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IamFound
Joined: 20 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
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 Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 7:41 am Post subject: Confused, to say the least. |
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Note: This post ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be. If you're going to start reading, please finish...
So, I've been hijab-free for about 4 months now. Those who know my story, know that one of my brothers and my father disowned me after I was caught out downtown without my hijab back in September.
Now, my brother and I are finally speaking again. My dad is in town (he spends most of the year working out of town), and although my relationship with him is strained, as always, it is clear that my mother has spoken to him, and he is slowly accepting my decision.
So now, the point of my post:
I've been going through a hard time for the past couple of months, to say the least. I've found myself completely disinterested in my hobbies, ignoring my friends, being easily irritable, have screaming fests with my mother almost on a daily basis, hating my job, hating school, having the worst luck in every aspect of my life. The list could go on forever.
Although my mother and I argue a lot, she has witnessed a lot of what I've been going through.
Usually, when I raise my voice to my mother, she screams back. This one time was different:
She picked me up from work, I had had the worst day imaginable, for many reasons. She knew something was bothering me, and she kept pushing for me to tell me, til I finally caved.
I was screaming out all my frustrations, about life in general [at this point, my father and brother still weren't talking to me] This time, she didn't scream back. Instead, she looked over at me, and calmly said: "Return to Allah. He will guide you through these hard times. I'm sure you've noticed that your life started getting difficult after you strayed from the religion. Just start praying, saying du'aa, and just put yourself in Allah's hands. I promise you, life will become so much easier" She kept speaking, but I tuned her out. It was the last thing I wanted to hear.
I didn't respond.
Did she truly find out that I had apostated? How could she possibly know?
And something else that bothered me....
She was right. My life took a steep turn downhill immediately after I stopped believing.
Have you ever gone through anything similar? Ever considered leaving behind all the knowledge about the collection of lies that Islam truly is, and returning to Allah to have a sense of security in your life?
I almost feel guilty for feeling this way... I know Islam is wrong, according to the information I've acquired with the help of this forum, among other websites, books, and debates. But... my father has the whole Qur'an memorized, my brother is extremely religious, my whole family is on an unavoidable path of Islam, and I'm the only one who managed to stray away. They've read all the contradictions and the horrid contents of the Qur'an, yet they're religious. Why? Could the possibly be right?
I needed to get that off my chest, thanks to those who read.
_________________
& the tear in her eye
Vaporized, by the suddenly brilliant sun;
finding its way through the gloom...
The world's vast beauty finally emerging
Breaking through the shadow of an
Illusionary higher being... |
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diotima64
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
Posts: 16559
Location: middleearth
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:31 am Post subject: |
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Nothing you say speaks of anything but your soul/psyche being in turmoil. To me it sounds that you are battling depression, probably caused by your life-changing decision. You are confused, scared and preoccupied. Quite natural, I would say. Changing one´s whole worldview is not an easy thing.
_________________
Ahmed the wife-beating bahgat moslem said:
"I said I will beat MY ILL CONDUCT WIFE if she insists on her ill conduct" |
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AhmedBahgat
Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 10001
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:42 am Post subject: Re: Confused, to say the least. |
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| IamFound wrote: |
Note: This post ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be. If you're going to start reading, please finish...
So, I've been hijab-free for about 4 months now. Those who know my story, know that one of my brothers and my father disowned me after I was caught out downtown without my hijab back in September.
Now, my brother and I are finally speaking again. My dad is in town (he spends most of the year working out of town), and although my relationship with him is strained, as always, it is clear that my mother has spoken to him, and he is slowly accepting my decision.
So now, the point of my post:
I've been going through a hard time for the past couple of months, to say the least. I've found myself completely disinterested in my hobbies, ignoring my friends, being easily irritable, have screaming fests with my mother almost on a daily basis, hating my job, hating school, having the worst luck in every aspect of my life. The list could go on forever.
Although my mother and I argue a lot, she has witnessed a lot of what I've been going through.
Usually, when I raise my voice to my mother, she screams back. This one time was different:
She picked me up from work, I had had the worst day imaginable, for many reasons. She knew something was bothering me, and she kept pushing for me to tell me, til I finally caved.
I was screaming out all my frustrations, about life in general [at this point, my father and brother still weren't talking to me] This time, she didn't scream back. Instead, she looked over at me, and calmly said: "Return to Allah. He will guide you through these hard times. I'm sure you've noticed that your life started getting difficult after you strayed from the religion. Just start praying, saying du'aa, and just put yourself in Allah's hands. I promise you, life will become so much easier" She kept speaking, but I tuned her out. It was the last thing I wanted to hear.
I didn't respond.
Did she truly find out that I had apostated? How could she possibly know?
And something else that bothered me....
She was right. My life took a steep turn downhill immediately after I stopped believing.
Have you ever gone through anything similar? Ever considered leaving behind all the knowledge about the collection of lies that Islam truly is, and returning to Allah to have a sense of security in your life?
I almost feel guilty for feeling this way... I know Islam is wrong, according to the information I've acquired with the help of this forum, among other websites, books, and debates. But... my father has the whole Qur'an memorized, my brother is extremely religious, my whole family is on an unavoidable path of Islam, and I'm the only one who managed to stray away. They've read all the contradictions and the horrid contents of the Qur'an, yet they're religious. Why? Could the possibly be right?
I needed to get that off my chest, thanks to those who read. |
Your mother is 100% right, return to Allah, and He should guide you and give you peace if you are sincere.
You must make the best of the clear signs seen, your life is ruined the meoment you forgot Alah and it was heainding down quick, BTW, you are the only one who can help in saving yourself
_________________
Click to read and watch my 10000 comment on FFI |
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ixolite
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 12939
Location: land of pork and beer
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:50 am Post subject: |
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| diotima64 wrote: |
| Nothing you say speaks of anything but your soul/psyche being in turmoil. To me it sounds that you are battling depression, probably caused by your life-changing decision. You are confused, scared and preoccupied. Quite natural, I would say. Changing one´s whole worldview is not an easy thing. |
I agree with dio, it seems you are in a depression.
_________________
</islam>
"Never argue with idiots. They bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience." - Goldthwait H. Dorr |
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comet4
Joined: 26 Apr 2008
Posts: 6
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:29 pm Post subject: Re: Confused, to say the least. |
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Sorry I couldn't find your story but I would like to write my thoughts on this.
| IamFound wrote: |
Note: This post ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be. If you're going to start reading, please finish...
So, I've been hijab-free for about 4 months now. Those who know my story, know that one of my brothers and my father disowned me after I was caught out downtown without my hijab back in September.
Now, my brother and I are finally speaking again. My dad is in town (he spends most of the year working out of town), and although my relationship with him is strained, as always, it is clear that my mother has spoken to him, and he is slowly accepting my decision. |
I think what is happening to you is the accumulation over the 4 months. I don't believe it's your fault at all. You need to be accepted for who you are. You can't be what others expect you to be. Your life is in your hands.
It's good your father is slowly accepting you. Maybe it's the start of rebuilding your relationship with your family. It might be a slow process.
| IamFound wrote: |
So now, the point of my post:
I've been going through a hard time for the past couple of months, to say the least. I've found myself completely disinterested in my hobbies, ignoring my friends, being easily irritable, have screaming fests with my mother almost on a daily basis, hating my job, hating school, having the worst luck in every aspect of my life. The list could go on forever. |
I think that's human. Relax, listen to music, play sport...anything to take your mind somewhere else.
| IamFound wrote: |
Although my mother and I argue a lot, she has witnessed a lot of what I've been going through.
Usually, when I raise my voice to my mother, she screams back. This one time was different:
She picked me up from work, I had had the worst day imaginable, for many reasons. She knew something was bothering me, and she kept pushing for me to tell me, til I finally caved.
I was screaming out all my frustrations, about life in general [at this point, my father and brother still weren't talking to me] This time, she didn't scream back. Instead, she looked over at me, and calmly said: "Return to Allah. He will guide you through these hard times. I'm sure you've noticed that your life started getting difficult after you strayed from the religion. Just start praying, saying du'aa, and just put yourself in Allah's hands. I promise you, life will become so much easier" She kept speaking, but I tuned her out. It was the last thing I wanted to hear.
I didn't respond.
Did she truly find out that I had apostated? How could she possibly know? |
I know it's hard when you are surrounded by religious people and you are not one of them. I think you missed having the normal conversation you had with your family, is that right?
You should tell them even you have apostated, you are still the same person, their daughter. And if they love you they shouldn't judge you because of this. It's not like you are suddenly morally corrupted, more like the contrary.
| IamFound wrote: |
And something else that bothered me....
She was right. My life took a steep turn downhill immediately after I stopped believing.
Have you ever gone through anything similar? Ever considered leaving behind all the knowledge about the collection of lies that Islam truly is, and returning to Allah to have a sense of security in your life? |
I suppose everyone need something or someone to lean on. What about friends in real life? About going back to Islam, you'll have to make the concious choice yourself. Do you think it is worth living under the rules and sacrifice other prospects in life just to obtain the imaginary sense of security? Will you leave again later? Will you be comfortable at convincing yourself what you are about to believe in is right? Keep in mind, it takes a lot more than courage to leave a religion.
| IamFound wrote: |
| I almost feel guilty for feeling this way... I know Islam is wrong, according to the information I've acquired with the help of this forum, among other websites, books, and debates. But... my father has the whole Qur'an memorized, my brother is extremely religious, my whole family is on an unavoidable path of Islam, and I'm the only one who managed to stray away. They've read all the contradictions and the horrid contents of the Qur'an, yet they're religious. Why? Could the possibly be right? |
Maybe they have coveniently ignored or justified them in some way. You wouldn't believe there are people who could justify a horrendous crime.
PS If you have time I really want you to hear this song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWyeVfuolT4 |
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infidel_01
Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Posts: 1443
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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Your mother is 100% right, return to Allah, and He should guide you and give you peace if you are sincere.
You must make the best of the clear signs seen, your life is ruined the meoment you forgot Alah and it was heainding down quick, BTW, you are the only one who can help in saving yourself
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This is bullsh!t.
You were a new person when you left islam. It is quite natural to be frustrated and depressed when the whole worldview becomes upside down. Nothing exceptional is happening to you. Please Ali Sina's article in which he described very beautifully how it feels when one leaves the shakle of islam (or any other religion). He actually compared the apostasy with the birth of a child, which was protected in mother's womb and when being exposed to the world, the feel it has. I can't find it right now, but somebody can help finding that.
The biggest problem was that your father and brother were not talking to you, which was making you feel guilty. Since they have started to be normal with you, just wait for couple of months and you will be okay again.
You know the truth that islam is a hoax and hence, allah can't help you in any sense. But if you want to believe in a GOD, you don't need islam for that. You can pray to GOD (not allah) to make yourself feel better.
And try to get yourself occupied with something of your interest. With time, you will realise that you are much happy, and free from shakles of islam (and for that matter, any religion). Wish you a very happy life ahead.
_________________
It is NOT IMMORAL for muslims to have non-muslims as slaves and sex slaves; But it is definitely IMMORAL for non-Muslims to own Muslim slaves -- Allah Diya, MTD & NAV;
WHY? None could answer  |
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IamFound
Joined: 20 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
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| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
Your mother is 100% right, return to Allah, and He should guide you and give you peace if you are sincere.
You must make the best of the clear signs seen, your life is ruined the meoment you forgot Alah and it was heainding down quick, BTW, you are the only one who can help in saving yourself |
HAHAHA. This, coming from the guy who has presented the most laughable and mundane arguments ever read? No thanks.
| diotima64 wrote: |
| Nothing you say speaks of anything but your soul/psyche being in turmoil. To me it sounds that you are battling depression, probably caused by your life-changing decision. You are confused, scared and preoccupied. Quite natural, I would say. Changing one´s whole worldview is not an easy thing. |
Some others in my life (as well as on this forum) have said the same thing. I'm finally starting to accept the fact that just because I survived through some tough times, does not mean that I don't need help... I'll schedule an appointment with my doctor as soon as possible.
| comet4 wrote: |
| Sorry I couldn't find your story but I would like to write my thoughts on this. |
I still haven't posted my story in the Testimonies thread. I'll be doing that very soon...
| Quote: |
| I know it's hard when you are surrounded by religious people and you are not one of them. I think you missed having the normal conversation you had with your family, is that right? |
That's exactly it. They approach the problems in their lives so differently, because they immediately believe that it is all a test from Allah. They stay positive because they think that getting through it will gain them acceptance into "Paradise" in the afterlife. I used to believe the same thing, but now my mindset is completely different.
| Quote: |
| I suppose everyone need something or someone to lean on. What about friends in real life? About going back to Islam, you'll have to make the concious choice yourself. Do you think it is worth living under the rules and sacrifice other prospects in life just to obtain the imaginary sense of security? Will you leave again later? Will you be comfortable at convincing yourself what you are about to believe in is right? Keep in mind, it takes a lot more than courage to leave a religion. |
I've been distancing myself from my friends lately... Each has their own reasons... One of them has turned to drugs and I can't remember the last time I've spoken to her, where she's been sober. Another friend, when I talk to her on MSN or on the phone, she is distracted by other things. The other day, I was telling her about something that had ruined my whole day, and after 10 minutes of waiting for a response, all I get is "Haha, that's awesome, listen I gotta go, ttyl". This has happened on numerous occasions. I can go on forever about this. They're slowly straying away, one by one. I don't think I could ever return to Islam, but sometimes people make it seem like that's the only thing that can make things better. I don't know if I could ever really return, after all that I've found out because of FFI.
That's such a beautiful song... Thank you. 
| Infidel_01 wrote: |
| And try to get yourself occupied with something of your interest. With time, you will realise that you are much happy, and free from shakles of islam (and for that matter, any religion). Wish you a very happy life ahead. |
Thank you for the wishes. I'm working on finding new hobbies to distract myself from reality. I have a gym membership, I think I'll go back to doing that for a while.
Thank you all for your help, I truly do appreciate it. It makes this whole thing seem a lot less lonely. Thank you.
_________________
& the tear in her eye
Vaporized, by the suddenly brilliant sun;
finding its way through the gloom...
The world's vast beauty finally emerging
Breaking through the shadow of an
Illusionary higher being... |
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AhmedBahgat
Joined: 25 Jan 2006
Posts: 10001
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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| IamFound wrote: |
| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
Your mother is 100% right, return to Allah, and He should guide you and give you peace if you are sincere.
You must make the best of the clear signs seen, your life is ruined the meoment you forgot Alah and it was heainding down quick, BTW, you are the only one who can help in saving yourself |
HAHAHA. This, coming from the guy who has presented the most |
Well, fine, stay away from the God, your pit of the hell fire will be reserved for you, and on that day, myself and your parents will be laughing at you, It's Showtime
_________________
Click to read and watch my 10000 comment on FFI |
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Yassine
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 1144
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:54 pm Post subject: Re: Confused, to say the least. |
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| IamFound wrote: |
Note: This post ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be. If you're going to start reading, please finish...
So, I've been hijab-free for about 4 months now. Those who know my story, know that one of my brothers and my father disowned me after I was caught out downtown without my hijab back in September.
Now, my brother and I are finally speaking again. My dad is in town (he spends most of the year working out of town), and although my relationship with him is strained, as always, it is clear that my mother has spoken to him, and he is slowly accepting my decision.
So now, the point of my post:
I've been going through a hard time for the past couple of months, to say the least. I've found myself completely disinterested in my hobbies, ignoring my friends, being easily irritable, have screaming fests with my mother almost on a daily basis, hating my job, hating school, having the worst luck in every aspect of my life. The list could go on forever.
Although my mother and I argue a lot, she has witnessed a lot of what I've been going through.
Usually, when I raise my voice to my mother, she screams back. This one time was different:
She picked me up from work, I had had the worst day imaginable, for many reasons. She knew something was bothering me, and she kept pushing for me to tell me, til I finally caved.
I was screaming out all my frustrations, about life in general [at this point, my father and brother still weren't talking to me] This time, she didn't scream back. Instead, she looked over at me, and calmly said: "Return to Allah. He will guide you through these hard times. I'm sure you've noticed that your life started getting difficult after you strayed from the religion. Just start praying, saying du'aa, and just put yourself in Allah's hands. I promise you, life will become so much easier" She kept speaking, but I tuned her out. It was the last thing I wanted to hear.
I didn't respond.
Did she truly find out that I had apostated? How could she possibly know?
And something else that bothered me....
She was right. My life took a steep turn downhill immediately after I stopped believing.
Have you ever gone through anything similar? Ever considered leaving behind all the knowledge about the collection of lies that Islam truly is, and returning to Allah to have a sense of security in your life?
I almost feel guilty for feeling this way... I know Islam is wrong, according to the information I've acquired with the help of this forum, among other websites, books, and debates. But... my father has the whole Qur'an memorized, my brother is extremely religious, my whole family is on an unavoidable path of Islam, and I'm the only one who managed to stray away. They've read all the contradictions and the horrid contents of the Qur'an, yet they're religious. Why? Could the possibly be right?
I needed to get that off my chest, thanks to those who read. |
1 tip go back to Islam 
These people here have absolotuly no life and the only they are interested is ali sina cult leader.
The information on this site is mostly BS nothing else.
And a hijab is not need, a headscarf is more then enough. |
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Zeitoon
Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:02 am Post subject: |
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I remember dropping into FFI one day and seeing you tell your story a while ago. I made a post, then left. Now I'm back and there seems to be a new chapter to the story...
I am not going to tell you that your mother is right. Just remember, so long as you look at Islam as a lie, you will only see it as a lie. So long as you look at Islam as the truth, you will only see it as the truth. I guess that goes for both Muslims and non-Muslims.
For your depressed moods, it's quite simple really, just take a step back at least once a day and smile. For no reason other than because you can
_________________
"Always question those who are certain of what they're saying." |
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Mersk
Joined: 16 Jul 2004
Posts: 5764
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:13 am Post subject: |
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Good Lord! She gave up joining a triad and she's happy for it but the triad members threaten her with misery and now she's has to sort them out and sort out her life. It has nothing to do with religion per se although Islam does operate like a Mafia and it is the ummah she wants to break free from. It could have been a book club but club members don't threaten violent. Maybe not. The Quran book club has some pretty mean members.
_________________
MAM = Muslims acting as Muslim Affairs Ministers for Modk. HAM = Last Profit of Islam.
Last edited by Mersk on Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:53 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Ram
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
Posts: 1502
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:29 am Post subject: |
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| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
| IamFound wrote: |
| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
Your mother is 100% right, return to Allah, and He should guide you and give you peace if you are sincere.
You must make the best of the clear signs seen, your life is ruined the meoment you forgot Alah and it was heainding down quick, BTW, you are the only one who can help in saving yourself |
HAHAHA. This, coming from the guy who has presented the most |
Well, fine, stay away from the God, your pit of the hell fire will be reserved for you, and on that day, myself and your parents will be laughing at you, It's Showtime |
I heard that Islam is religion of love and tolerance. Where is the love in your post? And, what happened to, "there is no compulsion in religion"?
If there is no compulsion, IamFound will not burn in hell fire. She has nothing to worry. |
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Plexus
Joined: 20 Jan 2007
Posts: 125
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:41 am Post subject: |
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| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
Well, fine, stay away from the God, your pit of the hell fire will be reserved for you, and on that day, myself and your parents will be laughing at you, It's Showtime |
God! What God? You have no idea what God is. All you have is Mohammad, that lying, thieving, murderous 7th century thug who would in today’s standards in Australia, be locked up for ever, practically anywhere else he’d be executed. Your God is nothing but the invention of that psychopath and you emulate him. To see you gloat at the thought of people spending eternity in Mohammad’s hell tells me you are not of sound mind, even you thinking someone’s parents would be there with you laughing as their son/daughter were being tortured indicates truly warped thinking.
Go back to the sh!t hole you came from and don’t pollute Australia, leave you wife and children here with us, they’ll be safer.
It’s not Mohammad’s fault, he’s dead, atoms dispersed hopefully never to come together again but you, you brain dead nitwit, who choose to relinquish self determination and adopt a mad man’s idea of God who, through him, tells you how to think.
My only reason for posting this is to appeal to the your reason and humanity I see poking through the miasma of Mohammads psychotic personality that you wrap yourself in. |
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charleslemartel
Joined: 29 Nov 2007
Posts: 1071
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:08 am Post subject: |
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| Zeitoon wrote: |
For your depressed moods, it's quite simple really, just take a step back at least once a day and smile. For no reason other than because you can |
That is a very good advice, Zeitoon. I will try to remember this for myself too
_________________
Happy New Year to Everyone
Fear is the most powerful emotional tool, it can turn off the areas of the brain responsible for rational thought.
Is that why Muslims can't be rational? |
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IamFound
Joined: 20 Aug 2008
Posts: 69
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| Posted: Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:20 am Post subject: |
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| Zeitoon wrote: |
| For your depressed moods, it's quite simple really, just take a step back at least once a day and smile. For no reason other than because you can |
That sounds like something that could cheer anyone up... I'll try to remember from now on that life is only as bad as you perceive it.
I guess everything I've been going through is just making me stronger. If only I could remember that.
| AhmedBahgat wrote: |
| Well, fine, stay away from the God, your pit of the hell fire will be reserved for you, and on that day, myself and your parents will be laughing at you, It's Showtime |
Wow, you really are an idiot. Way to contradict what you've been preaching.
| Yassine wrote: |
1 tip go back to Islam
These people here have absolotuly no life and the only they are interested is ali sina cult leader.
The information on this site is mostly BS nothing else.
And a hijab is not need, a headscarf is more then enough. |
No thanks.
And for future reference -- don't present an argument unless you're ready to back it up.
WHY do "these people" have no life?
HOW is ali sina a cult leader?
HOW is all this info BS?
Your arguments have no foundation. Without this foundation, they are weak and WILL be broken down by intelligent arguments.
| Zeitoon wrote: |
| I remember dropping into FFI one day and seeing you tell your story a while ago. I made a post, then left. Now I'm back and there seems to be a new chapter to the story... |
Every single day is a new chapter.
_________________
& the tear in her eye
Vaporized, by the suddenly brilliant sun;
finding its way through the gloom...
The world's vast beauty finally emerging
Breaking through the shadow of an
Illusionary higher being... |
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