A Letter from an Ex-Muslim
Greetings Mr Ali Sina,
I’m Youcef, a 31 year old ex-Muslim (originally from Algeria and living in France since I was 16 years old), I’m very grateful to you because your website helped me leave Islam more than 10 years ago (back in 2007, when I was 20) and it has been for the better, at least on the rational-intellectual level.
However, I would like to share with you my experience that leaving islam doesn’t solve the psychological problems caused by growing up in an islamic country, an islamic family and from practicing islam (even for a short time, as in my case), and doesn’t remove the stigma attached to being a Muslim in European countries.
Being brought up in an islamic society gave me a childhood filled with humiliation, lack of love, emotional and physical abuse,…, which gave me a very low self-esteem, from which I still suffer a lot today.
My mother was a typical woman of islamic societies, an emotionally immature woman who can’t properly give love and care for her children since she was herself subjected to humiliation, had low self-esteem, and was much more concerned about her social image (constantly showing off as a pious and devout woman, saying inshallah, macha’allah, hamdoulillah and talking about Allah’s Will at every sentence) than about sincerely caring about anyone else, including her children.
My father was also very typical of islamic fathers, even though having a good heart he liked showing off his power by being verbally abusive, yelling at his children for no reason, behaving as a despot and enjoying frightening his wife and children. I later learned that in all islamic cultures, losing one’s temper and yelling is considered a sign of manhood, rather than having self-control.
In fact both my parents were low self-esteem narcissists, though expressing their narcissism in different ways (showing religiosity and false morality for my mother and showing despotic behavior and open abuse for my father).
After moving to France, within a few years both me and my sister left islam (after a period of slave-like practice of Salat for me before throwing off the whole thing after reading the biography of Muhammad and your articles) and yet the following years proved very different for my sister and for me.
My sister was quickly integrated among the French students, has had dozens of friends (and still has them) and has now married a French man and lives a fully integrated life in French society.
For me it was very different, even though I had left islam I was not integrated, the French students regarded me as a Muslim man and were cautious of me, I was very rarely invited to any party or dinner (in fact once I was invited and they bought Halal meat special for me, only based on my name).
It seems that European society is much more cautious of Muslim men than of Muslim women, provided that they don’t wear hijab, etc.
As for women, I had such a low self-esteem that I was deeply hurt by any rejection and didn’t often dare approach them directly, sure of being rejected, and indeed I was rejected and felt deeply humiliated the few times I tried a direct approach. I instead tried to meet them online, and in fact I had good writing skills and managed to interest many women online, but as I soon as I told them my name is Youcef most of them would stop answering me immediately.
In fact Muslim men are so badly reputed here that I have been rejected countless times (not only romantically) simply for having an islamic name and background, and this includes getting job-interviews (please don’t tell me this is not true, since I have proof of it, as I would sometimes apply with a false name and compare).
I finally married a fellow Algerian woman, and who is Muslim (yes !), since despite my best efforts I was globally rejected by French society and French women. My wife calls herself Muslim yet she doesn’t pray, doesn’t fast, eats non-halal meat, etc .. in fact the only thing islamic about her practice is avoiding pork and alcohol.
On the spiritual level, I consider myself an agnostic, I don’t really believe in the Abrahamic god, and yet I do consider Jesus to be an excellent moral guide and I do try to follow his teachings to have a better life (I also try to follow stoïcian philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus).
So recently I decided to attend the local Protestant church in order to know more about the teachings of Jesus and find more direction and purpose in my life, but my wife (who can barely be called a Muslim) forbid it totally for me, and saw it as an unacceptable betrayal of “our religion” (islam). She would rather have me stay in a position of “non-practicing Muslim” (read : agnostic with an islamic name) than allow me to explore any other spiritual way. She also forbids me to criticize Muhammad in front of her or in front of other people or even on the internet, despite nearly not practicing anything he preached she still regards him as sacred.
So what should I do ? confront her openly about Muhammad at the risk of losing her ? or keep playing a “non-practicing Muslim” role and forbidding for myself any other path ? I do love her and we have a 2 year old daughter together.
I don’t know about Canada or USA, but here in the Old World, religion and ethnicity are closely related, ex-Muslims are not considered as non-Muslims by European societies, they are labeled as Muslims everywhere they go, and are treated as such, especially if they are men.
I’m regularly having people at the workplace wishing me a good Ramadan, a good Aïd, telling me if a meal contains pork, etc .. so sometimes I even find myself wondering if I’m really a non-Muslim, since everyone around me treats me as a Muslim.. and everywhere I go around France, people treat me as a Muslim.
Here in the Old World, religions, cultures and identities are very rigid, as a product of centuries of sedimentation, you can’t change your religion, culture, identity, as easily as you do in the New World, and so there is in fact little room for ex-Muslims as a social identity, even though they are numerous in private opinions.
And in Algeria, islam is just everywhere, you can’t have any social life, friends, relatives, getting married, etc, without participating in islamic rituals (like fasting, praying in congregation), using islamic formulas (inshallah,..), respecting anyone talking in the name of the Quran and regarding his words as sacred, and getting schooled regularly by anyone on religion (amr bil maarouf wa nahy an al munkar) with no right to protest… islam is just part of everything society does and follows and imposes… and yes, I had to have an islamic marriage in order to get married, despite not believing in islam and my wife knowing it.
I used to believe in your prediction of islam collapsing totally by 2030, but in reality islam is solidly grounded in social structures and social identities in islamic countries and solidly used as a social label for MENA (Middle East North Africa) immigrants in Europe by Europeans themselves.
And these social structures that solidly attach individuals to islam will not be easily bypassed, even though I do believe that islam will collapse eventually I think it will take longer and a lot more generations.
I hope my contribution was useful, and I look forward to your reply,
Your upbringing in a Muslim family is not news to the rest of us ex-Muslims. You cannot expect Muslim women to have healthy self-esteem when they follow a man who said women are deficient in intelligence. And you cannot expect such women raise children with high self-esteem. So we all suffer from the same disorders. Our entire societies are made of men with low self-esteem. That is why democracies in Islamic countries don’t work. Democracy means equality. This is an alien concept for Muslims who see themselves as inferior and compensate by trying to be superior. Knowing we are zero we wear masks, pretend to be hero and want to be masters of others. We cannot live in harmony with anyone. We want to dominate and rule. This is because of our inferiority complex handed to us by our parents who received it from their parents. It can be traced back to one psychopath monster called Muhammad.
I also agree with you that it is easier for Muslim women to shed their Islamic vestige than it is for men. Muslim women are perceived as victimized. And that is a fact. So when they leave Islam the world is ready to embrace them and protect them. Muslim men, although victims too, are perceived as victimizers and indeed they are both. Also Muslim men lie about their faith to trap non-Muslim women. I have received thousands and have published dozens of testimonies from non-Muslim girls who wrote they were used and abused by Muslim men who deceived them and presented themselves as liberal and non-practicing Muslim, but as soon as they had them trapped, the masks of Dr. Jekyll came down and the ugly face of Mr. Hyde became manifest. Muslims are monsters in disguise. I am telling everyone not to trust Muslims even when they claim to be non-Muslim.
But before blaming me, look at your own wife. She does not practice Islam and loves all the liberty that the west gives her. Yet, she will not hesitate to destroy your life and make you miserable if you dare to convert to Christianity. Probably, she is not a bad person. But, she will act like a devil when it comes to defending Islam, a religion that she does not even practice. You should not trust non-practicing Muslims.
Forty years ago, very few Muslims were practicing. Only a husband of one of my aunts used to go to mosque and one of my mother’s cousins was an Ayatollah. That is how he made his livelihood. The rest of my extended family were not practicing. In the society we circulated no one was practicing. People made joke about mullahs and women wearing hijab were regarded as backward. All that changed overnight. When Khomeini came to power he imposed Islam on everyone. Some accepted Islam willingly and others by force. Girls who wore miniskirts donned chador and men shaved their head and let their beard grow. In a matter of months, the very butts that were rocked and rolled in discotheques were pointed at sky in the mosques.
Islam is like a virus. It can remain dormant but if it is not eliminated completely, it can be triggered at any time and destroy you and everyone who you come in contact with.
My advice to everyone, is to not date and not marry a Muslim whether man or a woman. Don’t even associate with Muslims. Even if they are wonderful people, if there is a trace of Islam left in them, shun them like plague. Don’t ever assume that a few viruses can do little harm. Viruses can multiply fast.
What about people like you and me who have no trace of Islam left in us. We are recovering. But the damage done may last a lifetime. We don’t carry this virus anymore. Yet there is distrust. Non-Muslims don’t want to marry us and for good reason. So what should we do?
I am only sharing my honest point of view. My suggestion is become a member of a protestant Church. I say protestant, not because I have anything against Catholics. They are just as wonderful people as others. But I did a lot of search on Vatican and I believe that Vatican is controlled by the Devil. This control took place at its inception. I don’t want Muslims to jump from the frying pan into fire. I don’t wish to offend my wonderful Catholic readers, but after lot of research it is my honest conclusion that the top echelon of power in Vatican, i.e. all the Cardinals, are corrupt, pedophile and Satan worshippers. I don’t say this as disparagement but as a matter of fact. These men do not worship Jesus. In public they promote Christianity and in secret they worship Satan, which includes child sacrifice. The Vatican is the evilest organization on the planet, far more evil than Islam. While there are countless, selfless and dedicated priests and nuns, who serve the Lord and the congregation with love, only the pedophile and the homosexual priests are selected in the inner circle of power. And since the Pope is elected by the cardinals from among the cardinals, the power is always kept among the Satanists.
So, go to a protestant church. And even then, be careful. Power corrupts and protestant churches are not immune to this principle. Many Satanists choose churches to control and mislead the believers.
But that is another subject. If you convert to Christianity and wear a cross it is unlikely that people will confuse you with a Muslim even if your name is Muhammad, Ali or Yousef. Don’t hesitate to tell everyone of your Christian faith.
You already committed the mistake of marrying a Muslim. If you did not have a child, I would have advised you to leave her. A Muslim in your life will bring misery to your life. He or she will suck the joy and all the vitality from you making sure that you feel as miserable as they feel – an empty carcass, like and ambulating zombie just like them. The story of Dracula is so applicable to Muhammad and Muslims. When Muslims suck the soul of someone, that person becomes another zombie who will suck the souls of others. Muslims look like human but they lack the divine light. What is missing in them is the Spirit of God. That is why you can’t find a single Muslim who can claim to be happy. They may have everything material this world offers, yet they can’t find inner joy that comes only when you are filled with the Holy Spirit of God. They are missing something and not knowing what, they feel themselves victimized and angrily fight with each other and with the world. There is not a single Muslim country where people live in peace and harmony with each other or with their neighbors. A few years ago I visited a Mosque here in my town only to witness an ongoing fight among the Muslims. I’ve been to many churches. There is a spirit of happiness, elation, joy and gratitude during the ceremonies. You don’t come out of a church being angry, unless it is a racist church like the one Obama used to go to. What more proof you need to accept that Islam is from the Devil?
My advice to all of you who can, is to shun the Muslims around you. Keep your distance from them. These people are possessed. There is a spirit of devil residing in every Muslim, which manifests itself to the degree that they are devoted to their cult.
For those of you who are married to a Muslim man, if you don’t have a child yet, leave them today, even if they look like angels. These people have no human soul in them. There is something very evil and demonic residing in the heart of every Muslim. The fact that this evil spirit is dormant should not fool you.
If you have children, pray to God for help. I honestly have no solution to offer. But I know God answers prayers and Jesus performs miracles. So that is all I can tell you. Since there is nothing you can do, leave it in the hands of Jesus and let him take care of you. Be assured that he does not fail you.
For those of you who are married to a Muslim woman, the case is slightly different. Ask them to sit down for an honest conversation. Then tell them that it is hard for the marriage to survive when one side is a Muslim and the other side is not. Now this is not true in the case of mixed marriages between any other faiths. Jews, Hindus, Christians, Catholics, Buddhists, atheists, etc. can intermarry and it is possible that they have a happy marriage together. But a Muslim cannot live in peace with anyone, including with Muslims of other sects. Their case is separate from those of humans. Muslims are possessed. Hence you do not apply to them the same rule that you apply to other people.
So tell your wife that for your marriage to survive either she should leave Islam or you would convert to it. However, since you are a gentleman and do not wish to force your way on her, you give her that choice. There is only one catch, that she should read the book Understanding Muhammad and Muslims. I have made this book free and it is translated to several languages. If she read the book and still does not want to leave Islam, you will convert to Islam. You can offer to read the book together so you can discuss it while reading it. Of course she may want to dispute every sentence of it. Don’t argue with her and continue reading. Sooner or later, she will come to see this whole religion is nothing but the insanity of a very disturbed mind. She may go through some shock and may want to stop reading. Give her time and space. The seed is sown and she cannot escape the truth for long. She will come back to read more and once she completes the book you will have your wife. She will be exorcised from the demonic spirit of Allah. Not only you have saved your marriage, you have saved your children and your wife’s soul too.
At the same time you sit for the discussion, tell her that if she decides not to leave Islam which leaves you no choice but to convert to Islam you will not want to be a wish-washy Muslim but a full-fledged dedicated one. You cannot call yourself a Muslim and live like a non-believer. A Muslim must follow Muhammad and the Quran not the western values. And make her agree to this.
Tell her that the first day you convert she must learn her place in the house. As a Muslim wife she has to obey you and if she disobeys you have the right to beat her. She cannot go to authorities and complain because that would be hypocrisy. She can’t call herself a Muslim while seeking protection from kafirs. If she is a Muslim, she must live by the sharia, not by the western laws. Tell her that the day you convert to Islam the sharia will be the law in your household.
The sharia requires her to wear hijab. She will not be allowed to go out of the house without your permission. You will decide who will she talk to and befriend. If she disobeys, or if you suspect that she may be thinking of it, she will be beaten and she must endure it silently. If you decide not to let her work she must stay at home. You will provide for her food and clothing. While she must remain faithful to you and cover her face from other men, she must not complain if you may want to take other wives, which you may procure from an Islamic matrimonial site. Should she decide she cannot live like a Muslim woman and wants to divorce, she should put in writing that she has no right to the children because in Islam weaned children belong to the father. She cannot claim half of the assets by the western law. She can take no more than what is her mahr.
Muslims live comfortably because they live hypocritically. They call themselves Muslim when they do not live like one. The only thing they keep is the hatred of the non-Muslims. Nothing else they do is Islamic. If they did they would not like it. Ask Iranians still living in Iran. After almost four decades under Islam most Iranians hate Islam. So make it clear to your wife the alternatives. Either she should leave Islam or you will convert and treat her like a Muslim woman. Let us see how much she likes that.
In any case, don’t have more children with your Muslim wife. Your marriage is already shaky. Sooner or later you will be tired of this life. No one can find happiness with a Muslim partner. This is a universal law. You can choose to endure loneliness while still having a family or leave this life and start a new one. When a child is in between neither of the two choices is good.
When all doors seem to be closed, when all around is filled with darkness, when there seem to be no hope left I turn to Jesus for help. He has promised to answer prayers and he is faithful in his words. You do what you think is right for you. I never acted as an apologist for my beliefs, when I was a atheist or now that I follow Jesus. I am only sharing my opinion.
I wish you blessings