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Muslim4Lyfe
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 131
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 Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:08 pm Post subject: I have A Problem! |
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I don't know where to post this so I will just post it here.
Anyway I have been with this Jewish for for 6 years since school now we are thinking of getting married, but her parents are Israeli Jews and they don't "approve" my family on the other hand are more open minded and don't mind me getting married to a Jewish girl as long as she learns about Islam.
But her father suspects her of dating a Muslim guy and basically keeps tabs on her and its so difficult for us to meet, if he finds out he will take her to Israel and get her married.
I don't see why two people that love each other have to get dragged into this beef? its stupid. We technically (Muslim, Christians and Jews) worship the same god why can't people look at what we have in common?
I don't know what to do and I need some advice! |
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Cthulhu
Joined: 17 Feb 2004
Posts: 69
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 6:58 pm Post subject: Re: I have A Problem! |
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Where is this happening?
If its in the West (Europe or North America) than her father can't (probably) force her to marry someone else or to move if she doesn't want to. In that case its simply a matter of be able to put up with her parent's disapproval.
This could be difficult and put strain on the family bonds but if she really loves you she might be willing to do it. Her family may come around if your a decent guy.
If its happening elsewhere...good luck. I've got nuthin'.
PS: I hope by "learning about Islam" your not talking about forcing her to convert just because YOUR family wants it. That would be as bad as anything her family is threatening. If she is happy being Jewish everybody should just learn to live with it. |
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Ariel
Joined: 09 May 2004
Posts: 5451
Location: The Netherlands.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't see why two people that love each other have to get dragged into this beef? its stupid. We technically (Muslim, Christians and Jews) worship the same god why can't people look at what we have in common? |
Hello Muslim4Lyfe.
This is wonderful what I read here..
You worship the same God as Christians? This is good news indeed.
That means you believe in a Holy Trinity ( Father, Son and Holy Ghost,) and thus you admit Jezus in God's Son....?????????
I knew it . One for one, Muslims are being enlightend...
I am sure if you tell the parents of your girlfriend you worship the God of the Christians they shall aprove of your marriage..
Good luck and congratulations....
Ariel.
_________________
Tabari IX:69
“Killing disbelievers is a small matter to us.” |
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Ampbreia
Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 1351
Location: U.S.A.
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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| This could be difficult and put strain on the family bonds but if she really loves you she might be willing to do it. Her family may come around if your a decent guy. |
This is putting it mildly. In-Laws can make a couple's life HELL and cause fights between them if they don't approve of their child's spouse. You'll need to nip that in the bud if you hope for your marriage to survive it. Been there, done that. You and your spouse should agree between you to remain civil to one another's parents no matter what but DON'T BUDGE AN INCH when they try telling either one of you what to do with your adult lives, what to believe, or how to raise your children. If you let them nudge, they will SHOVE constantly and whoever they are in-law to will resent them (& incidentally his/her spouse) enormously for it. If they get too pesky, you can always move far away but keep in communication so that the way is open for reconsolation as long as they keep their noses out of your marital relations. This is expected in Western culture. I suppose it's trickier in Eastern cultures, but nonetheless important if you want or need to side step old traditions... and get away with it.
One thing neither of you should do is pressure the other into accepting the other's religion. A person needs to make up their own mind about that without doing it just to please someone they love (or their parents) or appease someone they fear. It's not genuine otherwise. Besides, even if you coax her into accepting Islam by saying nice things about it, hijab and all of the other restrictions on women in Islam are barely tolerable for women that haven't been brought up to accept it (for me it was COMPLETELY intolerable)she will eventually hate you for it, regardless of how you got her to do it. And no one should have to give up the holidays they were brought up with. You should share them with one another, just for the warmth and fun of it and so neither feels deprived of something that's always been important to them. The joy of this is that you get twice the holidays you would normally have. The other consideration here is that if you succeed in changing someone, they soon become other than the person you fell in love with.
I wish you the best because it sounds like you really love her and are not just using her for dawa points as so many would in your circumstances.
_________________
"Nothing is obtained simply by wanting. And nothing is achieved by relinquishing responsibility to a higher authority." - Enki |
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BornAgain
Joined: 17 Feb 2004
Posts: 135
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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I was dating a muslim girl for awhile, we had marriage-like notions as well, but in restrospect their were born mostly out of naivety and imaturity.
As much as 'lets all just get along' is the popular notion these days I'm going to go the opposite and suggest that by the sounds of what you describe, it can't possibly work out to be a satisfactory situation for everyeone. People in love, and especially young people in love, are very willing to sacrifice a lot for love and passion. It's when you get a little older that you'll see the real meaning of that union. When she's a litte older and not so attractive and exhuberant, when careers put real-life pressure on your lives, when you both get sick of the akward family situations you find yourselves in, when you both realize you actually care more about your religions than you thought you did, when you're shocked to find she's not willing to simply convert to islam and raise muslim children for your sake, when all the things about her that make you happy now become less important - at this point you might look back and wish you had made different decisions. It's not a fun message to hear or give, but its wisdom from those who've gone through it - and you might want to take it into consideration. If you can overcome all that then all the power to you - but expect a lifelong battle. |
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TheOtherWhiteMeat
Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 1741
Location: Dar Al-Harb
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 5:02 am Post subject: |
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Elope, never speak to your parents again and never discuss religion with your spouse.
_________________
A voice from heaven should be ignored if it is not on the side of justice. ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
It wasn't you who killed them, it was Allah. ~ 8:17 |
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TheOtherWhiteMeat
Joined: 23 Sep 2004
Posts: 1741
Location: Dar Al-Harb
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 7:11 am Post subject: |
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Convert to Scientology. That'd freak 'em out.
_________________
A voice from heaven should be ignored if it is not on the side of justice. ~ Isaac Bashevis Singer
It wasn't you who killed them, it was Allah. ~ 8:17 |
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Muslim4Lyfe
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 131
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:43 am Post subject: |
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| ariel wrote: |
| Quote: |
| I don't see why two people that love each other have to get dragged into this beef? its stupid. We technically (Muslim, Christians and Jews) worship the same god why can't people look at what we have in common? |
Hello Muslim4Lyfe.
This is wonderful what I read here..
You worship the same God as Christians? This is good news indeed.
That means you believe in a Holy Trinity ( Father, Son and Holy Ghost,) and thus you admit Jezus in God's Son....?????????
I knew it . One for one, Muslims are being enlightend...
I am sure if you tell the parents of your girlfriend you worship the God of the Christians they shall aprove of your marriage..
Good luck and congratulations....
Ariel. |
Tell me this. Whats the difference between a Christian god? Isn't god everyones god?
By the way I did say "technically" tell me this how can "your god" be 3 things? if you claim to belive in one God? |
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Muslim4Lyfe
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 131
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:47 am Post subject: |
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| We have made a decision basically if our family's don't agree we are getting married regardless, and when we do have kids they can make their own choice of being a Muslim or a Jew! or any-other religion for that matter. |
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gupsfu
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
Posts: 7919
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:53 am Post subject: |
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| Muslim4Lyfe wrote: |
| We have made a decision basically if our family's don't agree we are getting married regardless, and when we do have kids they can make their own choice of being a Muslim or a Jew! or any-other religion for that matter. |
I'd like to advise you not to have kids.
Conflicting messages from parents during childhood are a common cause of schizophrenia.
__________ |
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Muslim4Lyfe
Joined: 15 Nov 2004
Posts: 131
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:13 am Post subject: |
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| gupsfu wrote: |
| Muslim4Lyfe wrote: |
| We have made a decision basically if our family's don't agree we are getting married regardless, and when we do have kids they can make their own choice of being a Muslim or a Jew! or any-other religion for that matter. |
I'd like to advise you not to have kids.
Conflicting messages from parents during childhood are a common cause of schizophrenia.
__________ |
We are not actually going to enforce any religion on them, we are basically going to give them books to read and they can make their own decisions. And I for sure know they will choose Islam. |
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brigitte
Joined: 13 Feb 2004
Posts: 891
Location: Darul Intisar
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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| And I for sure know they will choose Islam. |
What makes you so sure about that dear friend?
Could it be that you won't leave them any choice at all, just as islam demands and quran commands?
You are either very, very young and not knowing what you're up to or very, very hypocrite and islamic and trying to trick your girlfriend into the good old islam-trap (islam means freedom, but you have no choice).
Please, leave that girl alone or, if you really love her and want to make your life with her, please get rid of islam... That are the options to avoid pain and misery on both sides.
Wish you and her all the best,
Brigitte
_________________
Love is more powerful than hate and truth is mightier than all the lies (Ali Sina)
Si vis pacem, para bellum. |
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maha_swami
Joined: 23 Oct 2004
Posts: 2770
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:57 pm Post subject: Re: I have A Problem! |
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| Muslim4Lyfe wrote: |
| Here goes another CONCOCTED bed time story |
hey moslem buddy!! don't get your head busted in real life drama. In India, a love story of your kind can create a situation like "GUJRAT"
| Quote: |
| We technically (Muslim, Christians and Jews) worship the same god |
except your "allah" is a terror master
_________________
kill kill kill kill (keeeel da infeeedels)
the 1st verse of koran |
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peace4U
Joined: 21 Apr 2004
Posts: 126
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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Hi there!
If you even do not know the differences between Allah and the jewish God then you should at least think twice if you marry her.
Aswell you said that your children will be allowed to choose their faith all alone but you are sure that they will choose islam. So you already made the decicision for them!?!?!
Will you tell them to pray 5 times a day when they reach 7 years?
Will you urge them to attend Friday prayer at the mosque?
Will you tell them to fast during ramadan?
Will you tell your little girl to wear hijab?
....
There are so many things which are incompatible between islam and judaism. How will you deal with it?
Don´t you think that your children will be confused?
Imagine that you had been brought up with a praying father and a mother who is super model?
If you both are religious people then your marriage most probably will not work. If you two do not give a damn on your faith then maybe you will find a way to get along. But it will always be hard especially when children are involved.
Good luck!
_________________
Stop the violence committed by islam! |
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ibn_rushd2
Joined: 14 Feb 2004
Posts: 2454
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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If you teach them about religion, they may hate you. Most people if left alone will not convert to any religion. It's only with help that they do.
Try reading Ibn Tufayl's "Hayy ibn Yaqzan" Living son of the Awake, for a story. |
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