Jokes about Muhammad

[Ali Sina]

This thread is part of the campaign of ridiculing Muhammad and Islam. Please only use it to post your jokes.

Read this article please. All comments should be made in another thread.

Thanks!
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Don't be a follower, but a prophet unto your own.

[lightofasia]

A man walks into a sex shop in Jerusalem looking for a sex doll.

Clerk: So what kind do you want? Jewish, Christian or Muslim?

Man confused: What's the difference?

Clerk: The Muslim one blows itself up.


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HAYYA ALA KHAIRIL AMAL LA MUHAMMAD

[lightofasia]

Ayesha comes to Khadija Bibi,and confides with her "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Mohammed came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."

"BASTARD!" cried Khadija Bibi . "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it."


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HAYYA ALA KHAIRIL AMAL LA MUHAMMAD

[ross]

Muslims reasons to justify Mohammad's marriage to Aisha
1. Marrying 6 year olds was ok in those days.
2. Girls matured sooner in those days.
3. Girls mature sooner in dry climates.
4. To teach her true islam.
5. She was a reject (had marriage proposals turned down) so he done her a favour.
6. To establish a relationship with Abu Bakr.
7. She was Allah's gift to him via the angelic dream.
8. Married her when she was 6 but consummated when she was 14.
9. I don't see what the problem is.
10. You are a "#"£$"£!$##' I'll chop your head off.
11. Allah gave him this privilege, you are just envious.
12. Why do you only bash Mo even catholic priests perform such acts.

[brigitte]

A christian died and came at the porch of heaven. There he met Saint Peter who let him enter. Down the heavenly path, this christian wanted to meet god, the god he had lived for. So Saint-Peter brought him to the throne and god had the christian sitting down on a soft cloud in front of him. The christian stuttered and was unable to talk to god as he was in great admiration and fear before his creator. Then god said to the christian : "you've lost your speech because you came a long way to see me. Don't fear, rest and in the meantime I'll get you a drink because your mouth is dry". God stood up, clapped his hands and with a harsh voice he ordered in direction of a dark cloud : "Ya Mohamed, hurry up, bring us 2 coffee and a glass of water..."
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Love is more powerful than hate and truth is mightier than all the lies (Ali Sina)

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

[Nat]

Killing Jews
In kaffir country of South East Asia,the poor Muslims husband and wife are on their way back home from mosque. While walking, they talk about the things that imam had teach them.

Wife : The imam talked about "Jews". Who are Jews? Why must we kill them?
Husband : I don't know. But I heard the imam said "If one Muslim child is born. It's like killing one Jew"

Now they're at home lying in bed but still not sleeping.
Wife : Darling,it's our duty to Jihad. Kill the Jew! Kill the jew!
Husband : Allah Allah Aukbar! Take your clothes off
Husband&Wife : AAHH! OOOHHH AAHHH OOOHHH!


I'm sorry for the Jewish. But this is the joke from mullahs in my country.

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
First they came for the Americans and I did not speak out because I was not an American.
Then they came for the Danes and I did not speak out because I was not a Dane.
Then they(Shia and Sunni) attack each other and I don't need to speak out because "Islam is a peaceful religion".
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"Islam is a religion of terrorists hijacked by the peaceful secularists"
Let's read Quran 44:58, 4:89, Islam = insane

[Paris Bontrager]

19:27 Then she [Mary, the mother of Jesus] brought him to her own folk, carrying him. They said: O Mary! Thou hast come with an amazing thing.
19:28 O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a wicked man nor was thy mother a harlot.
19:29 Then she spoke to them, barely containing her anger: Sister of Aaron, huh? Are you people stupid or what? How many times do I have to tell you, I'm Mary, not Miriam! Miriam was the sister of Aaron, not me. Aaron and Miriam lived centuries ago, get it? I'm really, really tired of this. Yeesh!!

[Agaricus]

One I posted before, I'm afraid:

A man goes into a sex-shop and says to the man at the counter: "I'd like to buy an inflatable sex-doll please."

Shopkeeper says: "We have two varieties, the Deluxe vinyl type, and for a little extra, you could have the Muslim doll."

"A Muslim sex doll?" the man asks. "What's that?"

Shopkeeper replies "It blows itself up."
_________________
Extremism is the loser's revenge on society
I reserve the right to make public any PMs sent to me. Be warned!

[bob]

One of Mohammed's concubines wanted to visit her master at night time. She stealthily approached the room where she thought the Prophet of God was resting and knocked gingerly on the door.

"Master art thou there?"

She heard groans coming from the Prophet of God's chamber and then his voice spake out.

"Not at the moment honey. Nine's company. Ten's a crowd."
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"Ecrasez l'infâme!"

[CroMagnon]

AlHamdulillah! Another convert!
by Tinero Timanfaya

Today the unbelievable, the unconceivable has happended! Please let me share this with you all!

You must know I have a very clever and curious (and restless) dog. When a few days ago I was reading in an astronomical magazine about the star Sirius, I came to know that Sirius is also known as Canis Mayor, or The Dogstar. Knowing how curious my dog is, I naturally told him what I had just read. And indeed, he seemed to find it very interesting, more or less being represented by a star! And not just any star, no, according to the article, it's even the brightest star in the sky! He started to run around and joyfully howled out his approval.

He got even more exited when I read on and told him about the Dog Days: in the Northern Hemisphere, dog days are the hottest part of summer and extend from about July 3 to August 11. The term originated in the Mediterranean region, where from ancient times the weather during this period was regarded as unhealthy and uncomfortable. It was a time of year when dogs were thought to have spells of madness, and when Sirius, the dog star (Canis Mayor), rose simultaneously with the Sun and supposedly added to its heat.

Now this was something interesting that he really could relate with. Dogs in the sky and dogs in history. Wow! In his allready restless state he started wagging his tail like mad.

But the real climax came today when I got across sura 49 of chapter 53 - An-Nadjm - of the Qu'ran. I said 'hey doggy, check this out, wanna know what the Quran says about your favorite star? Listen to this:'

"That He is the Lord of Sirius (the Mighty Star)"

Before I realized what was happening I found him howling like an Arabian wolf:

"...wrrrraaarrff..ashhaduuoow an laaaaoooo ilaha illal lahuuuoo waooooh ashaduooooo an-naooo muhammadaooown ...wrrrraaaaaaarrfff .. .. abduhuuuuooo waooooh wrrrrrrrasuluhuuoooOOOOOOOWWW......" *

By Jove, seems he was trying to howl out the Shahadah**!

This must be a miracle!

I'm so happy he finally found rest and peace in his life! And guess what? Works out great for me as well as I won't be bothered anymore by dozens of angry neighbours complaining about their pregnant lady dogs. Seems he's only interested in four ladies at max now.

AlHamdulillah! Yeeehaooooooowww!

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* " Ash Hadu Anla Ilaha illal-Lahu Wa Ash Hadu Anna Muhammadan Abduhu Wa Rasuluhu ":
" I bear witness that there is no deity other than Allah and that Muhammad is his servant and Messenger "

** Shahadah: Declaration of Belief
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Thanks for visiting: The Crescent & the Star: Symbols of Pagan Worship

[syamal]

Allahbaba- Where are you going?

Mahmood- Going out.

Allahbaba- Hide yourself with a burkha(veil)

Mahmood- why?

Allahbaba- Muslims will kill you. They don't like to see your face.

[The Cat]

Constructing the Islamic ''Disneyland''
(Feel free to add pavillions or ''attractions'').
There is no entrance fee to get in but one must pay to get out (one/fifth of your pocket money?).
Therein would be the ''Apostate's pavillion'', where people could whip crying puppet reproductions of Ali Sina, Ibn Warraq, Salman Rushdie and so forth.

In the ''Kafir's pavillion'', Muslims would be entertained through Jihadic enactments in a deluge of tomato-bloodshed.

In the ''Looting pavillion'', a ''Miss Islam Contest'' where all the beauties are dress in burqa, while Muslims are able to rape ''right hand'' puppet kafir women.

Jinns, Aladin and Buraq roundabouts.
Raids and camels charges.
A Mystery House call: 1001 nights into terror.
Public Sharia justice: whipping, cutting hands and feet, lapidations.
What else? Let your imagination runs wild...
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Authority has the same etymological root as authenticity.

[CroMagnon]

the Anonymous Muslim Man Complaint Box
a Q&A site:
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3565
_________________
Thanks for visiting: The Crescent & the Star: Symbols of Pagan Worship

[syamal]

An old long bearded man(MO), a little kid fully veiled with a doll in
between arms of MO.
From a distance Jesus christ- what a beautiful baby. I am sure she is
your grand daughter.

MO- Nay, my beloved wife. Just married.
Jesus- Hamdadilla.

[Kafir_ja(i)ck ;)]

There is a mental hospital in a democratic country.
That is full of many mad people. There is only one Muslim Among them.
One day he went on strike asking for democracy in the mental hospital.
He demanded for freedom and democratically elected people to control hospital.
Doctors knew that nothing would help as explaining any thing to mad people will be complete waste of time and energy.
They agreed and gave permission for election in mental hospital.
For one seat there were two candidates. One was the hospital superintendent and other was the Muslim.
The Muslim candidate promises to all other patients that he would let them free. He told them that if he got elected he would declare all the patients are mentally fit and can go any where they wish, he also promised to slay any disbeliever doctor. He promised that all the female nurses of hospital would be their captives and every one would have freedom to use them.

Where as medical superintendent promised for better treatment and helpful staff. He refuses to let them go out unless they recover or become stable. He also refused to stop shock treatment for patients.

Anyway after voting when they started the counting amazingly the Muslim guy had got his only vote! All other had voted in flavor of hospital superintendent.

After all this when every body come to ward the Muslim asked them, “I promised so many good things for you still all of you voted medical superintendent! Why?”

“WE ARE MAD, NOT MUSLIMS” ALL OF THEM REPLIED IN ONE VOICE