I left Islam

[Diane]

Here is my testimony about how I left Islam.
I will try to be as brief and as clear as possible.

I was born to a Muslim family, in the Middle East. Arabic is my first language. Not until about two years ago I never doubted Islam as a true religion, and “Allah” is the almighty GOD, and Mohammed is the messenger of Allah to human kind. What else can I know, and I was born to a large family, uneducated parents, who blindly accept everything the “book” and the haddiths say.

As long as I can remember, I always had the tendency to think of God, I wanted to feel close to a supper power, intelligence, great mercy and love. And I thought that’s what Allah and Mohammed represent. So I tried my best to follow the teaching of Islam. Except of wearing the veil (I was hopping for Allah to forgive me for my sin), I did a lot of what is required from me as Muslim.

I used to pray, sometimes pray “extra” prayers to please Allah so He let me enter his Heaven. Like a robot I performed the same prayers again and again and again! Every day, at least five times a day.

I fasted in Ramadan, and sometimes I fasted extra days. I read the Quran like hundreds of times, and I memorized many parts of it. I read the haddiths (Mohammed sayings) and memorized many of them. And As I am doing all these good deeds! I always, noticed the violence, and the injustice in the teaching of Islam. But I thought maybe that’s because I do not understand the “peaceful”, “divine” massage yet. So I assumed that the problem is with me, and Mohammed and His Allah know much better then I. I thought I needed to work more on strengthening my faith. I asked Allah to clear my heart, and make me a better Muslim, and to allow me to go straight into paradise, and please, please not to toss me into the hell fire. I used to get horrified by the punishment described in the Quran for those who are the inhabitants of the hell. Sometimes, I cried when I read the Quran because I was too scared, much more then because the Quran is so beautiful and moves people to tears as many people claims. However, I thought the Quran is beautifully written, if rhymes like a poem!

Well, I kept on wanting to feel closer to Allah, till about 2 years ago. It was Ramadan, and I was fasting, and sitting in my room every night praying and reading the Quran. I felt the urge to feel God. So I prayed, and prayed, and asked Allah to clear my mind and Guide me, and show me the right path.

But the unexpected happed, after days and days of asking Allah his guidance continuously, every time I come to pray or read the Quran I felt sickened, irritated, annoyed. I felt sort of shaking sometimes and angry that I started cursing silently while I am supposed to be performing my prayers. I was troubled of what is happening to me. All what I asked for is to be a better follower, and all what I got is feeling so repelled by the prayers, and the Quran. So I decided to stop praying or reading Quran for a while. And I felt bad about it. I thought maybe, “Satan” is involved! And the “devils” are messing with my mind. But later, I calmed down and gradually came to my senses, and after few months of this incident, I realized that Islam is NOT for me. I am a smart, good person, and Islam is evil wearing fake clothes of a beautiful angel.

So I left Islam for good, and I don’t follow any other religion. All the religions I know have bad things; I believe they all distorted the Image of God. By making GOD seems like a crazy, blood thirsty, psychopath “Man”. I think that’s disgusting. I will never follow anyone, and only follow my heart, because it knows what is right for me.

Naturally, every human knows what is right and what is wrong without needing God to send few “Male human massagers” or “his kids” to earth to tell people what to do, and to point out the good and the evil. People already have the ability, a built in system, to recognize what is right and what is wrong, and they have the choice to choose between the two. For instance, I can easily tell the wrong and evil form the good in any thing even if it is claimed to be from above!

I now believe in the most loving, most forgiving, a supper power and intelligence that operate in every creature, planet, and universe in a peaceful way. It already gave us a beautiful heaven (this universe that we are in), and it will continue to do so by moving us to other heavens after we leave this one, and it also granted us the gift to know the good and the ability to do it, and a freedom to choose. This power doesn’t need creatures to praise it; it doesn’t burn a fire to Barbecue people. It is simply much greater than that...

Thank you

Blessings,

[Phedippedes]

Welcome and thank you for your beautiful story. Come by often and share your thought with us.

[brigitte]

Your testimony brought tears into my eyes, dear Diane, how true it is what you are telling us!
Welcome to the clear blue ocean of humanity.
Take care of yourself, don't expose yourself to problems as a result of your apostasy!
_________________
Love is more powerful than hate and truth is mightier than all the lies (Ali Sina)

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

[gupsfu]

Welcome to FFI, Diane, and congrats for leaving islam!
However, I find your process of realization a bit strange.
How come you suddenly felt sick about Islam? Can you elaborate?
_________________
‌

[doubtless]

Welome to FFI, Diane. Welcome to freedom. Welcome to a beautiful heaven, our universe, and our life in it. Hope to read more your posts.
_________________
Ali Sina: "The truth is out there for those who want to see it. It is beyond doubt."

Rg Veda: "He who surveys it in the highest heaven; He surely knows - or maybe He does not!"

[Dan-Cannon]

Welcome Diane.

Forget Islam and follow your heart, not some book with bloodshed.

Every muslim who leaves Islam is immediately better than Allah himself. They can feel the kind of love and mercy Islam has never known.
_________________
Islam is anti-infidel, therefor i am anti-Islam. - Dan Cannon.

I am the greatest minority in the world: an individual. - David Gulbraa.

[Diane]

Thank you all for replying and supporting me, it is nice to know that there are people out there who share the same ideas as you do.

Here is my reply to gupsfu question on how come I felt suddenly sick about Islam. I hope my writing is clear enough so you understand all what I mean.

In my testimony I only wrote briefly about the direct incident that made me leave Islam. But I guess my life, family, environment contributed in an indirect way. I try not to give personal information or talk about my life in clear way, so I remain anonymous. My situation is kind of unique, and I fear if I give more information I will be discovered. I haven’t told anyone yet.

I can see that the people who surround me don’t even think of the possibility that Islam could be left. So I decided to keep it a secret to myself.

I know it is strange; I was shocked back then because I thought that’s too weird. I even remembered the Haddith that says in meaning: “if you walk toward Allah, He will runs toward you”. But in my case, I was running toward Him, and He ran faster away from me. I really was puzzled. I was praying and asking God for Guidance, so I feel the sense of peace in my heart. But the Idea of leaving Islam never crossed my mind.

And while I am not a psychiatrist, I came up with an explanation to what happened. As you can see from my behavior, such as praying too much, and fasting, and asking god for guidance, I didn’t feel the sense peace and satisfaction. A hidden part of me was not pleased with the message of Islam. As I mentioned in my testimony, I always noticed the barbarism, violence, and injustice in the Quran and haddiths. But Instead of rejecting it, I was studying more about it thinking that Allah is the truth, and He will show me the “seerat al mustaqeem” the right path. I thought my lack of peace is not the fault of Islam; it is due to my misunderstanding of the divine message. So in other words I blamed myself.

Now, maybe you or some other people would think that’s naïve and unintelligent of me to know that the Quran has evil, and uncivilized massages that contradict with my personality and still reading more and following it to find peace. I can say that not only me did that, but billions of people, whether Muslims or non-Muslim, those who follow other religions, are doing the exact same thing I did. And many, many of them are highly educated and intelligent. I am above average in education. And I am no dumb at all.

The thing is, I was born into Islam, was fed Islam, and surrounded by it. And when people are in this situation, they will be hypnotized by the message. The information and Suggestions in the book they follow sink deep into their subconscious. Consequently, they will find extremely hard time to reject and overcome it.

As for me, I guess, because I really wanted to feel at peace, and I asked for Guidance so much, that the True God, universe, the infinite intelligence made me finally feel so irritated, angry and sick when I approached the Quran to tell me that it is not for me. It is not my path to peace. So I assume that my prayers are answered (after long time). But now I see the way to peace. It is not Islam, not Christianity, not Judaism, or other what so called “religions”. It is the love, the peace, and good that are dormant in our hearts, waiting to be awaken by us.


Hope i aswered you question,

best wishes for every body,

[gupsfu]

Hello again, Diane! Thanks for explaining that to me. No, I don't think you're naive at all. Since you're a decent person at heart, it was only a matter of time before your moral conscience would prevail. I'm so glad that it finally happened to you. I only wish more Muslims would follow your path.

By the way, it's a good thing that you realize the importance of safeguarding your identity on the Internet. One can never be too careful when speaking against Islam. Please take care!
_________________
‌

[ScienceRules]

[gupsfu]

[annata]

Hello Diane,

You are so beautiful, and truely the world is so beautiful if all humans get back to the very basic of humanity. Wish you the best in your future.
_________________
They come, they see, they terrorise.- This is Islam.

[Ampbreia]

Congratulations and Welcome Diane! Here is an avatar for you if you want to use it:


It's how I see you: brave and beautiful and smart.

[Kaisys]

[sum]

Hello Diane

I really enjoyed reading your post. You touched on a subject that has always intrigued me and that is the fear of ending up in "Hell fire" if you strayed from the right path.

I would be most grateful if you could let me know how this fear is instilled into people. Is it from the family when you are a young child? Is it from the mosque where this fear is instilled? Do all muslims have this great fear? Is it a genuine reason why muslims are frightened to question Islam?

I have noticed that muslims on this Forum will not give an inch as far as accepting any form of criticism of Islam goes. I can only conclude that it has to be fear that is stopping any criticism as no matter how much logic, reason and common sense is presented to muslims it makes not one iota of difference. They just refuse to accept criticism.

If you can give me the benefit of your knowledge on this matter I would be most appreciative.

I am truly glad that you have found your own peace.

sum

[ScienceRules]