watch.
It is how ex-Muslims feel when they set themselves free from Islam. We know that we cannot go back but we don’t know how to fit in the world either. Some choose to live their apostasy in silence. On the surface they play the game and pretend to be Muslim while they no longer believe in any of it. Some leave Muslims altogether, but find it hard to find their place in the world and the world remains distrustful of them. It is not easy.
Finding another community to belong helps. I know there is a lot of nonsense in Christianity that puts off any rational person. I was put off by them for many years. But if you can separate Christianity from Jesus, you will find him to be a secure rock and a solace. Finding Jesus and clinging to him gives new meaning to your life. And if you find a Christian church to join you can make new friends and find a new family. I found many Christians are genuinely loving people. When I went for my baptism, I was so much touched by a couple who had prepared a greeting card for me and gave it to me after my baptism. They did not know me, but they went out of their way to make me feel welcomed.
There are three ways to know Christ. One is through churches. This is not my favorite way. The other is through the Gospels. Just remember that the Gospels were written by humans. They are not literal words of God, but you can find the words of God within them. There is also some truth and beauty in the Old Testament, but just read it as a matter of interest. Much of it is fairy-tale. Find Jesus in the Gospels. The third and my favorite way is to establish a personal relationship with Jesus. This is by far the best way and the easiest of all. Make Christ the focus of your life. Think of him at all times and love him with all your heart and soul. Another way to love Jesus is to love others, even animals, and particularly yourself. We are all parts of God. So when you love others, you love God and when you love God, He loves you more.
To love you need to practice. It is like playing music, sport, writing or painting. It is an art that can be learned. That too is also simple. My way of practicing is to focus on someone walking in front of me, it can be a child, an adult or an old person, a woman or a man, well dressed or in rags. And then I send my love to him or her. I imagine this persons struggles, hopes, dreams, sorrows and pains. I identify myself with them. Then I repeat in my mind, you are a child of God. God loves you and so do I. I pray for your happiness, that the Spirit of the Lord descend upon you, take care of you and fill your life with joy and blessings. And then move my focus to another stranger and repeat the same. I may not even see their faces and for sure I will not verbalize my thoughts or everyone will think I am crazy.
At the end I never forget to send the same message of love to myself. I am also a child of God and loved by Him. I am a fractal of His infinite spirit. If I don’t love myself, it means I don’t love God. Never forget to send your love to yourself. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love anyone.
And as an animal lover, I cannot help but send my love to all the birds, dogs, cats, cows, raccoons, squirrels and fish. I even send my love to trees and plants. I pray to the soul of the food I consume and thank the carrot, the onion and the spinach that I eat. They too have life and all things that has life is part of God. Just as sun light makes no distinction and shines on all things, I make sure my love encompasses everyone and everything. That is how God loves His creatures and what He loves we should love too.
I hope all ex-Muslims find Jesus in the way that best suit them. He is the source of all joy and all happiness. Just as there is no darkness in light, there is no sadness in Jesus.
I also hope that your ex-girlfriend will come back and you can start all over again. I would love to read her testimony after witnessing the changes in you, so the world can see the evil that is coming out of the Muslims and their world is not inherent but the result of Islam, that the enemy are not Muslims but Islam. It is this ideology that needs to be defeated. Killing Muslim terrorists will not solve the problem because more will be born every day. This poisonous tree must be uprooted so that the lives of Muslims are saved and the world can experience peace.
People born to this evil cult are just people like everyone else. They can love and feel like everyone else. It is when they are possessed by the demonic spirit of Muhammad that they lose their humanity and act like zombies.
I hope your girlfriend will come back, rediscover the real you without the influence of Islam. And if she doesn’t, don’t be troubled. There is always someone else. Pray and leave your life in the hands of God. He will take care of all your needs, if you can learn to trust.