Muhammad’s wives and others: on the lookout for suiters


From: Asma Bint Marwan (PBUH)!!

Fact: Muslims do it better


Name Khadija
Age 28
Interests Looking after my children, managing my investments, shopping for bargains, care of camels, debating, dream interpretation, private strip-tease shows, collecting jewellery.
Married before? Yes, but both dear men are respectably dead.
Children I have a few and I’d like a few more.
Finances Don’t worry about it. I’m a millionaire.
Heart’s Desire A better world where families are strong and spirituality is valued.


Name Ayesha
Age 9
Interests Swings, dolls, food-fights, foot-races, pranks, necklaces, tambourine, Abyssinian martial arts displays, reading, poetry, herbal medicine, public speaking.
Married before? Never!
Children? Of course not.
Finances Daddy is rich.
Heart’s Desire I am good at maths and would like to be a women’s rights lawyer.


Name Sawda
Age 39
Interests Leather-crafts, perfume-making, travel, babysitting.
Married before? My husband is dead.
Children? I have one, and I promise to love all of yours.
Finances I’m sure my little business will keep us nicely.
Heart’s Desire (1) To rise at the Resurrection. (2) To lose weight.



Name Hafsa
Age 18
Interests Reading, writing, debating, hairdressing, magic spells.
Married before? My husband died serving the Cause.
Children? None.
Finances My father is a millionaire.
Heart’s Desire I am a big believer in fidelity and equality in marriage. I hope my writing will influence other people to understand why this matters.


Name Zaynab
Age 30
Interests Social work, social connections, social recognition.
Married before? I am a genuine Emigrant Martyr’s Widow, perhaps the only one left on the market. (I’ve been divorced twice and widowed twice. Yes, a lot of men want me!)
Children? You won’t be encumbered, as I can’t have any.
Finances You won’t be encumbered, as I can pay my own way.
Heart’s Desire A world where everyone has enough to eat.


Name Hind (but you can call me Umm Salama)
Age 28
Interests Looking after my children, herbal medicine, law, travel, reading.
Married before? Alas, my true love died for the Cause.
Children? I have four.
Finances I don’t think it’s polite to talk about money.
Heart’s Desire A world where people play fairly (especially to women and children), speak politely and mind their own business.


Name Barra (but you can call me Zaynab)
Age 36
Interests Leather-crafts, needlework, pearl-piercing, dyeing, fashion (especially veil styles), beauty, bathing, prayer, charity work, seduction.
Married before? Widowed once and divorced once.
Children? One, but he died.
Finances I’m earning good money and I expect to keep working after marriage.
Heart’s Desire I aspire to be a person of true nobility in this world and the next, breaking old taboos and holding the heart of my true love.


Name Rayhana
Age 15
Interests Tanning, date-farming, wheat-growing, home brewing, veil styles.
Married before? You should know. You’re the one who killed him!
Children? No.
Finances I had money before you stole it all!
Heart’s Desire Stand up to the big bully. Even if he destroys you, never be afraid to take a stand.


Name Barra (but you can call me Juwayriya)
Age 20
Interests Poetry, beach-combing, care of camels, singing, dancing, fashion.
Married before? You already know how my husband died.
Children? No.
Finances You already know where my father’s money is.
Heart’s Desire The abolition of slavery. If only all captives could return home to their loved ones!


Name Ramla (but you can call me Umm Habiba)
Age 34
Interests Travel, collecting gold and perfume, dream interpretation, keeping my rugs clean, symbolic insults.
Married before? The idiot is now dead.
Children? One daughter.
Finances I am comfortably off.
Heart’s Desire (1) Work my way to Paradise at any cost. (2) Destroy the curse of alcohol.


Name Zaynab (but you can call me Safiya)
Age 16
Interests Date-farming, home brewing, cookery, reading, collecting jewellery, sarcastic jokes, crying.
Married before? Amicably divorced (but you have since killed both him and his second wife). Remarried to my true love (and how you killed him fires my nightmares).
Children? No.
Finances You know where some of my money is (in your coffers). And if I knew where the rest was hidden, would I tell you?
Heart’s Desire Freedom of religion without any swords.


Name Barra (but you can call me Maymuna)
Age 36
Interests Rules, rituals, housework, picking up other people’s litter, cleaning my teeth.
Married before? Divorced once and widowed once. Both times were polygamous, and I do not quarrel with co-wives.
Children? No.
Finances You won’t be encumbered, as I can pay my own way.
Heart’s Desire A world free from such contaminants as alcohol, dogs and snakes.


Name Mariya
Age 18
Interests Not sure … I’ll do anything you ask me to.
Married before? No.
Children? No.
Finances I’m already living at your expense.
Heart’s Desire I’d like a nice house in the suburbs where nobody teases me.


Name Mulayka
Age I’m too young to know my mind.
Interests I’ve lost interest.
Married before? I’m too distracted to remember.
Children? I think not.
Finances You’ll have to ask my brothers about that.
Heart’s Desire I want to meet people who will tell me the truth.


Name Fatima
Age Not telling!
Interests Watching people, veil styles, collecting dung, drying dung, selling dung, warning people that dung is not nice.
Married before? What do you think?
Children? No.
Finances You’ll have to ask my father about that.
Heart’s Desire A career change.


Name Asma
Age 20
Interests Politics, diplomacy, drama & acting, veil styles.
Married before? My husband is dead.
Children? No.
Finances Of course – in the millions.
Heart’s Desire I pledge to devote myself to the law, order, peace and justice that are necessary for the prosperity of our nation.


Name Just call me Al-Jariya
Age I’ve never counted.
Interests My mistress instructs me to advertise water-carrying, grain-grinding, baking, dish-washing, floor-sweeping, laundry, sewing and sex.
Married before? No.
Children? No.
Finances I’m already living at your expense.
Heart’s Desire Manumission.


Name Amra
Age 14
Interests Care of camels, pasture types, tents, fashion, beauty.
Married before? Yes. Did you ask why he divorced me?
Children? No.
Finances No.
Heart’s Desire A cure for my illness.


Name Tukana (but you can call me Beauty)
Age Younger than you.
Interests Housework, fashion, varieties of spirituality.
Married before? No.
Children? No.
Finances I’m already living at your expense.
Heart’s Desire One day my Prince will come…



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