Betrayed by a Muslim Man
This letter is from Kris, telling her story about how she was betrayed by a Muslim man.
I am Hispanic and met my Muslim husband in 1999. At that time I was 21 years old single mother of one. My child’s father was and never has been involved, so my Middle Eastern partner assumed the role of “Father” towards my child. We dated for about 1 year before he moved into my house with my child and I. He swept me off my feet and was very generous towards all of my family and I. Both my parents were reluctant to accept him, due to his religion and what they have studied on Islam. I come from a Catholic home and this made things a bit difficult for me. Over the past 12 years many lies came from him and he never went back home (Yemen) to visit his mother since he first came to the United States in 1995. After living with him for about 3 years, I found out that he had attended an Engagement Party for himself. I was devastated. You can only imagine how I felt, he never mentioned marriage with me, but I felt that if I was patient and loving, Marriage would come in due time. We separated and of course he moved out and I continued to raise my child and work hard. About one year went by, we reconnected and started dating again which led to him moving back in…again no commitment between us (marriage), but I have always been very independent and love to work and have had much patience.
I remember sometimes he would be on the phone to his family “back home” and this would just ruin his day. Many times my own mother would ask me to leave him, due to the religious differences and the pressure he must have been getting during those phone calls. I tried to be understanding and talk to him about his family back home, but he would say that he may have to go sometime soon because his mother would cry allot over the phone. So, we continued to live together in the West Coast and all of a sudden in 2004 he decided to invest in a business back East and move there without me. He promised he would return to move us and that he had to go get his business started and that he was not financially set to absorb the cost of the move, so it is that we started a long distance relationship. I now realize that he was trying to forget about me and separate from me. I sold my house and since it was only in my name, I decided to share the proceeds from the sale because I trusted him and he had mentioned that his business in the East needed money.
In 2006 he sold his business and came back and moved back in with me. During this time I was employed and making decent money. He bought a couple of investment homes that ended up being a mistake because he bought them during the “Real Estate Hike”. I soon lost my job due to the recession and ended up becoming pregnant. We were both excited and even though I was unemployed he had started working out his business.
Just a few months after giving birth, he was arrested and imprisoned for approx. 11 months. During those 11 months I would visit and support him as much as I could, because now I was a single mom of not 1 but 2 girls. I sacrificed allot and he knew it. No one not even his father came to visit him once while incarcerated. The long trips to prison almost got me and my girls into a few accidents. After his release in 2008, I was sure that he would marry me right away. He ended up losing his investment homes and his business while in prison. I was sure that our problems were over, since he jumped right back into work with the help of his family. The calls from his family continued throughout all of these years and after his prison release I could sense that the pressure to return to Yemen was mounting. I feared this of course, because he had always kept me away from his Father and Mother. His father had visited other family in the U.S., but never came to stay with us and I realized that they would not acknowledge me or even his blood granddaughter. To this day, I never met his parents and they have never met my 2 daughters. Why does this bother me???
After all of this we married the end of 2009. I was so happy and he promised to always be by my side and he would always promise and swear that our hard times were over. I had started to work with him and help rebuild himself back to where he could own a business again. I lent him my credit since his was bad and after all these years my parents also helped him by giving him private loans. From 2008 thru 2009 we worked very hard together to save money. Obviously I was never in control of the money and never knew how much we had, which always bothered me because I was also working and my independence always was there. He build up enough money and told me that he would invest in a new business, but not in the West, he left back East again and stayed there for around 6 months to open up and work on his new store. While I stayed behind with the girls waiting for him because he was going to come back for all of us and move us…this time for SURE! So he came back and told me that I would have to wait to move because his business was still not profitable, which I understood that it takes time for a business to build itself up, but what about family? Where did I stand in all of this? He left again to the East and this is how our relationship has been for about a year and a half.
Finally the dreadful news…He came in August of 2010 and I was so excited because he said that we were moving to be with him. At least this is what he said over the phone. Disappointment, just another lie. He came to tell me that he would be leaving to Yemen for 3 months and that he would be back the late part of the year (2010), but that he would be here for Thanksgiving. He celebrated every year Every American/Western Holiday, he would Grill and have cookout parties, that YES did have beer. During the time he was in Yemen from October thru December I had received 3 anonymous phone calls telling me that he had married a 17 year old in Yemen. CAN YOU SAY HEART BREAK!!! Wow, here I am waiting for him, happy for him that he has gone to visit his mother. While I lay in a cold bed, he lays in a warm bed with his new teenage wife. I am now 35 years old and nothing makes sense. I have an education and was smart…until I fell in Love.
Now it is 2011, he came back from Yemen on Valentine’s Day! He returned back to us, his American Family, on March 3rd “to move us to the East Coast” he showed me the High School our oldest daughter, which he helped me raise, would be going to and he even took us to get UHaul quotes and showed us East Coast homes online that he had gone to see for us.
On March 13th, he told me with his own cowardly words that he was no longer in love with me and that he had Married in Yemen. He asked if I could accept it and it would work between us. I surrendered everything up until this point! No more I have some love left for him, but I love myself more. I am hurt that he did this to me and lied up till the last minute just because he did not have the courage to be honest from the time he landed back here. He has changed, cold like dry ice. Unaffectionate even to his daughters, he mentioned that he returned to his faith and that all the years he lived with me he was lost, but that he had found what he really wants in his religion. That he knows I will never be Muslim and that he does not want his daughters to be raised without wearing a hijab. He wants his kids to be raised Muslim and this is why he married, not for love. He denies to me that he loves her, he married in October and I will move forward with my daughters and never forgive him for his betrayal.
He swore to me on his Quran before he left to Yemen that he would not get married. This is why I was always so fearful and distrusting of him going back to his county. They all do it, I know this now. It is clear that this man I thought I knew had a plan for everything.
I stopped being the person I really was, disconnected from childhood friends for him and was less confident. He was much “Westernised”, we would go out drink beers and cocktails with friends. He didn’t even care to call anyone when he returned. Like I said he was quiet and looked me with sorrow and indifference. I don’t know what happened since I last saw him in August. He has changed and I don’t know who he is. I filed for a divorce last week and I am sad. I was raised to believe in Marriage…I believed in Marriage. He gave me hope to the last minute. He left on Wednesday, March 23rd and I am almost certain that he will even forget his daughters. Unfortunately I gave myself into intimacy to him again believing and excited that we were going back East with him. I feel so disgusted because I know he is Married in Yemen and his teen wife is now expecting.
This time when he returned, I could tell he was gone. He was physically here, but his mind was elsewhere. While he returned a “Born Again Muslim”, it was odd he was drinking alcohol. He does seem confused, I feel he loves me, but the pressure of his family and religion have asked that he flushes all of his past life out of his heart and mind. I am certain that I am being blamed of his “Bad Misfortune/Luck” and for all the problems he went through. They convinced him that I am the reason why so many bad things happened to him, because I am not Muslim. Like I said I never lied to him and never promised that I would convert. This is a difficult complicated religion for him, imagine how it must be for an American who comes from a normal up-bringing? I will never convert not for anyone.
Why am I in shock? What kind of woman am I to have stayed by a man who had gotten engaged to another woman while he was living with me? I have been by myself for 1 year, was I not supposed to see this coming? To any woman out there I wish none of this on you. It is heartbreaking, especially for the children. They always ask when their Dad is coming back. The oldest understands, but my 4 year old is lashing out in strange ways. God help me. Please pray for me and pray that I no longer ask Why? You never think that this will happen to you, but they all go back and do this, Trust me…”Who Feels it, Knows It”. I just pray mostly for my girls that their father does not forget about them, but I am sure that this is bound to happen. He already forgot when he went to Yemen and married to start a new family.
Islam transforms hearts. I am not saying this. This is what Muslims say. It makes it callous and unfeeling. Normal people who let themselves become influenced by Islam lose every trace of their humanity. They become capable of killing others, including their own children. Marrying a Muslim has its risks. A Muslim can turn to his or her religion anytime. When that happens, it is as if their soul is snatched out of them and a diabolic entity occupi9es their body and controls them. You learned your lesson the hard way. I hope those who read your story will think twice before meeting a Muslim man, or even a woman.
Now, you are concerned about him forgetting his daughters. I wish that were the case. He does not love them alright, but he will come back for them, especially his own. He will set traps to snatch her from you and take her to Yemen where he will try to raise her as a Muslima and marry her off to another scumbag Muslim. Be careful. Your daughters don’t need that man. Cut all the communications with him and don’t let him come close to them. They will be far better without him.
Muslims swearing on the Quran means nothing. One should never trust a Muslim. His words absolutely mean nothing to him. He can break them at any time. Trust a Muslim as much as you trust a predator wild animal. You can trust a predator animal as long as he fears you. As soon as you let your guards down he will attack you.
As for yourself, you are going to be okay. You are still young and can find a good man, if that is what you want. Try plentyoffish.com and explore new waters. This time you are wiser and hopefully will avoid the mistakes you committed before. There is nothing certain in life, but at least you know not to date a Muslim no matter how modernized he may be. Dating a Muslim is like marrying someone with HIV. He may not have full blown AIDS, but he is at a much higher risk of contracting it. I hope women read your story and avoid Muslims like plague. That is what they are. They are plague. They are plague as individuals and they are plague as society.
As long as a person is a Muslim and to the extent that he tries to emulate Muhammad, he is a beast. Islam robs people’s humanity and reduces them into very evil beings.
Muslims are torn between two forces. On one hand they are humans like all of us and have the same human feelings. They can love, feel nostalgic, have empathy, hope, fear, etc. On the other hand Islam tells them that all these human feelings are attachments and tests that are interposed between them and Allah. It is often the latter that wins. So when a Muslim falls in love, his love can be sincere, but the problem is that once his faith come into play, all that love can vanish.
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