Leaving Islam



Jamal D. 


Jamal D. who sent me a testimonial claiming to have left Islam after reading the articles in this site, wrote and asked me to remove his testimonial because he decided to embrace Islam again. I did remove his testimonial and I asked him for explanation. The following is what he wrote and here is my response to him.



  Thank you very much for removing my testimonial.  

  Once I stopped believing, I returned to my state of confusion and emptiness.  I started to ask myself the questions again, "Why are we here on earth?" and "What is the purpose of birth when death is inevitable?".  I would like you to try your best to answer these questions for me.  Also, the whole-hearted good-nature of Muslims I know is unmatched by anyone else I have ever met.  These people surely cannot be following a religion of hate, as you describe it.  And these are only a few of many other reasons that my heart knows Islam is the truth from Allah and He chose Mohammed as his last Rasool.  



Dear Jamal  

I hear what you say. It is not easy to give up faith so easily. When you wrote that you passed through the stages of shock/denial/guilt/bewilderment/anger and came to enlightenment in one night I knew this is not possible. This passage took me over one year. You might be smarter than me but one day is a little bit pushing it. 

Confusion or bewilderment is a long phase of this recovery. One feels completely empty. I felt as if the floor beneath my feet was opened and I was falling with nothing to hold on to. The world seemed meaningless. The life itself seemed pointless. I tried hard to go back. This state was unbearable. If I tell you I was living in hell I am not exaggerating. The fear that Islam has put in my sub conscience was so intense that I was terrified of the thought of after life and the Hell fire. I was torn apart between my rational thoughts and my inner sub conscience fears. On one hand I could not accept the stories of the Quran. That book seemed so out of touch with reality. There was no doubt that it was false. Not one or two sentences but all of it was wrong. I knew that I cannot accept the part that I could compare with science because it was against it and I also could not accept the part that could not be disproved scientifically because it was utterly illogical. 

You asked me about the purpose of life. This very question was what bothered me most. I could not accept that our lives have no purpose. I could not accept that we come and go for nothing. But I could not accept also the reasons Islam gives to the purpose of creation. According to Islam this universe is created so people worship God. I thought this God must be really a sick narcissist god. Why in the world he is so desperate to be worshiped? When I asked this question from the learned Muslims they said that it is not God who needs to be worshiped but it is us who need to worship him. But this does not explain why God tortures people who fail to worship him for eternity in a hell made of fire. This is sadistic. How can the maker of this vast universe be so petty and so unforgiving to burn people eternally for failing to believe in him and worship him? How could he chastise people indefinitely for a finite sin? I knew this is stupid. But why Muhammad said so? Because he benefited immensely through the fear that he could generate in the heart of his gullible followers. He pretended to be the only intermediary between man and God and the more he could make people fear this god the more he could control them. This was a perfect lie to dominate the minds and the hearts of the foolhardy. And power is what a narcissist is after. Look at Hitler, Stalin or Saddam Hussein. 

So after months of inner battles I thought that I do not know the purpose of creation and why I am here. But at least I know that what Muhammad said was a lie and I do not have to accept a lie just because there is no other explanation. 

When I rejected Islam and the bogus claims of Muhammad, I did not reject the notion of God although I denounce Muhammad’s Allah. I still do not reject God and I still do not call myself an atheist. However my understanding of God is diametrically different from that thought by Muhammad and other Abrahamic religions. My God is not a being. It is a Reality. It is the Principle underlying the creation. My God does not need to be recognized and worshiped. My God does not punish people. My God does not send messengers to “warn” people. It does not have a hell of fire or a throne of Glory. My God is HOW: how I live, how I breath, how my heart beats and how this universe works. I experience my God not in a mosque, a church or a temple but in my loving relationships with others. I feel God when I sit behind this keyboard and write my messages of love to my fellow human beings. I feel the power of my God by becoming an instrument of peace among mankind. 

What Muhammad preached is sickening. Yes he was a messenger of hate. How many people he killed because they did not want to submit to him and his imaginary god? How many people he enslaved and sold for profit? How many women he himself raped after killing their relatives and loved ones? How many people he assassinated because they criticized him or composed poetries ridiculing him? No my friend Muhammad cannot be the messenger of God. He was the prophet of his own insatiable ego, a sick man in the search of power. His religion was nothing but a vehicle to procure him his narcissistic supplies. 

I may not have found the answer to all the Questions of the existence but I know that what Muhammad said is nothing but blatant lies. I do not have to cling to a lie just because I have not found the truth. By abandoning a lie I am one step closer to the truth. 

You say that Islam must be from God because Muslims are “whole-hearted and good natured”. My friend, that is not what Islam is about. That is how the Middle Eastern people are. People all over the Middle East are warm, friendly and hospitable. If you read the Arab poetries prior to Islam you’ll see that these qualities were dominant among the Arabs much before Islam. The Iranians, especially the nomads are known for their hospitality and friendliness. Another good quality of our people is that we keep our words. We are people of honor. These are our ethnic characteristics. They have nothing to do with Islam. You can find these qualities even among the Christians, Jews, Baha’is and the Zoroastrians living in the Middle East.  Please understand that our people existed much before Islam and we all had civilizations and cultures rich with humanistic values. Unfortunately today we attribute everything to Islam. Even Arab names are called Islamic names. Didn’t Arabs have the same names prior to Islam? Our scientists are called “Islamic scientists” Why Islamic? Is there any science in Quran? Does Quran teach Algebra, Chemistry, or Astronomy? Quran is replete with nonsense. Muhammad made a mistake even in a simple sharing of inheritance. This guy did not know how to add up simple numbers. Why we claim our civilization, our architecture, our science, or our literature to be Islamic?  Islam is what is in Quran and what is in the Hadith. Read these books to see what a piece of garbage is this so called religion! 

Yes Islam is a religion of hate. But fortunately Muslims do not follow Islam to its full extent. That is why you see them kind hearted, friendly and good-natured. Those Muslims who follow the Quran to the letter become the Taliban, the terrorists, the human bombers. Those who slaughtered Daniel Pearl were Muslims because they did what Quran taught them.   The real Islam was practiced by Khmeini and by Osama Bin Laden. To be a true Muslim one should kill those who do not believe in this religion of hate remorselessly. This is what Quran expects from us. Read these verses of Quran and see for yourself. How can any person remain human and follow these teachings?

It is never easy to leave one's religion. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness is overwhelming. I went through that and I know that feeling. That is why I created this forum. Here ex-Muslims can exchange ideas and support each other morally, answer each other's questions and help each other to pass through this difficult stage. I invite the Muslims contemplating to leave Islam or those who just have questions to join and share their thoughts with others.     

 Kind regards


Ali Sina 






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