Please help me – A girl from Cyprus
My name is Amanda. I am a Christian and I live in Cyprus. I am so blessed to find your website and I sincerely admire and respect you greatly for trying to help so many people escape from terrible fates.
I have read all the stories you posted under the section ‘In love with a Muslim’ and I, myself am in the same situation. I will share my story with you and I would be so grateful if you could give me some advice, it will really help me see the truth and clear my confused mind.
Three months ago I met a Syrian Muslim through Tinder, he is one year older than me (29), is a medical student and is a Muslim but does not follow the religion properly.
As soon as we met, we fell in love. I know the dangers for women of being with a Muslim but I am giving this guy a chance hoping that he is different from the others.
He treats me well, I have met most of his friends who are nice people, he does not hide me (only from his younger sister who is very religious and his family), says he wants to marry me but still does not trust me fully since we’ve only know each other a few months, he said he will get a visa at some point and come and speak to my parents in the next few months and also introduce me to his family as soon as he graduates.
We have a good chemistry and he has all the good qualities I am looking for in a man, I know he loves me sincerely I can see it from his actions and behaviour.
However, his bad side is what worries me and I am hoping you will help me see the truth through the following situations.
So far what I know 100% is that he is possessively jealous. He has accepted my gay best friends but does not want me to socialise with any straight man, not even my friend that I have had for 10 years as he believes there cannot be friendship between a straight man and woman. He wants me to tell him where I am and what I am doing and with who.
I am a friendly, kind person and I never give him any doubt about my honesty and faithfulness towards him. However, he told me that he wants me to become more ‘bitchy’ towards other men and not give them any right to look at me or make them think that I like them.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a good person who is simply nice to people and there are no flirtatious intentions, therefore he is overreacting.
He believes that a woman, depending on how she dresses will turn on a man and he made it clear that he does not want me to wear any tight clothes when I am not with him, as he will not be able to ‘protect’ me. He said when i am with him, he does not mind what I wear.
Regarding the religion, he does not practice it, however he many times said how guilty and unhappy he feels and wants to go back to praying. I wanted to support him in going back and from his suggestion, we agreed to not have sex anymore until we get married and I stuck to that from my side, however he only lasted two days (which is funny and ridiculous) and then went back to being more ‘Western’, saying that he is not ready yet and is confused between me and his religion.
He says that the work of Satan is too strong and he cannot resist the Haram things and strongly believes that he will go to hell.
It is like he has two personalities because on one hand he drinks, smokes pot, has premarital sex, sells drugs and is ‘openminded’ to the western world. On the other hand however, his strong Muslim side makes him say that he wants to go back to the religion and practice it fully.
I have tried opening up a subject about Islam maybe being a bit deceptive but he really defends his religion and say he knows it fully and speaks about Muhammad in a positive way, therefore I do not want to disrespect his religion as he does not disrespect mine.
The reason I am confused is because I do not want to generalise and I have faith in this person. I have managed to make him trust me when it comes to my gay friends and has also met and socialised with them showing that he is willing to accept some things.
However, the red flag for me is his possessive jealousy and how this will affect me in the future. I am scared that once we get married and have a child, things will get worse and he will not let me be myself anymore.
I am a fitness addict and fitness is my life and I am worried that he will start contolling me more when it comes to going to the gym alone and what I wear when we get married. He already told me in the future to try to cover my bum in the gym and not face it towards guys (which is ridiculous and unrealistic).
I am really confused because he shows to me that he can change in certain ways, I am willing to change some things for him (for example not meet with straight guy friends one on one) because I believe that both side should compromise in a relationship, but at the same time I am scared of the future and what will happen If I become his wife and how his possessive jealousy will develop and affect me.
When I spoke to him about the jealousy he said that I have already helped him change some bad things in him and he is trusting me more and more as time goes by so I just need to be patient with him and that he will try, but he said for sure he will never stop being jealous.
I truly love him so much and I know he loves me too so I just need to hear an ex Muslim’s perseption on the situation and see if there is hope that things will work out later on.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my email and I will truly appreciate and am grateful to have found your website.
I look forward to hear back from you and I thank you very much in advance.
Many kind regards and best wishes.
Ps. I have attached two photos of us so you can have a more realistic idea about who I am speaking about.
If you are hoping that I tell you things may work out in future, I am going to dash your hope. In fact, as your intuition tells you, things will become worse until your freedom, your vitality and your joy will all vanish and the love for which you sacrificed everything will be a sad memory.
Love has no meaning without freedom. Let us not mistake possessiveness for love. Muslims have no understanding of love. Not just between husband and wife, but also between parents and children. Muslim parents don’t love their children. Many encourage their children to join jihad, murder others and get killed in the hope that they (the parents) may go to heaven. How could anyone give their prepubescent child in “marriage?” Watch a few videos of Anny Cyrus. She was sold to an abusive and much older man by her father so he could satisfy his opium addiction. Stories like this abound. Muslim parents are possessive of their children. They think their children are their possession and their wives are their property. That is not love.
Many people in eastern countries keep singing birds like nightingales. They pay a lot of money for them, feed them and take care of them. And they keep them in beautiful cages. That is not because they love them. They want the bird to sing for them. The bird in cage feels lonely and in his or her desperation cries, which their owners find delightful. Is that love? Love is to set the bird free.
Muslims have no idea how to love. They were never loved. How could they learn it? They know about possession. When it comes to their women, sisters, wives, daughters, Muslim men exert their control by restricting their freedom. They dictate what they should wear, whom to befriend and whom not to. They want to control your every movement. A Muslim man in your life is your jailer, not your lover.
Love blinds and makes one hope against all odds. When a relationship is not going to work, you know it from the start. Women know this much sooner than men. Because women are physically weaker, nature has endowed them with intuition so they may protect themselves against men who may pose a threat to them. The very fact that you thought you need to research about your relationship with this Muslim and write to me is indication that your intuition is telling you something. When you find true love, and you will, you will have no doubt about it. You don’t go searching for confirmation or advice. You know it.
A friend of mine who for some reason had never had coconut water, (Some Canadian are not very adventurous when it comes to food) tried one and found the taste awful. She asked me to take a sip to tell her whether it has gone bad. I told her to toss it away. “But you did not try it” she said. “I don’t have to. I know it” I said. “How” she asked. “Because if it were not rotten you would not be asking me this question. Coconut water has the taste of paradise. If you are in doubt it is because is gone bad.” Love is also like coconut water. When it’s right, you know it. If you are searching the net and writing to me for confirmation, it is because you intuitively know there is something wrong with your relationship. Toss it because it is rotten. Even when it looks good on the surface, if it does not feel right, it is not right.
Your boyfriend is a typical Muslim. He is torn between his belief and his animal instincts. Because in Islam there is no balance Muslims oscillate between extremes. In one moment they give in to their basest carnal desires and in another, they become fanatical religious nut jobs ready to die and to kill for their faith.
When his sexual needs are satisfied and he loses his attraction to you, which will happen sooner or later, he will choose his religion over you and since he sees you as an obstacle bet tween him and his faith he will despise you and will abuse you for making him sin. All his temptations and weaknesses will become your fault. If he has sinned it is you have have made him do it. And he will make you pay for it by disrespecting you and acting violently towards you.
Pakistanis are most religious. The country pops up terrorists like a popcorn machine. Yet a look at Google trends reveals that Pakistanis are the primary consumers of porn websites. Not just normal sex between a man and a woman, but all sorts of kinky, sick and pervert sex.
This is to be expected. When you pull the pendulum to one extreme it tends to swing back to the other extreme. Pakistanis are not unique. All Muslims share similar traits. That explains your boyfriend’s schizophrenic behavior.
If you are ready to give up your freedom and become a virtual slave and if you are willing to sacrifice not just your own happiness but that of your unborn children, make your daughters tormented and your sons psychopaths, marry a Muslim man.
Romantic love is short lived. It serves as the spark to kindle the lasting love, that sense of oneness and belonging that lasts a lifetime long after romantic love is gone. To have the lasting love, there must be compatibility.
I see why you are attracted to this man. You are so physically alike. People tend to fall in love with those who look like them. But are you alike in any other way? You are not compatible in thoughts, not compatible in culture, not compatible in beliefs, not compatible in values. If you think you could build a lasting relationship only on sexual attraction, I say good luck! You’ll have only disappointment. You will be the big loser and your children the victims. Do you even have the right to deny happiness to your unborn children from get go?
The fact that he does not believe there can be any nonsexual relationship between a man and a women should tell you everything you need to know about his mindset. This man sees women as sex objects. That is why he cannot comprehend that a man and a woman can be friends and even best friends without any sexual factor in between them. He thinks all men look at you as sexual object, because that is how he looks at women. He is projecting his own standards on others. This man, like the rest of his co-religionists, is irremediably damaged. Don’t you see?
He could be a wonderful human. God does not create evil people. (I hope He doesn’t. Though sometimes I wonder.) Good people do evil things when they are influenced by evil doctrines. Among the followers of Shoko Asahara, there was a renowned doctor, Ikuo Hayashi. Following the orders of his spiritual guru he released sarin gas in the subways of Tokyo. As a physician, he had taken the Hippocratic Oath to save lives, and under the influence of a mad man he was killing people. In his trial, he said that before puncturing the packages containing the deadly liquid, he looked at the woman sitting in front of him and for a moment had misgivings. He knew that he was about to cause her death. Yet, he silenced his conscience and convinced himself that Asahara knew best and it would not be right for him to question his master. He eventually came to his senses and denounced that mad man, but too late. He will spend the rest of his life in prison. A promising life wasted for following a wrong man. Lives of all Muslims are wasted for following a wrong man. They are fruits of a poisonous tree.
Sometimes beliefs can stop people from committing evil and sometimes they can change good people into monsters. It depends on the belief. Under the influence of Islam Muslims lose their humanity. Good people are transformed into demons. No one is more dangerous than a devout believing Muslim. Would you risk your life sharing it with one such man? Remember that marriages don’t have easy exits.
If you want to give this man a chance, give him a copy of my book, Understanding Muhammad, which I send attached, in English and in Arabic. Read it first. Once you read it, everything will become clear. You will know why Muslims do what they do and why you should never trust them.
Be emphatic and clear that you will not marry a Muslim, not now, not ever. And if he is still interested in you he should read my book, which will help him recover from his Islamic disease.
This book is written for Muslims. If he reads it and denounces Islam, I mean like sincerely call Muhammad a pig, you may want to give him a chance. I apologize to pigs but the fact is that Muslims are also taught to lie and to deceive. However, I believe many of these liars may find it hard to call their beloved prophet a pig. So I don’t say this to insult pigs, but as a lie detector. If they refuse to call Muhammad a pig, they are lying.
I should also warn you that living with someone born and raised as a Muslim is not going to be easy, even when they have left Islam. Old habits die hard. He will always be possessive. However, since an ex-Muslim is at least conscious about his handicap and nefarious indoctrination, with much help from his non-Muslim spouse, he may recover and become a good human. But you can’t do this for him. If he is not putting in the effort you can’t help him. If he accepts Jesus there is more chance for him to overcome his demons. There are many ex-Muslims who are wonderful people, loving spouses and caring dads. But don’t bet your life on a Muslim with the hope that he may one day leave Islam. Nothing but death and the encounter with the Devil himself in hell will awaken most Muslims.
And since those who truly follow Muhammad will most likely go to hell, why would you want to share your life with a man and be concerned for him while in heaven because he is in hell?
If I were you, I would delete all the pictures with him and send him a last message saying good bye. You may also want to send him a link to this page. Let him write to me and I will do my best to help him out of this insanity called Islam, provided he is willing to listen.