S S Talks to the FFI Staff - Part 2

Printer-friendly versionSend to friendPDF versionReply to SS:
Dear S ,

Your english was really good enough to write in english and even though you say it has been some time you took english, I will bet it has not been as long as it has been when I took Urdu. With the help of a dictionary and patience, I have gone through your letter and I reply. If I have not replied to some points you have raise, I hope you will understand. It might be because I have not been able to understand.
I reply in english because I cannot write Urdu as well as you can and I am afraid that I will end up expressing incorrectly. I understand and I can feel the lonliness that you write from. I have spent the time to go through with the help of a dictionary because the purpose of FFI is to reach to people in countries like pakistan. You are a light of hope for FFI and hence your letter needs a full answer.

Ali had replied to you and then to your second letter I replied because I am trying to help AliSina out. You have not travelled outside your country as you say you never felt the need for a passport. The culture and the way people interact and their actions can mean very different things at different places. You wanted a letter forwarded to Craig Winn and you attached that letter. Although you had said that Ali should read that letter, but then at the end when you addressed Ali you did not raise any issues about the letter itself but stated that you wanted it forwarded becuase you have not received any reply from Craig. Sarmad, it was a very long letter, and since you did not ask anything in particular about that letter, I am sure that Ali did not read the letter. I know I would not have. That letter was not for us, and it is considered poor ethics to read some one else's letter. I know you asked the letter be read but since you never said why and never asked any question about it, and given the time constraints we all have, your letter to craig did not get read by us. Second, not having read the letter, it is difficult to state what is it that you are feeling and what it is that you really wanted. Ali said truthfully that the email you used for Craig is the email address he had and he addressed the issue you raised in the part of the letter to Ali directly. We do not know Craig personally and do not have any say how he runs his site and how he answers his mail. I try my best to answer all the mail FFI gets to the best of my abilities. It does take an effort. We have no clue what Craig has and how he handles the mail. So Ali was guessing that if he did not reply then it was because he was buried under some work. I hope you can understand that. Ali usually does not even reply after I have done so. He only reaches out to 'muslims', and he was trying to be polite and friendly towards you.

Please understand that we are not "big" shots. Ali Sina is not a rich man, he is not even a well known man. He is a web master of site that poses a risk to his life. We do not even use our names. But we do have the luxury of being able to access the internet when we want and are not as constrained as you are for privacy. I fully understand the closeness of family and the lack of privacy as a sign of familial love that you describe and that must limit your ability to access FFI. Given that it is amazing that you managed to get through Craig's book or have gone through FFI articles. Please be careful and be safe. What I am trying to get through to you is that we are all volunteers and we have to put in our own time. And you accurately describe that we spend a few hours earning to put food on the table and the rest is taken in front of the computer screen typing away, fighting the good fight.

Please do not read too much into our words. We are far more straight forward and forth right. I have to communicate with people with all different backgrounds and different cultures. So miscommunication is always a possiblity. The safest way around it is to be straight, honest, and direct. So read Ali's and my letter in that spirit. There is no hidden meaning.



Ali,
I know the worth of every second, you would lend me while reading this too lengthy e-mail. [What should be the return? Waiting for the answer I'm.] And I'm writing this message in Roman Urdu. It is pretty difficult to conceive…but not for the Doubtless Member, I suppose…… So,

Ali,
Is main kya shubah( Doubt) he kay aap ka asloob Qaatil he. SAHAL-E-MUMTANAE (A Style that looks easy, but hard to copy) ki aik nadir misaal!…Jaesay koi daurrta hua p*haarr (Mountain) pay charrhay..
Kya andaz he! Mukhtasar fiqra;Mukammal pegham…Fiqroon se fiqray uoon jurrtay haen jaesay ba*juz (Except) kisi jhol ke karrioon se karrian milti haen. Jaesay qadam qadam pay suragh miltay haen. Jaesay baat waazih (Clear) se waazih tur hoti he. Jaesay Iblagh apni intihaoon pay pohanch kar dimaghoon ko badal deta he…… To, keh doon to kya harj he Ali,kay…Aap wo kamaal kar rahay haen jo is Zameen par kum hi log kar paatay haen. Ya'ni, apnay pooray Ehad (Eon) se larr jana; is maharat se larr jana…Aesi misaalaen to Tareekh main bhi kum hi milti haen. Go Tareekh (History) main Computer bhi nahein milta…Lekin aesay dimagh bhi kum hi miltay haen jo itnay Tarkeebi aur aesay Tehleeli hon. Jo aesay rasaa aur aesi mutanaway sifaat ke maalik hon kay mushabahatoon ki shnaakht ba-aasani kar sakain; lekin jo aesay ustuwaar, aur us (That) diqat-e-nazar ke haamil hon kay nazuk se nazuk farq ko bhi daekh sakain. Aur yeh barri baat he. To yeh barray (Big) dimagh haen. Aur aesa hi ik dimagh aap ke paas he. Aur khooshi ki baat to yeh he kay aap us ko khoob barat (to use) bhi rahay haen... Saada lafzoon main, aap Kamaal kar rahay haen…... Magar Sahib, kya aap ko meri tauheen karnay ka huq bhi he?…Yeh bhi tasleem kay ILM-O-TEHQEEQ ki jo shma' aap nay jalaai he, wo senkrroon nahein, hazaaroon nahein, Laakhoon dimaghoon ko munawar kar rahi he.


I do not understand the cultural context very well, but you are being way too kind in praise for Ali. As you yourself know that the urge to tell the truth is not something that is easily avoided and dismissed. So Ali is doing what he has to do. If he is good at it then it is all of our good luck. I hope you are correct that his writings are touching "laahks" of minds.

Magar sawaal to yeh he, Kya buland maqaam par kharray fard ko yeh istihqaaq bhi milna chahiye kay wo pastoon (Lower Ones) ki mitti chahay to paleed hi kar de? Kya barray aadmi ko yeh huq bhi hona chahiye kay wo chotoon ke ihsasaat ko raund kar hi rakh de?……..To phir aap nay kyoon likha…..........?
" I've the same e-mail address that you have for Mr. Winn…"


As I explained to you above, because that is the simple truth. There was no other reason. It is very difficult to read long letters. I am responding to this one because you have taken the trouble to write in Urdu and that must have taken some effort and I repect that effort.

Nahein Sahib, aap nay barri ujlat se kaam lia. Aap nay faqat aik hi part kholi, aur aesay khafa hooye kay khula tunz hi kar bethay…Keh doon to kya harj he kay agar aap nay pegham ko ALI SINA ki nazroon se parrha hota to tamaam partain apnay aap khul khul jaatein. Aur saaf nazar aata kay, koi he jis ka undar (Inner Self) poori wehshat se Almadad, Almadad pukaar raha he.


As I have tried explaining above that it not unethical to read some one else's mail and we just did not read your mail to Craig. I did not, and I am sure Ali did not either.

Lekin jis ke hontoon par mud'a khul kar aa nahein raha…Jaesay pardes main kisi ki jaib kut jaaye aur wo kisi ajnabi se qarz maangay… To yeh aasan kahan hota he! Yeh lumha ba-zahir ma'mooli hota he. Magar nafsiaat par is ka asar gher ma'mooli hota he. Uoon to yeh lumha taala bhi ja sakta he. Kuch bhi kia ja sakta he. Lekin…agar hum platform par kharray hon; gaari chootnay waali ho; mehbooba beemar ho; jaib khaali ho; jaana lazim ho, to aesay me hum khawaas bakhtaa ho jaatay haen. Aur fauri nazar aanay waalay kisi bhi sharif aadmi se madad ke khaastgaar hotay haen. To Ali, maen jis platform par kharra hoon, agar aap, us ki jaga Dunia; gaari ki jaga Waqt; aur mehbooba ki jaga Insaani Rooh, aur is Rooh main mujhe aur meri musaratoon ko rakh dain to manzar aik dumm Waazih ho jaata he. Lekin aap to bus bay-zaar ho ga*ye…aur zehar-e-haqarat main bujha kar tunz ka wo teer chorra kay bus huzz aa gya.

I understand that now. But it was not clear with your first letter because we are not very cultrally savvy people. Do you understand that? Yes you must be busy and yes writing does take time.





Likhtay haen:
" I'm sure he must receive a lot of e-mails and answering to all of them, especially one which is long like yours, is not physically possible."
Bhai! Kahan ka ghusa kahan utaar dia? Poori qaum ka aik fard par!!!


Sxxxxxx please try to understand that it was not written out of anger or irritation. It was simple statement of fact. Your letter was and is by far the longest we have ever received. And to understand all the issues you raise and to answer each and every one of them require a good deal of time. I wish I had that time. I am trying to make some right now, but please do understand that it is demanding.

Aap kay is fiqray nay meray dil par do (Two) daagh laga*ye..Pehlay doosra dikhata hoon.
Sahib! Kya tees (Thirty) baras (Years) ki dastan ko teen (Three) saf*haat main byaan karnay ko aap tawalat (Length) kahein gay?





Yes I understand that thirty years does take a lot to express and three pages is not enough. My friend, you can write again and again and I will reply. So over time it will add up to more than three pages. But make it easier for me and keep the letters to one topic at a time, and understand that I am a poor man trying to do this in the little time I have.


Aur rudaad agar bay-hud uljhi ho, kay Dunia uljhanoo ki jaa he…Yahan jitnay afraad haen utnay hi a'saabi amraaz haen…to aap ka faisla kya ho ga? Ya phir aap mujhe yeh samjhana chah rahay haen kay.. " Mian, aesi bay-takalufi kay pehli mulaqat main kaleja hi nikal kay rakh diya, yeh az-hud hamaqat ya bay-hud chalaaki kay zumrah main aati he. To ya to tum parlay darjay kay ahmaq ho,ya bay-hud chalaak! Donoo soortoon main tunz tum par wajib he." ...Jahan tuk meray chalaak honay ka ta'luq he to apnay tamaam fitri khaloos se qat'-e-nazar bhi maen itna ahmaq nahein kay yeh bhi na samajh paaoon kay Waqt nay agar barray barroon ki chalaakian Sar-E-Aam chaak kar di haen to mujh aesoon ki haesiat kya he! Ab (Now) maen janta hon kay hum aik na*ye (New) daur main dakhil ho chukay haen, aur bahut door nahein kay TEHQEEQ-O-TAKNEEK ki wo aandhian uthain gi kay kisi chehray par koi niqaab baqi na rahay gi, khaa (Whether) wo kitni hi azeem zihanat aur kaesi hi la-zwal maharat se kyoon na booni ho. To kya maen ab bhi nahein jaanta kay yeh sadi (Century) niqaaboon ke utarnay ki sadi he. Aur Agli Bhi. Aur aakhir-kaar wo sadi aa*ay gi kay is Zameen par niqaaboon ki koi zaroorat na rahay gi. Aur yehi wo sadi ho gi jub Insaan aik bilkul na*ye daur main dakhil ho ga. Us Daur ko mera SALAAM! Aur Salaam un Aankhoon ko, Tamaam Aankhoon ko! Jo barah-e-raast Rooh main jhaankti haen... Aur mujhe aesi hi aankhoon se kaam parr gyaa tha. To maen itna bay-waqoof nahein kay aesa chalaak hi hota...Haan, yeh zaroor hooa kay meray dil nay kuch tawaquat baandhein…Yeh tawaquat kis hud (Limit) tuk ghalut theen; maen kin hudoon tuk ahmaq tha, mumkin he is ka aakhri faisla faqat muarikh karay...


Sxxxxxx, I understand that what you wrote took a lot of nerve and you poured your heart out. Again it is unethical to really read a letter written to someone else. I do understand how you must have felt that you poured your heart out and you received a "distant" letter. But see that the response you got was to the part that you wrote to Ali and not to Craig. Do you see the difference? Look at your letter that you wrote. Imagine that Craigs letter is in a sealed envelope. And the note to ali accompanies that envelope. The response you got was for the note accompanying that sealed envelope and not what was in the envelope. We treated the letter to another as if it was for the other and no one opened that envelope to read it. Do you understand?


Ali, mujhe tawaque thi kay Craig meray dard ko ae*yenn (Right) apni chaati main mehssos karain gay; mujh se rabta karain gay. Aur kisi kaarun wo majboor bhi hooye to ghum nahein, koi acha mashwarah to dain gay hi; koi rah to sujha*ain gay…Shadeed confusion kay a'lam main bhi chund nikaat par to maen barra waazih tha, jin me se aik yeh tha…..Jee karra kar kay aur apni anaa ko apni umeedoon talay raundtay hooay jub maen nay madad kay li*ye saaf duhaai di thi, to us waqt bhi yehi likha tha:
" Get me out of here. Show me some way. Show me some way out."


I understand how you must have felt and what you must have expected. Why Craig did not write or respond is something I do not know. I do not know craig at all. I am not sure what could he have replied. I am not sure what I can reply. I sit across and on the other side of the world. But I can hear your cry and I want to extend my hand out to you and help. And I will try my best.

Ali, maen nay Craig ki site zara tafseel se visit ki to unhain aik aesa aadmi paa*ya jis nay dunia ko khoob barat rakha ho; jo dalair ho; zaheen ho, aur jo apnay us jazba ko hawa deta ho jo jazba Insaan ki kul Pehchan aur AZMAT he; Ya'ni, auroon ko saath lay kar aagay barrhnay ka jazba! To maen nay ik ajab itemad kay saath un ko pukara. Lekin, mujhay yeh bhi andesha tha kay mumkin he us bhalay aadmi ki State ki maujoodah soorat-e-haal kuch aesi bhali na ho, aur wo aik bahut fa'al shehri honay ke bawajood kisi aesay sha*hs (Person) ke li*ye kuch na kar pa*ain jis ke passport par 'Muslim' likha ho. To phir maen ne mashwarah chaha kay in halaat main jub kay Muslims kay li*ye dunia kay darwazay tezi se bund ho rahay haen, aur jub kay maen yeh thaan chuka hoon kay mujhe in main se kisi aik darwazay main se guzarna he,… mujhe kyaa karna chahiye?


Sxxxxxx, people will not care whether there is "muslim" written on your passport. People will deal with you as a human and they will deal with you on your abilitie and capabilites. You are unnecessarily worried about what identification your government puts on your passport. Most of the countries in the world do not put what he religion of the passport holder is on the passport. So do not be worried about that.

Bay-Shuk! Mujhe tawaque thi kay Craig Winn, jo kay khasay mutaharik dil-o-dimagh kay maalik haen, (kum az kum) mujhe kisi mufeed mashwarah se zaroor nawazain gay. Ali, ab maen zaheen aadmioon se mashwarah karnay ka bahut qaa*il hoon. Is se qooat-e-faisla ko behtar faisla karnay main aasani rehti he... Insaan ghaaroon (Caves) se naikal kar agar khalaaoon main ja ghoosa he, to is main aik barra a'mal dakhal is kay ba-hum mashwaroon ka bhi he. To maen nay aik zaheen aadmi se madad chahi, khaa wo mashwarah ki soorat main hi kyoon na ho. To maen nay kya bura kia? Maen nay aesa kyoon kia...?


It is perfectly natural to ask for anothers opinion and advice. Again I am not sure why Craig chose not to reply. As I said I do not know his operation and I am not sure if even got to see your email or whether it got shuttled and handled by someone who works for craig.

Ali, maen fitratunn aik juzbaati aadmi hoon.

Sxxxxxx, passion and emotions are one thing. But patience and intellect should also be employed and used.

Achanak maen jitna kuch aur jis mohkam andaz main jaan gya tha, aur jaesa iztiraab meray undar phael gya tha, maen khaufzada ho gya tha. Mujhe apni zaban par kuch bharosa nahein tha… [Dost! Agar aap computer se na-balud hotay, aur FFI jaesa ghazub ka Safety Valve na bana paatay, to aam zindagi main apni zaban ko yak-sar muqaffal rakhna aap ke li*ye itna aasaan na hota…Undar ki aag agar haathoon se na behti to hontoon (Lips) se behti…Aur agar aap kaheen Iran main hotay to jul hi jaatay... Baahar se agar buch bhi jaatay; zaban ko si bhi laetay, to bhi undar hi undar se raakh ho jaatay. Rooh ko ghunn lug jaata.] To meri Rooh ko shadeed ghunn lag gya tha. Maen ghubra gya tha. Maen tab'ann (By Nature) aik nidar aadmi hoon. To maen dar gya tha kay kabhi, kaheen, kisi jaga maen kuch 'ulta seedha' na bol parroon.


Trust me, I have been in your shoes. I know the feelings. Yes what burns inside has to come out. So let it come out via your hands and I will listen. I may not be of much help but I can listen and I can reply.

Aur anjaam...? Faqat khawari! Fazool khawari! Bina kuch bhi kahay mur jaanay ka dukh! Ik AZEEM dukh!!! To maen juld az juld kisi bhi aesay maqaam par pohanchna chahta tha, aur hoon, jahan meri rooh subuk-bar ho sakay.


Patience, my friend. We sometime have to learn to live with "dukh". It is easier said that one should do this or that to get out of it, but often one has to play with the cards that life deals and often for myself the cards have been such that I have had to learn to live with sadness or misery (dukh).

Jahan maen bay-khauf-o-khatar apnay dil-o-dimagh ki ista'dad main khatir-khaa izafah kar sakoon. Aur, bil*aakhir jub zaban baat karnay laaique ho jaaye to baat ka aaghaz karoon…Bhurpoor aaghaz!….. To maen nay kya bura kia?... Aik sha*hs nay girdab main phuns kar, mahir taerakoon ko madad kay li*ye, mashwarah ke li*ye pukara…to us nay kya ghalut kia? Maen nay apni anaa par Insaani Rooh ki achaaioon ko tarjeeh di; itemad kia, to maen nay kya ghalut kia? Aur yeh doosra, aur barra daagh tha…

I do not think that you did anything wrong. I do not think you should think that you did.


Aur pehla dagh to yeh he kay aap mujhe Mr.Craig Winn ka maqaam kyoon jutla rahay haen???


Because people do have different email addresses. It was a statement of fact. Again keep in mind that the reply is to the note accompanying the sealed envelope and not what was in the envelope.

To yeh aesa daagh he kay is ko jitna ghaur se daekhta hoon yeh utna hi siah (Black; Dark) hota jaata he. Kya yeh siahi meri apni aankh ke til main he?

Yes. It is in your own understanding. It is a misunderstanding of the culture here.

Ya yeh tareeki us takabur se phoot*ti he jo dil ke chor goshoon main betha apna waar karta he? Jo aadmi ko status concious banata he; aur us ko majboor karta he kay wo jis ko apna hum-pallah na samjhay, us ko barray qareenay se paray hata de…To kya purani kahawat na*ye daur main bhi such he, kay.. "All that glitters is not gold." Is zim*n main kuch bhi aur likhta hoon to dil dukhta he. Bahut dukhta he…


Again we are not people of status. We are poor people who are trying to do what our inner selves and our conscience is forcing us to do.

Mujhe heine (German Poet) yaad aa raha he. Kehta he: " Maen nay apnay dukh dard tumharay samnay byaan kiye, aur tum bay-zaar hooye…Maen nay in dukhoon ko naghmoon aur geetoon main dhaala, aur tum nay mujhe laa-faani sha*ir qaraar dia."... Maen Heine nahein, magar kuch aesi hi zehni aur dili kefiat ka shikar zaroor hoon. Aur is waqt maen (Khood pay) huns raha hoon...
Ali, apni fitrat ke itebar se maen wo sha*ir hoon jo zindagi main bud-tareen (Worst) shikast khanay ke ba'd, shikast ka marsiah nahein likhe ga; hajv (Satire) nahein likhe ga…Ghazal likhe ga. Yeh bhi durust (Right) kay Craig ko likhi ga*ee mail main ghalib taasur marsiah hi ka he. Lekin, wo mail (is mail ki tarhah) gehray go-mago main likhi ga*ee tehreer he………Maen apni zindagi ke bud-tareen buhran se guzar raha hoon. Aur maen is se nikalna chahta hoon. Aur mujhe kuch khas samajh nahein aa rahi. To yehi wajah thi kay maen nay aap se madad chahi thi… kay agar Winn kisi bhi kaarun meri mail nahein parrh sakay to aap ki wasatat se mera mas*la (Problem) hul ho ja*ye ga. Aur mera mas*la to faqat itna sa tha kay Craig 'Haan ya Na' maen jawab de detay. Aur agar 'Na' kehtay, to koi advice to zaroor kartay, jis ki roshni main, maen anaarri, koi tadbeer karta. To kul mas*la yeh tha...Kya yeh itna barra mas*la he kay aik Insaan, doosray Insaan ka hul hi na kar sakay? [Haan magar, wo us ko Insaan samjhta ho; Insaan ki ahmiat samjhta ho.]

Sxxxxxx, I have read your letter to Craig and I have read it again and again. You want to get out and I wish you could. You are out of the hell of a belief that is evil, but you are surrounded in an enviornment that does not allow the tongue to speak. Yes one cannot play that "game" because they will not stand for the game. Slightest questioning or opening of the brain will be squelched and the believers do not mind killing. I know. I wish I could help and tell you how to get out of that environment. I cannot because I do not know how. AliSina does not know how. All I can offer you is someone to talk to. I will listen and I will hear what you say. I will respond. Perhaps you do not need to open your tongue to play games if you can talk to me.


Ali, maen nay wo e-mail parrhi jo aap nay ProphetOfDoom kay ta'tul (Deadlock) par Craig ko baejhi. {Is nafsa nafsi ki sadi main} Kher-O-Huq ke aik aashiq nay doosray aashiq ka haal poocha; kheriat dar*yaaft ki; yeh kisi bhi qaari ke li*ye mutasir-kun baat he. Maen bhi mutasir hua. Maen juld mutasir ho jaata hon. Darhaqeeqat, maen nay dunia ko itna kum barta he kay buchoon (Kids) ke maanind choti choti baatoon par khoosh aur khafa ho jaata hoon. Yeh meri shadeed kotahi he. Lekin, kya yeh dunia bartay jaanay ke laaique (Worthy) he? Nahein! Kuch khas Nahein!!…Yeh to tabdeel kiye jaanay ke laaique he. [Aur aap yeh baat pehlay hi jaantay haen…FFI ka majmuee (Collective) taasur meray is da'wa ki kamil tasdeeq karta he.]
FFI par sarsari si nighah dalnay se bhi itna to ba-khoobi pata chal jaata he kay koi he jis ko TEHQEEQ-O-TADQEEQ se ishq he. Jo apnay zehni muqadmat ko barri mehnat se tarteeb deta he. Jis ko bay-kaar jidat ki lagun nahein; aur na hi qadamat se andha dhund aqeedat... Dhokay ki har soorat se jis ko shadeed nafrat he. Jo Sucha (Truthful) he, magar poora Such bolnay se is li*ye gurezaan he kay us ko poori dunia bigarrti nazar aati he…Jo devtaoon ke maanind maghroor he, lekin ijz ki ahmiat se bay-khabar nahein.Jo doosroon ki humnawa*i main ihtiaat se kaam leta he... Ghalut asraat murat*tib ho ja*ain to faurann sehat-o-ijabat ki taraf matwajoh ho jata he. Al-mukhtasur, koi he jis ki Fitrat aur Tabi'at, donoo ko HAQEEQAT se aik tarhah ka lagaao ya rishta he. Aur yeh barri baat he. To mera dil khoosh ho gya. Aur meray dil ko yeh aas bhi laagi kay yeh tez dimagh agar meri madad par tyaar ho gya to wo tamaam waqt buch ja*ye ga jo maen apni hamaqtoon se zaa*ia kar bethoon ga…Mujhe uoon laga kay, Haan, yeh sha*hs faurann samajh ja*ye ga kay koi he jo bhook se mur raha he, magar apni waza'darioon se majboor he. Baja*ye yeh kay seedha seedha mud'a byaan karay, tootay phootay lafzoon main bhook ke sitam byaan kar raha he. Bata raha he kay, Sahib! kabhi kabhaar pait, kamar ke saath uoon lug jaata he kay bus garrha sa bun jaata he. Phir, bahaanay bahaanay se hawa ke us rukh pay kharra ho jaata he kay wo garrha, dumm bhar kay li*ye hi, saaf nazar aa ja*ye. Aur daekhnay waaloon ko soorat-e-haal ki sangeeni ka sahih andaza ho ja* ye.Wo apni si poori koshish karta he; aur yeh bhi koshish karta he kay waqaar ka daamun haath se chootnay na paa*ye. Aur uoon wo mazhaka haiz (Laughing Stock) bun jaata he. Log huns parrtay haen, aur Insaan yeh manzar daekh kar num-naak ho jaatay haen. To mujhe yaqeen tha kay aap ki rooh bhi num-naak ho gi, aur na sirf yeh kay aap meray pegham ki jaanib Craig ki tawajoh dila*ain gay bulkay meri hima*yet (Favour) main do chaar lafz bhi likh dain gay. Lekin Sahib, aap nay likha to kya likha:
" I've the same e-mail address that you have for Mr. Winn."
Ali, itna to maen bhi janta hi tha……Kher, kya ab bhi koi baat baqi he?


Sxxxxxx but what you did not know is the cultural difference. Far more straight forward, more direct and more to the point and far less reading between the lines. Ali never understood what you were asking. Again remember the analogy of a sealed envelop and an attached note. It was the attached not to Ali and not what was in the envelope. But state clearly what kind of help you are seeking. FFI is not set up to help people out of a country or anything close to that. We merely try muslims to think about Islam. I can offer a willing and helping ear, Sxxxxxx, but the fight you have to fight is something you will have to do there. I sit on the other side of the globe. But you are in my thoughts and I wish nothing but the best for you.

Haan, aik baat to baqi he. Aur wo yeh kay maen bhooka hoon. Bahut bhooka. Aur yeh bhook he aik aesay maqaam, aik aesi jaa (Place) ki jahan meray jism-o-jaan mehfooz hon. Aazad hon. Itnay aazad kay maen ghulamioon ke khilaf larr sakoon... Ali, maen larr sakta hoon. Maen yeh larrai larr sakta hoon. Kya yeh larrai aham nahein? Kya is ke aglay muhaz par larrnay waaloon ke paas itna bhi waqt nahein kay wo peechay kharray, tarrap rahay, kisi nihat*tay mujahid ki taraf koi aik izafi hathiar hi uchaal dain?……Aur Sahib, yeh bhook hamesha se nahein thi. Is silsla main faqat itna hi kehna chahoon ga kay meray paas aaj bhi passport nahein. Kabhi banwa*ya hi nahein. Kabhi zaroorat hi nahein parri. Apni dharti par us se to kahein ziadah milta he jis ki zaroorat jism ko hua karti he. Magar, ab muamla rooh ka aan parra he. Aur hasaas roohoon ke li*ye meri dharti ka nizam kisi aqoobat gah se kum nahein. [Aur achanak hi meri rooh aesi hasaas ho ga*ee he kay Tauba!]

Dear Sxxxxxx, I can understand and I can help you in spirit and talk with you and listen to you, but I do not know how to get you to a place where you will be safe from the followers of the prophet of doom. That is why I do not use my real name and AliSina does not use his. We have learnt to operate anonymously. I understand the burden you must be under sitting in the midst of the mindless followers and every word has to be carefully stated and hypocrisy is not the easiest of thing to live with. I know I have been there.

To maen is aqoobat gah se nikalna chahta hoon. Aur maen nahein chahta kay Embassy walay meray passport par mahaz is li*ye nafi ki mohar subt karain kay maen aik 'Muslim' hoon. To maen kya karoon? Mujhe kya karna chahiye? Kya kuch ho sakta he?


Do not worry about "muslim" on your passport. If you can get out, then do even with a passport that says muslim on it. It does not matter in the end. It is what you will say and what you will be once you are out that will matter more than what your passport says. I hope you can figure some way to get out.

Ali, uoon to aap ka yeh mashwarah sa*ib aur qaabil-e-a'mal he kay maen apnay khayalaat ka FFI par izhar karoon. Lekin, meray li*ye yeh munasib nahein.

That is perfectly understandable. You do not have to express yourself at the forum. I understand the restrictions and the inability to have privacy. That was merely a suggestion on Ali's part.

Bilkul nahein..Meray lafz abhi na-pukhta haen. Mera ilm abhi kham he. Abhi to Tareekh ke tamaam aham (Important) abwaab daekhnay haen; warq warq khangalna he. Abhi to As*hab-E-Ilm-O-Qalam se raz ki baatein kuraid kuraid ke poochni haen. Abhi to tamaam Barray Khudaaoon se guft-o-shuneed karni he, kay zaroori he. Ab zaroori he…To bahut kaam baqi he. Abhi to zaban ko baat karnay laaique banana he. Abhi to bahut tyaari karni he… Aur yehi mera kul maatum he kay agar apnay maujoodah set up main reh kar yeh tyaari karta hoon to ik umr ka zia' nazar aata he…To yehi wajah he kay maen kisi bhi aesi jaga jaana chahta hoon jahan mera waqt, mera ho. Chaar, cheh (4 to 6) ghuntay koi kaam karoon. Aur baqi lumhaat Kitab aur Computer aur Keyboard ke roo-baroo uoon guzaroon kay saal se bhi kum arsa main jub FFI ke Forum main aaoon, to aap khud pukar utho..Marhaba! Marhaba!!…To agar aap ko Genius ALI SINA se bhi ziadah Nu'-E-Insaani se pyaar he, to yaqeen rakhain kay wo din door nahein.


I hope we still will get to marvel at your "fights" on the forum when you are in a safe place and it will be possible for you to participate. Please be safe first.

Bahut door nahein...... Aur haan, mujhe aap ki buniadi (Basic) policy se thorra sa ikhtilaf he…Aap ki policy ki buniad he, kay… " Insaan mujhe pyaara he, lekin SUCH mujhe ziadah pyaara he. "
Haan! maen nay daekha he kay log aap ki site visit kartay haen to Ali, wo dar jate haen. Ba'd main yeh sansani nahein rehti; uoon nahein rehti.. Khauf agar waazih ho, att*al (Inevitable) ho, aur mustaqil ho, to itna khauf nahein rehta..lekin, sakoon ba-har-haal nahein hota…… Aap kisi pairr (Tree) pay bethay, barray mazay se, koi kitab parrh rahay hon, aur achanak nazar neechay parray aur aap..hazaaroon khaufnaak bherioon (Wolves) ko apni taraf ghoorta hua pa*ain, to us waqt aap ke dil-o-dimagh ki jo kefiat ho gi, thorri der ba'd us ki shiddat main kami to yaqeenunn ho ja*ye gi, lekin kya wo yak-sar khutm bhi ho ja*ye gi? Aur yeh kefiat agar mustaqil ho ja*ye, bulkay bherioon ki ghurahtain {Ever aggressive stance of Muslims} is main musalsal izafah karti rahain, to aesay main hamaara chehra bigarr jaata he. Aur kabhi kabhar to bahut hi ziadah bigarr jaata he. Aur, bigarrta hi jaata he..Aur yeh to boori baat he…Baqi, aap mujh se kahein ziadah samajhdaar haen. Aap mujh se laakhoon guna kamyaab haen. [Aap ke laakhoon Readers haen. Aur yeh barri baat he…Koi kisi ko uoon hi Read nahein karta.] Maen, filhaal, nakaam hoon. Lekin, mujhe yaqeen he kay aap aik Insaan se, khaa wo nakaam hi kyoon na ho, ikhtilaf-e-ra*ai ka huq nahein cheenain gay. Apni Rooh ko na-huq mujh se naraz nahein karain gay. Aur meray in khyalaat ki har mumkin saza mujhe nahein dain gay…


Y our criticism of Ali's policy is valid. But please keep in mind that Alis Site is onlyone of many sites and this serves the purpose. FFI tells the unvarnished truth without pulling any punches. Yes it is upsetting to many and yes it does scare many, but my experience is that those scared do come back and eventually lose that fear.

Aik aur baat, uoon hi chalte chalte… Sahib, koi aqeedah, khaa wo kitna hi bay-buniad kyoon na ho, agar zamanoo se chala aa raha ho to phir 'house of cards' nahein hota. Aqeedah ka ta'luq Insaan ki Khaahish-E-Baqaa se he, jis main anaa uoon ghul (To mix) jaati he kay phir mita*ay na banay... Juzbaat apni jaga, lekin aap bhi jaantay haen kay Yeh Insaan ka wo awwaleen juzba he jis ki jarrain buchpun se hoti hui door sadioon main ja nikalti haen…To Ashab-e-Ilm-O-Nazar ki maujoodah sharah-e-ta'daad ko daekhtay hu*ay yeh kaha ja sakta he kay jin oonchay mahaloon ka toot kar gir jaana muqadar ho gya he, wo bhi zameen bos honay main waqt lay ja*ain gay... Aur Waqt ka zia' to zulm he. Aur isi zulm ke khilaf to sub larr rahe haen. Yehi to wo jung he jis ke aap aik kaamyab hero haen, aur jis main apna kirdar ada karnay ke li*ye maen din raat tarrap raha hoon. Uoon sochiay to is jung se bhi kya haasil? Lekin, uoon sochiay to bus phir ghaaroon (Caves) main hi beth rahiay!
To Ali, jahan itni bay-kaar baatain hu*een, wahan aik aur sahi…Kahani kuch uoon he kay aik bhuri puri vaadi (Valley) main kisi sha*hs ki taang achanak aik bhaari pathar talay dub jaati he. Pathar us ki bisaat se wazni he.. Bay-bus ho kar wo madad ke li*ye chilata he, magar koi nahein sunta. Wo naam lay lay kar pukarta he, magar masroofiat aur majboorioon ka wo a'lam he kay sub un-suni kartay haen. Lekin aik sha*hs he jo apni tamaam tur masroofiat ke bawajood udhar daekhta he, soorat-e-haal ko kisi hud tuk samajhta he, aur phir bawaqaar lehjay main kehta he: "Dekho! Koshish karo. Tum kar saktay ho. Tumharay to donoo haath aazad bhi haen…Koi nahein aata. Hamaari madad ko bhi koi nahein aaya tha...Phir yeh waqia koi jaan-leva (Fatal) bhi nahein. Shabaash! Koshish karo. Tum kar saktay ho!" ...Pathar talay duba hua aadmi baghaur yeh kalaam sunta he, aur us ke dil ka aik gosha gehra udaas ho jata he. Lekin baat us ko samajh aa jaati he. Wo sur torr koshish karta he. Aur, bil*aakhir, kaamyab ho jaata he. Aazad ho jata he. Aur…qadray udaasi ke saath…safar aaghaz karta he..Uoon kahani ka pehla baab khutm ho jaata he……To poochna yeh he kay imkanaat se lubraiz is dunia maen is kahani ka anjaam kuch aur bhi ho sakta tha? Kya aesa ho sakta tha kay door se sahi, koi lever hi uchaal deta? Kitna waqt aur tawana*i buchti! [Dil udaasioon ke zehar se buch jaata, aur meethi muskanoo ke amrit se bhur jaata..Maahol main khooshian pheltein; Chiragh se Chiragh jalta.Yeh sub hota…] Magar, lever uchaalnay waalay ko is ka kya faaidah hota?… Aur yeh wo SAWAAL he jis ke jawab ke li*ye ik daftar darkaar he. Yehi wo azeem CONFUSION he jo is Dunia ko Junnat (Paradise) main badalnay nahein deti.


Sxxxxxx, not only both of your hands are free but you have gotten the biggest rock of yourself. You are at least free in your soul and free in you mind. You are not a slave of a cult. You know the truth. The problem is that you have become sane and now how does a sane person survive in an insane asylum where most people around him are really and truly totally under the spell of an evil cult? I know you will manage. So do take heart and do see how you can create a path for your self. I do not know whether there can be paradise on this earth but it is worth fighting to save others and help others.

Yehi wo maqaam he jahan Mazhab Nasal-E-Insaani ke li*ye zabardast ahmiat ka ba'is, aur us ke huq main rahmat bun jaata he... Mazkoorah kahani ke sub kirdaar agar mazhabi hotay, hum mazhab hotay, to aesi ik pukar par aik se ziadah lever aa girtay. Bulkay khood log hi aa girtay. Haan, budlay main un ko Junnat milti. To, yehi wo Qadeem Sawaal he jo zamana maa qabl az Suqrat (Socratese) se chala aa raha he, aur jis ka jami'(Comprehensive) jawab Iinsaan aaj tuk nahein dhoondh paaya.Ya'ni: " Kya Insaan bay-laus madad ka (Undar Se) qaa*il hi nahein? " [Meri jaga aap ka bhaai agar itna pareshan hota, to kya aap itnay hi laa-ta'luq hotay?] Sawaal kitna seedha, magar jawab kitna paycheedah he!…Kher, is AZEEM SAWAAL ka jawab to hum aik na aik din dhoondh hi lain gay, khaa is ke li*ye hum*ain apnay Dil-O-Dimagh ko kitna hi roshan kyoon na karna parray…Yeh tehreer to Nasal-E-Insaani par Zindgaani ka qarz he, jis ki adaaigi do taangoon (Two Legs) waali har us makhlooq par farz he, jo Insaan he. Aur is zameen par Insaanoo ki aesi bhi kami nahein. To is tehreer ko to har haal main raqam hona hi he. Lekin, filhaal to mujhe yeh poochna he kay Ali, meray Watan ki sarhadain (Boundaries) meray paeroon se zanjeerain bun kar lipatt ga*ee haen…maen in ko kyoon-kar torroon??? Aur mujhe in ko torrna to he……


Sxxxxxx you are not the only one. I will bet there are thousands who find the boundaries of that insane asylum have become chains for them. I just wish I knew how all them can find each other and help each other with risking their body and soul. But take heart and fight and a way will appear. It appeared for me out of nowhere. It will appear for you as well, I am sure.

Haan Sahib! Dewana hoon..Wo baat jo sub se pehlay kehni thi, ab keh raha hoon…Bhaai, aap ka bahut bahut Shukriah! Aap ne rabta kia...Aur is rabtay ki meray li*ye kya ahmiat he? Jaesay luq-o-duq sehra main kisi Insaan ko Insaan mil ja*ye! Jaesy jeenay ki umang seenay main aur jagmaga uthay! To Shukriah! Bahut Shukriah!! Aur Shukriah aap ke un Dost (Doubtless Member) ka, jo Urdu jantay haen aur jinhoo nay meri English ki hausla afzaai ki.[ Ali, meray khayaal main hum kohsaar-e-khayaal ke kisi bhi maqaam par pohanch ja*ain, hum*ain Hausla Afzaai ki zaroorat hamesha rehti he.

Sxxxxxx, I am again sorry that I cannot write in Urdu but I am replying in English. And also please write in english, for your english is really good and you will get more proficient and comfortable as you use it. It will be a lot easier on me.


Is ke do(Two) fauri faaiday hotay haen. Awwal, hamaara apni zaat par itemad aur barrhta he. Do*am, hum maghroor nahein hotay. Uoon hasti main kabhi kabhar wo tawazun qaa*im ho jata he jo tawanaioon ka ik azeem khazana hota he.] Haan magar, maen un par yeh waazih zaroor karna chahta hoon kay, go maen nay taalib ilmi ke zamana main English ke taqreebunn har imtihan main qaabil-e-zikr marks li*ye haen. Lekin, is baat ko to aik zamana beet gya.


Bhai mujhe urdu li*ye hooay be zamana beet gya hai. Every other sentence I have had to use the dictionary. Your english is heck a lot better than my Urdu.

Aur yeh beeta hua zamana to wo samjhain kay bus bay-kaar hi gya. Is dauran maen nay khood ko barbad karnay ke siwa koi qaabil-e-zikr kaam nahein kia...Lekin, ab karoon ga. Yeh mera nayaa(New) janam he. Aik na*ee subhah! To shaam se bahut pehlay maen un se usi zaban main baat karoon ga jo is Ehad (TIME) ki numa*indha zaban he. Magar, filhaal maen majboor hoon kay Urdu main apna maa-fi-zameer zara behtar adaz main byaan kar sakta hoon... Umeed-e-wasiq he kay is kamzori ko kotahi na samjha ja*ye ga.
Aakhir main Ali, apni problems ka zikr kar ke aap ko bore aur khood ko khawaar nahein karoon ga. Bus itna samajh leeji*ye kay aap Iran main rehtay haen; charoon taraf Muslims rehtay haen; family style aesa he kay ghar (Home) main sub ka apna apna kamrah ho to bhi har kamrah sub ka apna hota he. Koi bhi, kisi ki bhi kitaboon, almarioon, aur juraaboon (Stockings) main kisi bhi waqt ghus sakta he…Hamaaray muashray kay 95 % gharanoo main yehi system raa*ij he. Hum is ko apna*yet (Height of Love) kehtay aur samajhtay haen. Is main kuch Husn (Beauty) aur ka*i qabahatain (Miseries) haen. Ab kuch tabdeeli aa rahi he. Media ka zabardast haath he! Lekin yeh bhi such he kay hum is tabdeeli ko is shiddat se resist kar rahay haen, kay aaj bhi FFI open karnay ke li*ye mukammal tanhaa*i ki zaroorat parrti he…jo aksar nahein milti. [Computer room to bahut sanjha he. Aur ghar aesa he kay Meelad ki mahaafil baqaa*idgi se hoti haen.]…… Aur jahan tuk meray Samaaj (Society) ke halaat-o-nizam ka ta'luq he to kum likhay ko bahut samajhi*ye ga…Kuch log mahaz aur mahaz is li*ye Behtar (BETTER) haen kay wo meri basti ke baasi haen, warna yaqeenunn wo…Behtareen (Best) hotay…Darhaqeeqat, hum sub nay mil jul kar aik doosray ka jeena haraam kar rakha he, kyoon-kay hum bahut hi ziadah mahabbat (Love) karnay waalay log haen. Aur mahabbat (Romance) se hi humain roka jaata he. To hum nafsiati mareez bun kar reh ga*ye haen. Lekin, maraz us stage par kabhi nahein pohancha kay a'lamaat andhoon (Blinds) ko bhi dikha*i danay lagain. Aur yeh ziadah khatarnak he. Niha*yet Khatarnak, kay hum sub sadioon se andhay haen. To, mera maahol (apni gehra*ioon main mudattoon se) sulag raha he. Maen sub samajh raha hoon. Ab samajh raha hoon. Lekin, kuch kar nahein pa raha... Khul ke bolnay par pabandi he. Aur behroon (Deafs) ko sargoshian suna*i nahein detein. To mujhe kuch sujha*i nahein deta, kay aap ko kaun kaun sa daagh dikhaoon, aur kyoon-kar! To baqi sub aap ki us Aankh par chorrta hoon jo wo bhi daekhti he jo daekhna har INSAAN par wajib he. Magar, wo ghaafil he; magar wo confused he. Wo undar hi undar se (From Within) tukrroon main but raha he...ILM-O-SCIENCE ki aari tezi se chal rahi he. Har shaam dard ki ik tees uthti he, jo wajood main hi uoon tehleel ho jati he kay chehray par bus, aik halki si shikan hi namudaar hoti he. Magar, Bareekbeen to yeh shikan*ain saaf daekh rahay haen. Wo jantay haen kay Insaan ab cheekha kay ab!……Kaun janay kub? Is sadi ya agli sadi! Magar yeh to te he kay, ziadah se ziadah, us se agli sadi!!! Haan... ye te he kay Insaan ko bil*aakhir, aik na ik din, cheekhna hi he…To cheekh to raha hoon.. Aur kya Insaan ki aur meri cheekh aik si nahein? [Samajhnay waalay samajhtay haen kay aawaz ki sur zameen par bay-panaah wehshat jab bay-panaah musarat se dewana waar galay milti he, to wo gumak peda hoti he, jis nay har daur main diloon ko harasaan kia he…Wo cheekh ubharti he, jis ko Na sun*nay ke liye har Ehad ke Insaanoo nay kaanoo (Ears) main ungliaan thonsi haen.].....Maen achanak dar gya hoon. Aur soch raha hoon,

BUK RAHA HOON JUNOO MAIN KYA KYA KUCH
KUCH NA SAMJHAY KHUDA KARAY KOI
(Ghalib)

Ta-Haal Bay-Hud Tunha,
Sxxxxxx Sxxxxxx
__________________________________________________

Well Sxxxxxx I do not know if I have understood everything you said but I have tried and I have tried giving you an honest and straight answer. I understand your lonliness and your pain and I wish I had a magic wand that could fix everything but I do not. All I can offer is a hand of friendship, a willing ear, and time to listen and reply. But keep your spirits up and now learn to play the game of surviving in an insane asylum and work to create chances to get out of the asylum. Please feel free to send me any questions and any thoughts you want. It will be easier for me if you will keep the letters a little shorter and in english.

best regards,
doubtless

From: S S
To: faithfreedom2@gmail.com
Date: Jun 18, 2006 8:13 AM
Subject: How THANKFUL I'm to YOU!!!

ALI,
Not only You are a Genius but also You are Wise enough to be NICE enough............Always Loving You.
[Dear! Let me write in Urdu. And let me write in some detail. I"ll be Thankful to You. Highly Thankful!]
A fan of Yours,
S S

Thank you S

Please join the forum and meet other great ex-Muslims. You'll find genius runs in the FFI family :)

All the best

Ali Sina

Average:

0

Your rating: None