Islam ruining my family

[ex-muslim]

As you all probably know I have totally left islam (I was born muslim), but I can't bare seeing some members of my family following it.

My siblings aren't really religious which is good, but for example I hate it when I see my mum praying. She doesn't pray 5 times a day, but near enough. She sometimes gets up early to read fajir namaz, she has to do the whole wudu thing (washing oneself before prayer). She sometimes feels guilty when she's too lazy to pray. Then while watching some islamic programme on TV, the imam usually says how important praying namaz is and how its a major sin to not pray, and that makes her feel guilty and she starts praying again...... I really hate islam for doing this to her. I know how she must feel because I used to be like that too. I used to go out of my way to pray, I used to go through all the effort, I used to feel guilty when I didn't pray.
When I walk into my living room and I see my mum praying it REALLY upsets me. Shes making all this effort for NOTHING! She's feeling guilty for NOTHING!

And I've got a 4 year old nephew who's started to go mosque and he's starting to learn all the islam bull$hit. I don't mind him learning arabic because hey, its another language after all, but I don't want him go through all this 'oh i must pray or i will go to hell' phase that most young muslims go through (including me) because it really makes you feel guilty when you don't pray.
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[hedonism]

It's hard to pray if you have a job. Especially praying 5 times a day. How the hell are you gonna do that on your job?
This alone proves that Islam is a religion for 7th century mentality not for our times.

I agree with what Cyber said. Aski why is it so important for her to pray and will it help her at all? I doubt her life will be any different/better/with more luck if she did pray more than does today.

[Angelika]

Hi ex-muslim,

good to express your feeling on this message-board! Is there anyone in real life to talk with about all these things? Wow, it must be hard to see your own mum feel quilty.Do you live with your parents?

Try to find a way to express your hate. Sports, painting, writing in a diary etc........

[peace4U]

Hi Ex-muslim!

I can imagine how it feels like to see a relative following this cult. I myself feel so sorry for the women covering their hair in public, not being allowed to go swimming in the summertime,.... But they are not relatives. So your feelings will be much stronger.

I aswell would advice you to talk to her. I am not sure how educated your family is. But biggest problem I see in islamic countries is the fact that so many people (especially women) are unable to read and write.

They do not know about the rest of the world. They even do not know about their own country. So they just follow what someone (men, Imams..) tell them.

So many muslims have no idea about the many many organisations from the bad bad West which help the poor countries. If a muslim hear the word ´democracy´ or ´freedom´ they think of naked women, having sex with everyone....

But of course this is not true. But how can you find out about the truth if you are not able to read and/or write or if you are even NOT ALLOWED to do it?

Maybe it would be helpful to educate your mother a bit about the world around her. Do not mention religion, but just people. Does she think if my brother (unbeliever) rescues her life this will not be rewarded by God just because he is a dirty kafir?
Does she believe that all the atheists in this world who are trying to make this world a better one will end in hell?

It is not easy to talk with parents. Especially if they are older ones. But give it a try. Ask her about her moral values. Tell her what you experience in life or tell her about any news like how many doctors in the West help muslim children and women who are disabled, mentally disturbed,...

Wish you good luck! And never feel hatred towards your family! They are the victims!

peace4U
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Stop the violence committed by islam!

[eduardo]

Maybe we are too ready to offer ex Muslim advice. Nowhere in his post did he ask for advice or solutions, though it's possible he wanted them. But maybe he just wanted to know people heard him and that they know what he's going through?

Often people in difficulty just want to be heard and to see detailed signs that the details of what they communicated were heard. When we jump in too quickly and try to 'fix' a person or his situation, we can easily convey the very opposite experience to the person, that s/he is not heard, not seen, not received, and that we think his situation is easier to solve and dispense with than it is, and that we think we can solve it better than he can, or that we don't accord to him a fundamental respect and trust in his individual powers and unique spark of freedom.

The person can feel unheard then, especially if the problem is partly a matter that has to do with inner battles that the person in question can really only solve himself -- though with the help of listening friends to help him hear himself, if he wishes, and with advice offered only if specifically requested, and perhaps not even then, if the problem in question is not really one of specialized knowledge, but rather a problem intimately to do with the person's unique inner destiny and individuality, where the person really must find his own way. In such circumstances even if the person asks for advice, he may discover he is happier if you don't give it and merely listen as closely as possible and non-judgementally to him. The person in difficulty knows a thousand times better than most others the unique situation he is in, and thus often the best service that can be rendered is to listen so well that one helps that person give himself full permission to think and be and and hear his own thoughts. This is sort of a midwife role, the bridge over troubled waters thing, and is related to the way of Socrates (who was much more than an intellectual. He listened to a voice, a daemon, that never directly prescribed to him the content of his actions, but did warn him off sometimes from one or another thing he had been about to do.)

[Frodo Baggins]

I think the whole pray five times a day thing is one of the reasons why Islam is so hard to let go of. Total mind control.
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Do you know of any good links about Islam? Suggest them to me for the Internet Toolbox for Islam-critics, and inform me about links not working.

[bob]

[Flashpoint]

Some say that Islam can not be reformed. Some say that it can be reformed. Daniel Pipes says Islam can be what ever Muslims want it to be; perhaps so.

Your mother’s prayers are an expression of your mother’s Islam.
No doubt she has a true and noble heart. Her prayers give voice to that heart. Through prayer she touches the infinite.
Her prayers are to Allah yes, but they are prayers to her Allah, one endowed with the qualities of her heart. It’s not necessary to alter or silence that voice.

Whatever their faith, mothers everywhere, are the most perfect of beings.
Are they not?

[bob]

[Flashpoint]

Bob,

I agree with everything you wrote but I don’t think there is a guide or action plan for the pain that Ex-Muslim is suffering. His desire to see his mother free of Islam is understandable but I am suggesting that he act from love not desire.

He knows his mothers heart and he should consult his own.
Often it has been written on this site that most Muslims are good people and therefore bad Muslims.
These good people have an Islam of their own making devoid of the brutal aspects of fundamental Islam.

While I would like to see Islam go away, at the personal level of ones own mother, one should adopt the physician’s motto “first, do no harm”.

For Ex-Muslin to suggest to his mother that her religion is false and that he has become an apostate could be devastating for the poor woman.

Also in leaving Islam, Ex-Muslim is experiencing a separation from his mother as if he has lost her.
This can cause profound sorrow and grieving. If his heart informs him that his mother’s Islam is an expression of a mothers loving heart, he can embrace it and reunite with her and dispel his grief.

Perhaps in the long run a confrontation would be best for all concerned, I just don’t know.
I do know the pain that family members can cause one another so I advise caution.